OW

[Redheads]

Has anyone ever been the OW?????

In my case I am pretty sure I was looking for an escape route, better self-esteem by actually being wanted by someone, and some excitement (and especially some sex) in a difficult and sex-starved life.

I got all those, yes, plus times of utter misery, suicidality, drug problems, heavy drinking, bankrupcy, loneliness, and later massive decrease in self-esteem.

I am just very very lucky that my wonderful current DH came along and rescued me.

Would you say you had low self esteem to begin with nowolder?

Have you been dumped for the ow Redheads?

I had issues about my attractiveness, yes, stemming back to a childhood as a very small, bespectacled little bookworm whose father made disparaging remarks about her appearance on a regular basis as an adolescent. This was exacerbated by a very long marriage to an abusive and belittling man, who did not find me sexually attractive because he was in fact gay (although he only admitted this later).

In my MM I found someone who told me I was madly sexually attractive (and also told me that he had fallen in love with me).

I tell you what - it's no easier being the OM you know

Yes, twice, but both unwittingly. First time I didn't know he had a GF. The tit

2nd time, bloke said he was single but was actually married and somewhat separated, in the process of a messy split which hotted up when I came on the scene. Wost judgment call I've ever made. Never again. Married? Bye bye. Separated but not yet divorced? Bye bye. Married but your wife 'doesn't understand' you/sleeps on the sofa/is a lesbian really? Bye bye.

Absolutely agree with Cheerful,

and would add: says he has an arrangement with his wife and it's all just fine with her (and also that only boring uneducated less intelligent and enlightened people pay any attention to the bourgeios confinements of marriage anyway)= BYE BYE!!

Amen to that!!

I also from experience will run if approached by somebody married/attached. That being said my exMM divorced and proposed after 4 years. It's just too bad that his divorce was such an awful experience for all involved that I not only it killed the feelings I had, I also fell for somebody else around that time.

Well, sometimes an affair is the best thing to happen to a crap relationship as it gives one or both partners the nudge they need to end the relationship. There's usually nasty fallout though, so if you do meet and fall for someone who's in a bad relationship, the safest thing to do is back off and let them sort out their own split in their own time. Unfortunately, if your potential newP is getting rid of an absolute nutter, you may get caught up in chaos even if you do behave honorably and keep your distance till the person is free to date you.

I know someone that was the OW for well over 14 years. He was never going to leave his wife and OW got to the point of just saying, what's the point? Funny thing is, she's quite a judgemental person herself and I find it quite amusing listening to her sounding off about other people when I know all about her past life! Amazing!

One of my best school friends is a serial OW. She has serious insecurity and self esteem issues and is possibly depressed a lot of the time but you would never know it to meet her.

I think for her it is the thrill of being attractive enough to tempt some man away from his partner, of being irresistible if you like as though the wife/girlfriend could never compete with the excitement she has to offer. I often think this is true until the man gets what he was after and disappears home very quickly, leaving her crying on my shoulder yet again. I find her behaviour very difficult to deal with but she is so vulnerable I cannot bring myself to drop her.

i guess i am an OW. and i have been for about 25 years.

we were childhood sweethearts and for a silly reason we were not together late in our teens. when he came back about 18 months latter to tell me he was sorry i told him it was too late a I was married. we have both been banned for about the last 20 years by our respective partners from ever having any contact with each other ever again. we are not in a sexual relationship at this point in time.

we meet about once a year or so for lunch when either of us are in town. we email each other every week and we talk on the phone every other week.

we both have families and we both have complex family difficulties. yes it would be nice to wave a magic wand and it was all sorted out amicably but i cant see that happening for now. one of us is very well known in our local area.

both of us are very clear about what we would like to have in the future and we are clear about the type of relationship we have now.

i know that none of this makes it right in any way and i am not seeking to justify my relationship with him. the only thing i can say is that i could not imagine my life without him being in it in some way.

I did, in the past. Ended it three years ago after 8 months. He had a gf and thought it was totally fine that I could be somewhere in between friend and gf also. No excuse at all, but circumstances are I was just out of a divorce and felt really empty and like I was starting life all over again, and thought I loved him. I even knew it wasn't mutual, but somehow still went on - tried to break it up several times but couldn't go through with it, and he just let it happen because he wasn't so emotionally invested (he just wanted the friendship and the sex, he knew how I felt and liked me but not enough to take any responsibility for anything). We're not in touch now but a couple of months ago I saw him in town with his gf.

End result: confirmed myself as a shit person for doing that to someone and also for letting it happen in the first place, showed me I had much worse boundaries than I thought (and felt worse than I started off, of course, more counselling etc after that). Never again.

I have never had an affair in the classical sense of being the lover of a man with an existing understanding regarding an exclusive sexual relationship with another woman. I would never knowingly encourage or return the advances of such a man.

However, meeting me (without an affair and while I was not available for a relationship with DP) was the trigger that made DP divorce his wife. So in that sense I am an OW.

old thread

yes

didn't know at first. went on for two years on and off and it was miserable and ecstatic, destroyed my confidence. he left had no real intentions of leaving for good just wanted to keep control and didn't care that he fucked with the feelings of his children, his wife or me. i finally totally broke away and he had a nervous breakdown

funny thing is she left her first husband for him and said she would never give up on their love, i hope for her sake she does one day

there is a bullshit school for cheating men, no woman knows where it is but they teach them these lines that they come out with, some do expand on the lies (like my ex killed his sister off), some stick with the cliche's but its generally the same thing