Love

[refmum]

How do you know you're in love?

I mean,it's not obvious is it? a light doesn't come on when you reach proper in loveness does it?!!

I've never known if i'm in love,with my first husband or my second that i've recently seperated from.

When you say "i love you" how do you know? you could just be fond,in lust,familiar?

How do you know please?

It's a feeling that you can't really identify in any tangible sense, and imagine that it's different for each person, but you just KNOW.

In the beginning, it's the feeling of thinking about the person all day everyday, of being safe, secure and entertained when you're with them and yearning for them when apart.
Not needing to talk, just understanding what you both mean.
Trusting and believing them entirely.
Finding their imperfections endearing rather than annoying.

Of course, over time these strong feelings subside and you are left with a more mellow version of them.

Does this ring any bells?
I'm sure other people will define love in their own personal ways.

I think you realise it is love when you can accept they arent perfect, and you can put up with some slighly annoying habits.. also, you cant imagine a future without them, even when the initial butterflies of lust have worn off.

Lust is thinking they are perfect, and you smile indulgently at something that if anyone else did it you would be annoyed with... Love is realising that the little annoying things are far outweighed by their good points. If you get past the lust stage, and find the annoying habit a real irritant, then its not love.

Thats my take on it anyway. :)

Only way I can describe it is just a deep knowing. I was once in the middle of a conservation with someone, I just felt something click into place and that was that.

Not remotely convenient or advisable at the time, but that's a whole other thread.

This is one of those questions that doesn't bear too much thinking about. I remember doubting my love for someone and agonising over it for months. Then I thought he was ill and by Christ, I knew I loved him then.

And love is a verb, not a feeling. I've had to remind myself of that more than once.

... people will define love in their own personal ways

Love is supposed to start with bells ringing and then go downhill ...
t?was the opposite for us ... there was a very intense connection
... as we stayed together, the bells rang louder

I remember ...
... the warmth of her cheek, her smile, her giggle
... the most passionate, elevating and pure pleasure ...
... every day was intense and alive, at work, travel, leisure ...

I gave her the power to break me, but trusted her not to
... when a peach is absolutely perfect ... it's sublime
... a shared joy ... is a double joy... she took my breath away

I remember ...
the comfort - the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with her

so ... there you are ...

Blimey Krawley, that's lovely.

The feeling safe bit. That's important.

Don't forget that love isn't just about couple-relationships. Though if you feel something similar towards a potential or actual romantic partner as you feel for a longterm friend or your DC then this particular romantic partner may be worth persisting with.
However, no matter how much love you feel for another person, they are not obliged to feel the same amount of love for you. In terms of couple-relationships, it's great if they do, but if they don't, move on.

Gosh,such deep and thoughtful answers,thanks.

When you truly love someone you don't ask for anything back.

Wikipedia is your friend when faced with these sort of issues

I think that you do "just know". It is almost like a light coming on, when just thinking about the other person gives you a sense of both peace and happiness.

I'd separate being In Love from the state of Loving. Words are difficult sometimes.

Refmum, when you find out, let me know because I've never felt I had that light switch moment and the men in my life seemed to have told me they have loved me first and then I seem to fall into line. I know I have loved but it is a gradual thing with me and not a lightening bolt. I'd love to think that I still have that to come, you never know!

textualhealing, I recognise what you've typed, that's how I was until recently ...
then i was hit by a steam train ...
now ... ?I just know?
to echo Taghain ... just thinking about the other person gives you a sense of both peace and happiness

I think love is simple. It's the sense of security and calm and warmth you get in the presence of another person. It's like your favorite natty old sweater, it might have holes and be stained and smell a bit funny but it's what you wear when you need to feel the most at home.

I think Love is a condition, when your happiness is dependent on someone else's happiness. ie. You have to first seek to make them happy before you can be happy. And if they are sad then you can never truly be happy.