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Relationships

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I did EVERYTHING wrong when it ended - begged pleaded hung onto his ankles - is friendship possible now I'm sure I'm over him?

13 replies

Lusk · 02/03/2011 18:29

He tried so hard to keep me as a friend - put up with me pretty much going nuts. In the end we ended up with no contact. He's ten years my junior, wanted children and I am in my mid 40s and done that bit, he is Jewish I'm catholic. Yadda yadda. I now months later see he was right - it couldn't work. When he ended it he still told me every day he loved me and I went mental trying to stop him leaving me when we loved each other so much - i went from a normal woman to a hysterical nutter because he never drew the line. The more I begged him to reconsider the more he would tell me he loved me but it was unworkable and to accept his friendship. In the end I started ripping into him and being evil in my words - accusing him of putting his family and religion before me and he eventually gently but firmly asked me to cut contact as we clearly couldn't be friends, I was being dreadful and it was hurting both of us. I did everything wrong. Months down the line I've had therapy, used it as a chance to improve my self esteem and I'm a new woman. But I still miss his friendship, I see him around sometimes and we nod and say hi but that's it. I am past wanting a relationship but I'd love to be friends . You think I could try?

OP posts:
ginnyjeans · 02/03/2011 18:32

Your feelings were massively involved.... you say you are past wanting a relationship are you being honest with yourself? You could try, but you might not succeed. And it could ignite feelings you thought were buried. Do you want that torture? Shame, very hard.

piratecat · 02/03/2011 18:33

i wouldn't tbh, it could end up re igniting something that was there. You need to move forwards and don't look back.

I am currently doing this myself,and hard as it is i know i have to keep the faith.

PeterAndreForPM · 02/03/2011 18:33

Does he want to ?

It sounds like you were a bloody nightmare, tbh

But I don't like the sound of him...he seems like a bit of a narcassist. Still wanting your adoration and keeping you hanging on waaaaay past when he should have done. It would have been kinder to be blunter in the beginning, IMO

anyway, in your situation, I wouldn't

I think staying friendly with exes is over-rated, tbh

just move on

does either of you have a new romantic partner ?

perfumedlife · 02/03/2011 18:35

Oh I really don't believe that lovers should remain 'friends'. I know it's modern and I'm an old fart, but I'm an old fart with experience of this.

Torture in the making, why do it? Make new friends, there are loads of lovely people to befriend.

BitOfFun · 02/03/2011 18:38

You can't be friends with somebody you had those feelings for. I'm sorry, but that's just the way it is.

Acanthus · 02/03/2011 18:39

No, I don't, sorry!

SugarPasteFrog · 02/03/2011 18:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lusk · 02/03/2011 18:42

Bother. I guess that's quite conclusive. I don't know if he still wants to, he did. Oh and yes I was a nightmare - he was this beautiful vision that appeared after my divorce and I turned into a teenager playing out. I didn't realise how bad my self esteem was until I couldn't handle rejection but months of therapy , exercise, a new job and new friends have turned my life around

OP posts:
PeterAndreForPM · 02/03/2011 18:44

then stay in your new life

why hanker back to one where you were a nightmare ?

chalk it and move on

MigratingCoconuts · 02/03/2011 18:48

don't go back there. You need to move on, for you..... and this 'friendship' would hold you back.

Leave it to become a beautiful memory and find out what's going to happen in the next chapter of your life...

Lusk · 02/03/2011 18:52

Oh the hive mind is so much wiser than mine. Thank you I suppose. :(

OP posts:
MigratingCoconuts · 02/03/2011 18:59

its tough, but you'll thank yourself one day, I promise! Smile

SugarPasteFrog · 02/03/2011 19:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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