Won?t go over back history except to say had a difficult few years, counselling 2 years ago which didn?t help much except gave me the courage to speak out and continue speaking out. But finally have been feeling that things are finally on the up. Starting to build a physical relationship again ? albeit not at all at the speed he would like it. Actually had my first orgasm with him last week for the first time in years.
But, have also been finding him really sensitive/argumentative of late ? grumpy to be around, fine with the dcs but I?ve just had that sense that he?s a bit off with me. We?ve got into silly arguments over nothing ? he?s accusing me of being on his case, talking to him harshly, critical. I?ve had a good think about whether I am, really don?t think I?m being any different but then I?ve weaned myself of anti-depressants recently and I wondered if that had made me more impatient so I have tried to tone things down a bit. Also my 5 year old ds had told me not to shout at daddy (which I had done from the top of the stairs to say no ds wasn?t going out wearing his big sister?s purple very obviously girl?s fleece just because dp couldn?t be bothered to wait 2 minutes while I got his own one from his room ? I was later told by dp that he didn?t like what I was teaching ds by not ?letting? him wear a girl?s jumper!)
Anyway in this rather watchful of what I say and how I react frame of mind, when dp told me earlier, quite nastily, that he frankly could not be arsed to think about doing anything to the house (we were discussing putting shelves and cupboard into the living room) because of what a state the place is constantly in and then reeled off things which are all to do with me which are pissing him off - how we?ve had a fold-up spare bed in ds?s room for ages and which belongs to my parents and how he never wanted me to borrow it in the first place and its just now getting in the way (though its actually quite useful for sleepovers) and how a wooden chest that I bought is full of crap and useless and he?s sick of me refusing to sort anything out and he?s put up with it for years but it really gets to him. Regarding the bed he said that he?d spent a lot of time and money sorting out that bedroom and he didn?t want a crappy fold up bed against the wall. I?m at a loss as to what the problem really is here, it?s dd?s room, she has no truck with it, its great to have the spare bed, it?s a big room so its not in the way and I don?t have a problem with returning it to my parents when we get a chance to sort out the transport.
I am the first to agree though ? and friends and family would back me up on this ? that I am untidy. He's known this for all the time I've been with him. I do try, and I think that I?m mostly on top of things given that I?m not a natural tidier/organiser, I work full time (termtime only) and have 2 young children. I sort out the kids? rooms, their craft stuff and toys, I?ve put up shelves for books and pretty much arranged what goes where in the house overall because dp didn?t and doesn?t. In my mind he spends a lot of time moaning about the place but not actually doing something about it ? although he is good at decorating ? unless he wants to. In dd?s room he got all cross about how untidy it was, moved something back to where it should be but just threw the stuff that was in its place into another part of the room which really upset and confused her ? on one hand he?s telling her to keep the place tidy and look after her things and then he shows no regard for them himself. This morning he?s been moaning about my clothes by my side of the bed and then just kicks them all to one side.
Tonight I tried to talk about it ? said I realised that untidiness upset him, that maybe we could have a blitz together and figure out how to make it work for both of us as I did find it hard myself. But I said lets focus on the positives, what we were both good at and do well and see if we could both play to out strengths a bit more in sorting it out. I was getting a bit sick of the doom and gloom tbh as we have a lovely home, it?s not really in that bad a state and I do actually spend a lot of time on it making sure things don?t descend into chaos and filth! Anyway he didn?t like the positive slant and stormed out saying there was no point in talking to me, he?s put up with it for years and would have to continue too.
All seems a bit passive aggressive to me - and like he's wanting to wallow a bit in some kind of hard done to state of being. And also I?m left feeling a trifle confused, does he just want an argument - what do you think? Shall I let it all go and let it pass over til next time, shall I try to continue to slog out some compromise between us or should I bite my tongue and do a blitz on the place tomorrow for his benefit?