I have been with my partner for 6 years and we have 2 little ones under 4. We are constantly fighting and I just can't cope anymore.
He no longer treats me with any respect and finds it easier to shout at me and be constantly uncivil. I feel I have been in a dark warzone during what should be a really happy time for us.
I can't bring our kids up in this, but I am too scared to leave and can't bring myself to break up the family.
I have suggested therapy, he is not interested.
I try to break our pattern of behavior, but it always goes the same way, after the kids are asleep, there'll be a stupid disagreement, but then he just loses it, he shouts, I ask him not to, he makes a bigger scene - the neighbours hear, I am humiliated. We then don't talk for days until I can't bear having the atmosphere in the house and try to make up. We can go up to 2 weeks until it implodes all over again.
I live away from my family, have gradually drifted away from friends, the only people I have here I can't talk to. I feel so alone and so unloved and so guilty for the kids not having a healthy family unit.
I have tried but I can't pretend things will change. he says we will do this and go here etc, but it never happens. It all falls to me to keep things happening.
I can't afford to rent a separate house at the moment, and feel I have to stay here, but this feels like a slow death and I worry so much about how it will affect the kids. We try to keep it together in front of them.
I see happy families all around us with plans and activities and going here and there. I feel like we are in a lead coffin, just sinking. This is not the life I wanted for my children or for me.