cancerian man and moodiness

[footynutter]

Bit of a long history and story, but basically. We have had a ten year on and off relationship. We got back together recently again. had long chats as to what we wanted etc. had two lovely weekends together. He was lovely, cooked bought champagne etc. Then had a stressful day at work which is still on going and totally went in to his man 'cave' and went moody cancerian on me. This was 2 weeks ago. He has txt now ang again when i have asked how work is going. Then on Thursday he said he couldn't meet at weekend but could be meet on Monday- i said yes, but not heard a thing all weekend ( so fAr) i txt him friday saying i was confused but wanted to understand. Will i see him again or should I?

Don't bother.

Balls to all this 'cave' malarkey. I said it to someone else last week and I will say it again - retreating to a 'cave' is an excuse for a man to sit in his pants, playing CoD all day and behaving like he's still single. It's childish and immature, and fucking off for two weeks and barely bothering his arse to contact you is not how an adult man conducts a proper relationship.

And don't use his being Cancerian as an excuse for him behaving like a 12 year old boy.

it's got nothing to do with star signs (bollox) and everything to do with him being a self-entitled twat.

so he cooked food (which he also enjoyed) a couple of times and bought champagne (which he also enjoyed)- that hasn't bought him the right to treat you like dirt when he's having a bad day.

being lovely to your partner should be the default position in a relationship. not just for special occasions.

deefinately not sounding good. Don't be with anyone who leaves you guessing all the time. That's not real love and suggests that something is wrong.

Don't mean to sound alarmist but the last thread I read where this happened, it turned out the jerk had another woman he had started up with before they had got back togther....

Not what you want to hear, but from experience I'd recommend cutting your losses and moving on..

Thing is we have such a history we just seem to be drawn to each other. I am actually worried that he is depressed. He has seen a councillor in the past. Oh im just not sure. I want to keep self respect but I do love him

It sounds like you've been reading too many self help books tbh.

Bollocks, bollocks and more bollocks

Bollocks to the cancerian star sign stuff
Bollocks to the cave and a great big pair of BOLLOCKs to the drawn to each other clap-trap.

For him to get a shag, he only need put in minimum effort, cook a bit and buy a bottle of bubbly. With someone else it'd take longer to cultivate the relationship.

I'm willing to bet that the reason he can't see you this weekend and only on a Booty Call Monday night is that he is doing just that, cultivating a new relationship.

History is exactly that, only things that happened IN THE PAST. You are leaning on him and not moving on to your future.

If you want to retain self respect, start showing him that he can't just whistle and you'll come running. STOP hanging on his every word, STOP shelving your life on the off chance he might deign to see you.

BACK OFF, totally. IF he wants you, he'll chase, if not you know where you are. The more you cling, the more he will keep you at arms length. Fundamentally, there is NO future in this relationship.

Sorry. You are wasting your time with him.

Find someone who can't wait to be with you.

"For him to get a shag, he only need put in minimum effort, cook a bit and buy a bottle of bubbly. With someone else it'd take longer to cultivate the relationship."

Oh dear, sad but true! While I think games in relationships are absolute rubbish, in this case I would advocate completely turning the tables. Say you are busy on Monday and have some stressful work stuff coming up as well as some important social events.

You'll let him know when you are free! In the meantime, develop a resource bank of other admirers as, from his point of view, you seem to be a back-burner, back-up option. Sorry, but agree with other posters here.

Sorry Footy, but I agree with the other posters.

He is having you for a mug to be blunt. You are just there when he wants you to be, and when he doesnt, you are just cast aside while he makes shit excuses and gets on with his own life.

You have wasted ten years, dont waste another ten. Life is too bloody short.

I agree with the others. My DP is Cancerian and he wouldn't dream of messing me, or anyone else, about in the way that your bloke is. Get rid.

No excuses, no justification - he's not that keen on you.My DH (a cancerian) devised every method to keep in contact with me. I think he has trained you to believe this is acceptable - you are not in a relationship...sorry to be harsh but that's the case. Please, please don't waste more time on him, you have spent 10 years trying...no more.

Steer clear!
Stepdad is cancerian - not spoken to my mum for 2weeks cos she didnt park in the space he told her to!
He can go 2 months not talking to her over petty things like this

I really think that the persons star sign is pretty irrelevant though... anyone can be a twat, doesnt matter what month they were born in.

Oh FFS, its nothing to do with him being Cancerian, and everything to do with him being a twat!

I'm a cancerian, I could sulk but Im an adult and life is too short.

Tried to write something helpful here but finding it impossible to get past 'he's cancerian' which wrecks my thinking.

Hobbits, werewolves, star signs and homeopathy all great fictions.

He sounds like he's trying to have his cake and eat it though.

Maybe you are drawn to each other because you both have low expectations of what a relationship should be?

People are often drawn together in a negative way - it does not mean that you should put up with this. There is a book which I have recommended before on this site - called They Fuck you up , by oliver james.

the two of you probably are being constantly drawn back into a miserable cycle because you are subconsciously recreating patterns from your own childhoods. What the details of this are - you will have to discover for yourself, perhaps with the help of a therapist?

This man makes you unhappy, has made you unhappy before - and you are going back for more. Stop now, see a therapist about why this situation is comforting to you ...what it reminds you of in your own past. ie. your parents relationship/ your relationship with your father etc.

Basically - being 'drawn' together may well be true, but it is still bad for you!

Raise your expectations of relationships and STOP THIS NEGATIVE PATTERN NOW!

This man has known you for 10 years and is still not committing. He knows he can treat you any way he likes and you will put up with it. How old are you? You seriously deserve more than this.

You can break away from this pattern - of course after ten years it's hard - but dont wase any more of your life in this relationship

and no, it has nothing to do with being a cancer!

ps. Oliver James's book is very good at explaining why people are attracted to each other, even when it's bad for them - and how their family life creates this. read it.

I really just want to say what CleverHans said.
I'm sorry he's been a shit but is it possible that you have explained away a lot in the past? I am just thinking that someone who puts a star sign in a thread title might do a lot of that.

I see Flisspaps and SNM have already been here. My work is done. Nothing more to see/say. Jog on from this footy.

I have a long history of depression and having therapy. I am sure my behaviours have not always been perfectbut I have never treated someone like this man is treating you. He sounds awful but you are letting him do it to you. Walk away now, the on off bit sounds all very convenient for him. I doubt he is depressed , just a user.

Load of bully bulls**t...I was with someone for years who used the fact that he was a 'sensitive cancerian' as his reason for retreating into his 'cave'...turns out he was just a selfish knob who was very sensitive to his own needs but not mine.

Without the full picture is hard to give a definate response, but from what you have said it sounds like a push pull sort of relationship, yes he can be pleasent for a short amount of time, but can't keep this up. Think back over the last ten years, when you've needed support from him has he been there for you?

Has he given as much as he's taken in this realtionship?

I'm with the other posters here I'm afraid.

Can I ask - is the reason you've been 'on and off' down to him and because actually HE'S been on and off?

Don't mistake love for the need to pin someone down who's so far proved unpindownable. If he was at home all the time in his pants watching MOTD would it still feel like love?

The more you cling the more he walks away which makes you cling more. You need to break the cycle.