He had his chance, lost it, so why do I feel so bad?

[theyCallMeHer]

I had a very sudden and intense relationship last year. We had been friends since school and it was very very right at the time.

I ended up breaking it off as he wouldn't commit in even the smallest way. He wouldn't set a date to next see each other, but would call me at 1am on a friday expecting to be invited over etc.

I know if he had some maturity we would have been great together, and I think he has now realised the same. But it's too late for me.

Sounds like a he was happy with just having sex with no strings.

Why is it too late? Are you with someone else? Do you not want him any more? Don't quite understand.

I am not with anyone else no.

But his utterly childish conduct has scared me off frankly.

We are still very close friends and I feel he is making me feel guilty that now I don't want what could have been iyswim.

Right well don't allow yourself to be guilt-tripped!

He sounds like a classic commitment-phobe. Now you're off limits you can now be the reason he's single. When in fact, deep down, he's single because he doesn't fancy commitment.

You are grieving a dream. You are feeling hurt because you realise that your dream wasn't important to him. You are further hurt because of his attempt to rekindle things on his terms without regard for what you really wanted and the fact that you have now shut the door.

Your reactions are the healthy reactions of someone who doesn't want to be run over by a train. Good for you.

Dont feel bad at all. He sounds very immature and self centred.
He will just have to accept the fact that you have "called it a day ".
D
I can fully see why his stupid non committal behaviour has scared you off. If you stayed with him you would spend many an hour wondering when he is going to turn up, if at all.
You have made the right choice, well done you .
He isnt ready for a proper relationship yet.

A part of me told me to stay away actually, from the start.

But I trusted him and there was an intense physical thing between us. I suppose I did hope he'd just grow up but I'm so glad I took that step back as he clearly still hasn't.

I appreciate all of your thoughts on this, it's compounding my own.

He probably just wants the sex again. And realises the best way to get you wanting that again is to try (or pretend) to be interested. It's unlikely he is genuinely interested, or he would have been before - but whether you think he's pretending in order to get you into bed or he's trying to change his own in order to interest you depends on how cynical you are!

Either way it's a no go - even if he was changing himself for you, that's not the true him and he won't be able to keep it up indefinitely.

I understand exactly what you are saying. And I veer to the cynical side.

I'll give an example of how our 'relationship' went.
Bonfire night, my DC were with their father, I knew I'd feel a tad sad at not sharing the fireworks with them so arranged to go to a large local display with friends. He said he'd be coming, I was looking forward to it. Last minute he rang me, said he had to work late and would I mind meeting him centre of town so we could travel together and at least watch the fireworks together on the way.

What happened was I waited for 50 minutes for him to come and meet me by which time the display was over, we went to a friends house where he kept trying to get me upstairs for sex as if we were 18, then he left in a sulk.

Then the next day he sent me strange emails worringy abut his 'ex' being at the party, turned out he'd had a fling with a friend of a friend that I didn't knowabout nor did i need to but he was strange about it.

So yes, it's clear why I lef it whilst I could but theres a bit of unfinished business with he whole thing.

Well.. do you want to shag him again?

You were a booty call, very sad. You are so much better off without him.

Burn everything related to him have your own fireworks and get him out of your hair.

HHaa good question Bertie, I would yes, if it was that simple. Physically and with chemistry we are perfect but nah, I can't handle any 'issues' .

He sounds about 15. Well rid.

If you are happy with an occasional shag there's no reason not to have one with him, but that's all you're likely to get from him, so if you know you want more, don't go there.