Insanely jealous of sil (another wobble)

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I have posted about this before on here and got some great advice but basically I'm having some more issues and the jealousy has returned

My SIL is 26 and has just had twins, my parents bought bro and SIL house, business, will provide free childcare etc. They live very close to my parents and see them every day, meals together, coffee, walks - everything.

I live 2 hours plus away from my mum and although we are v close - I just don't see her much.

I have a temporary teaching contract which I was told would be made permanent this year - told this week that it won't due to budget so I'm temporary for another year.

I'm 31 and basically the prospect of having a baby is a distant one due to finances. We couldn't afford to live on my dh's salary and if I left to go on maternity leave I would lose my job and they are very hard to come by in teaching where I live.

I think everyone thinks that I'm not interested in children of my own - I really am and the cosy family/grandparents thing that my mum and dad and brother have make me so jealous.

Am so aware of my age and hate acting like a jealous cow. No one in RL would understand this at all - sorry.

Could you not move to be nearer to your parents?

Jealousy is su h a pointless emotion. Your sil is prob jealous of your seemingly carefree life!

Sorry for the way you're feeling.

If I was in your position, I wouldn't let finances stop me from trying for a baby. You don't know how long it will take you to fall pregnant, and these things (finances) always have a way of working themselves out. You're in a fairly secure profession, so in the future surely you'll always have work. This window of opportunity to have a child is running out. I know people have babies in their forties etc, but the truth is after 30 it gets harder and harder.

JMHO.

Agree with wannabe. There is never a good time to try for a baby so if you want one do it and don't look back as life has a way of working out. I know someone who was made redundant during a round of IVF which resulted in her beautiful DC but she has managed.

Stop wasting your energy looking at want others have and make the most of what you have got. One life and all other associated cliches etc etc!

If you and your dh want a baby then make one! There is no set amount of money you need to be able to be good parents.
As for teaching jobs well, meh..
Dh was on short term contracts renewed month by month when we had ds1. 14 years later dh is still in the same job.

The best way to make a happy future is by starting in the present.

It sounds as though you are not happy with the choices you have made in your own life - and are projecting that onto other people. Have a baby . You are 31 it could take time to get pregnant and life is never certain or secure. You aren't happy now so money isn't helping you anyway. Just get on and have the family you want.

I remember you posting before - you feel the same and it's up to you to change it.

Start making some changes so that you can have a baby.
Try to get a permanent job so you can take maternity leave. If they are difficult to come by in your area you may have to consider moving.

Why have your parents bought your brother a house, are he & his wife unable to take on adult responsibilities for some reason?

I think you're wobbly about your own choices in life and projecting them onto your SIL.

It's not her fault. Your job, your location, your DH's salary, your indecision when to start a family.

What they have isn't preventing you from having these things of your own. They have no direct connection to why your life isn't where you want it to be.

My SIL behaved very badly towards us for similar reasons I think and it has ruined our relationship forever.

Stuff the job, have a baby!

You can work out another job later on (even though it seems tricky, its not impossible)

However, if now is the time that you feel is best to start a family in your emotions, then that is more important.

If finances are tough, can your family help out (they did for your brother)

good luck.

i understand your feelings but it's really not fair to be jealous. it's your choices that have lead you to this situation and your brother / sil choices that have lead to theirs (well luck with twins but apart from that).

Have you spoken to your DH about how you're feeling?

I can understand your emotions, but don't let them sour your relationship with your SIL. She's living her life, making choices that work for her and her DH.

What next step you and your DH make is up to you, but please don't actively be jealous of SIL or try to compete.

You know, it took me four years to convince DH that if we waited till we could afford another kid then we'd never have one. Whilst TTC I was made redundant so now here we are, little girl coming in 2 weeks with one income, one 6 year old boy and a 2 bedroom house we can't afford to move from (good job we love our home though :) ). None of it makes a difference, we are happy and very very excited. Not only that but we are managing to pay the bills. I do worry about the huge hole it will leave in my CV but really I don't care, my family is more important to me. If family is your priority then you have to act that way and let the job sort itself out (Or not).

On another note my SIL had twins four months ago, I was very jealous too, even though I really do like her. It's understandable to feel that way, just gotta try not to act on it.

I agree with everyone else - if you are feeling this strongly then you need to have a big talk with your DH about TTC now. It probably won't happen to you, but I started TTCing when I was about your age, and had my children in my late thirties with lots of fertility treatment. Right now you have some time, but your fertile years will go quickly.

Have you thought about ways that you could make the finances work? Websites like www.moneysavingexpert.com and www.fool.co.uk have good discussion boards with people who can help you find a way. www.entitledto.co.uk is a good website to find out how much you could get in benefits. If you weren't working, there are other ways that you could save - there are women on here who spend very little and feed a family of 4 or 5 by meal planning and cooking everything from scratch - much easier when you are at home.

I am also hoping that you have a decent family who wouldn't help out your SIL with childcare and leave you in the cold (but realise that some families have golden children who get everything :().

I can understand why you feel jealous - I think that your jealousy is sending you a message that you need to rethink your life.

I just want to add - I do understand it must be tough being away from your mum and seeing that relationship she has with your SIL. Of course it's natural to feel sadness - but seriously, you are choosing not to have kids/ to live somewhere else. own your choices. Getting pregnant might take a lot longer than you think - you say 'getting pregnant is distant'. But honestly - you would survive, whatever your circs.

Yes people get pregnant later in life, but its not always easy. These are the last few fertile years, get on and enjoy them.

Work might never give you stability - but I promise if you have kids it will work itself out.

It sounds like you are feeling really down - I'd recommend a good book, it's called Affluenza, by Oliver James. Not saying that you suffer from that - but its about how we as a society have completely skewed our priorities, worrying about work/ money/ career when we should try to relax and enjoy life.

And think about moving back nearer home if it means that much to you.