DH says he's lost sex drive - help!

[Helpmewithdhproblem]

It used to be that he was the insatiable one, and I was the one wanting early nights...now it's the other way around .

He's just had the snip, and he's talked himself into believing it's something to do with that, but that's not physiolgically possible, is it?

He takes forever to come, now, which I imagine is him worrying about it - in fact the other night, I suddenly stopped him and asked him an unrelated question (can't remember what or why), and he came immediately afterwards...which was, I guess, because he had to stop thinking about hte fact that he wasn't coming!

We also watched that programme about the atrocities in the DR Congo the other night, and he (and I) was very upset by it - I'm wondering if that's affected him too, in a kind of 'disgusted with his sex' way, or something....

Any thoughts, or ideas about how to help him/us?

Bumping up active convos!

Actually, after a vasectomy, a man's testosterone production increases slightly, so the only impact would be psychological - was he happy to get snipped?

It sounds like quite early days yet, if he's not been given the all clear then that could be playing on his mind, having to provide semen samples isn't exactly a pleasurable experience either, my DH got quite stressed about it and had problems producing .

If it has only been a matter of weeks, I'd say give it some time - don't pressure him/try to seduce him etc. Don't see it as a problem with you, I'm sure it will improve fairly soon.

It's a big fat lie that men are supposed to want sex 24 hours a day, a hugely toxic myth in fact - they have dips in libido just as women do, doesn't mean it's a permanent thing, just a part of life.

Yes, more than happy! He has got very fed up of masturbating to get the sperm through quickly - he doesn't really enjoy masturbating!

Ok, will stop trying to seduce him - I know it's not me, but it feels painful to me anyway IYSWIM.

Erm, if he doesn't enjoy masturbating, why do it?
Can't you just have sex instead?
It sounds like he's putting a lot of pressure on himself to get clear, I'm not suprised it's affecting his appetite for sex, ejaculation has become a chore for him rather than a pleasure.

Yes, I think that's it, malificence. Thanks for the perspective!

"he doesn't really enjoy masturbating"

(snort)

Could he still have some discomfort from the vasectomy? And has he had the confirmation that he's now sterile?

Fuck off Talleyrand - if you have nothing useful to add then butt out, are you fifteen?
There are probably a lot of men out there who don't masturbate much, if at all, but because of idiots like you, it's not talked about - if it wasn't for MN, a lot of women wouldn't know that there are an awful lot of men out there who aren't interested in sex at all.

I get slaughtered on here every single time I mention that my DH doesn't masturbate ( and hasn't for years) and treated like an imbecile who can't possibly really believe that.

My D/H has been "off" sex for a couple of years now - and you're right its very frustrating and hard not to blame yourself. My own DH has been very ill over the last couple of years, and has been left with very bad legs, and cant kneel or sit or lie or stand in one position for very long, so actual penetrative sex for us is very rare, but when it does happen is very beautiful. My DH also is a non-masturbator....and i absolutely believe him when he says he doesnt. He is very happy to pleasure me, however, more often than not whenever i want him too. I think you need to be patient, hun, for a little longer. Love does not equal sex

Politeness at all times Malificence. . .Threads get ruined by disgusting fowl language and verbal abuse. Your case is totally dismissed\slaughtered when you are so rude.

I dont think Talleyrand deserves it.

The OP needs help/ advice. . .does she really want people on here fighting ? Mumsnet is supposed to be a support network , surely, not an place to verbally abuse each other.

Fowl language? I don't remember mentioning chickens.

Talleyrand deserves all he gets, he's an idiot and if you think that my little ourburst was rude you obviously haven't been around here for too long.
I've been nothing but supportive to OP, unlike him.

Does he ?
But i do dislike your language...please dont swear.

fuck off yourself then Malificence!
(isn't this fun)

Yes, there is nowt so queer as folk and I have no doubt that out there in the world of billions of ben, there are a very small number of them, somewhere, who don't enjoy even the occasional crafty tug.

And two of them are married to women on this thread!

Do you think there could be any reason, Malicence, any reason at all, why your DH might find it sensible to hide his mastubatory habits from you??

talleyrand - stick to the point. If you don't have anything constructive to say to the OP then fuck off.

she started it.

I'm not even going to dignify that with an answer - your tiny little mind obviously can't handle any other truth than your own.

Don't be a twat talleyrand. I agree with malificence. My DH does not enjoy masturbating much now - don't get me wrong as a teenager I'm sure he was tugging away but he would much much rather have sex with me and when he had the snip wanted to have sex everyday to get clear (the stupid nurse told us he needed to 'clear out' once a day at least!). When I asked him to masturbate instead he was very reluctant. It is not unusual. And my DH has a very high sex drive.

OP it definitely sounds like the pressure of getting clear and all the masturbating is a bit much. There is no time limit on clearing the sperm out you just need to use contraception. Slow things down and try to get intimate again with each other.

Your H sounds like mine Nikki - wo would have thought it eh? - some men actually prefer sex with their wife to masturbating alone, how strange !

DH has a 4 day work trip coming up, when I suggested he get a webcam for his laptop so we can have a little fun while he's away, I got this look - he'd rather wait until he gets home.