What does it mean when....?

[hardworkingandnice]

A man is full-on snogging you, (You know the thing, you can't keep your hands off each other blah blah) it's full of emotion, lovey-dovey, heart-felt, that he's "the one" etc etc but when you open your eyes it turns out his eyes are wide open & he is looking out the window & you get the feeling he may have been doing that the entire time???!!!

My friend & I were having coffee & she's been with a commitment-phobe for 3 years...

Your thoughts?

Was there some sort of parade passing by the window?

Define commitment-phobe please.

it means he was bored. what else could it mean?

He won't commit to going to specific events with her if they're more than a week ahead yet he knows exactly what time kick-off is & which ground the football team are playing at for the next 38 weekends in a row....Things like that.

She didn't mention a parade, no, unfortunately not. I asked her if there was a hooker leaning against the car & she didn't find that funny.

this was in the car? er perhaps he was feeling a bit self conscious that people could see them?

it means he is a liar and all that crap abou "soulmates" is bullshit

she should knock it on the head, if she wants more than he does

Well, he either just kisses with his eyes open (not unheard of!), was bored or wasn't into it I guess.

I dont really understand the problem.
Or the question.

When she told me my thought was too brutal to share with her. I was thinking he isn't that keen on her if he's doing that.

Just wanted to know if I was being sceptical in my old age.

why is she only discovering now after 3 years that he kisses with his eyes open?

presumably because she always closes her own ?

I reckon staying together for 3 years says more about his keenness (?) than kissing with his eyes open.

She said it's the combination of being with him at times that only suited him and the fact that he has only recently started to have his eyes open like "a rabbit caught in headlights" (her words!)

Me thinks she is being played a little which is really sad. I don't want her getting hurt.

So these doubts come direct from her? Then she just has to weigh it up, she'll know far more than anyone else whether its a goer or not.

my husband sometimes watches the telly when we are having sex (i mean not like proper watching but just a few moments here and there). he does it to distract himself so he doesn't get too aroused too soon. is it possible this was something like this? erotic snogging can be pretty full on and maybe he was trying to calm himself down so he didn't take things faster than she wanted.

i'm being kind / generous.

They are directly from her yep - she wanted to know my thoughts as to why his eyes were so wide open during what is supposed to be a coupley & intense moment.

She doesn't know whether to take it as a sign that he isn't into her as much as she would like him to be, whether he is going off her or if it was just a casual incident where nothing was meant by it.

Ps - Just for clarification, when I said "the entire time" I meant just that evening. The entire evening. She said they'd been snogging all night. That's why she is concerned - she thinks his mind was elsewhere & not on her or what they were doing.

You're right, it's up to her, I will be there for her (it's in the friendship contract, don't you know?!)regardless. Lett's hope it remains positive. I do like a happy ending.

SNM - I suppose that's a possibility. She did say he hadn't 'grown' but then on a minus side, that could re-confirm what I thought but didn't have the heart to tell her.

Wish she'd never told me cos it's doing my head in now! It doesn't help that she's into pyschology & the meaning of body language. I think that is more the issue myself.

i only just noticed you mention she's been with him 3 years!!

tbh if i was trying to second guess someones interest during a snog like this after that amount of time i would think there was something seriously wrong with the relationship.

what is "commitment phobe" in fact? sounds like another name for "selfish bastard not that really interested". she needs to stop making excuses for him and find someone who doesn't make her spend coffee with her friends overanalysing the non-existent content of her non-relationship.

I went to a lecture recently on gender difference, given by a professor of social biology. One member of the audience asked why men are so unwilling to plan ahead. He asked for clarification and the questioner said "like commit to dates in the diary for a holiday." The Prof replied that no doubt the man "was" thinking ahead...to what his mistress's plans were that week and how they would tally.

Notsolomon - You think he's got someone else, that he would be quite OK about my friend ending the "relationship"?

SNM - Your words are the ones that went racing through my mind when she & I spoke.

That makes 2 uh-oh's in the one post. I sense loads more caffeine-shots coming my way if that is the case in the future!!