I haven't got direct experience of this, but my family has.
To cut a long story short (although it might still be long) ...
My grandmother married her first husband and had two boys. They then got divorced (this was back in the early 1940s) and my grandmother kept the youngest boy and the husband kept the oldest boy.
Over a period of time, all contact was lost between my grandmother and her eldest son that went with her first husband.
My grandmother then met my grandfather (who died in 1977) and fell pregnant with my mum. She married my grandfather and gave birth to my mum. When she married my grandfather, she still had her second-born son living with her, but when my mum was born, my grandfather turned round to my grandmother and told her that she had two options. (1) She had to leave with her firstborn son and newborn baby (my mum) or (2) she had to put the firstborn son up for adoption. Because this was the 1940s and no help was availble for single mothers and my nan had no way of supporting herself, let alone two children, she decided to put the boy up for adoption. He was sent to a children's home in Brighton and then all contact was lost with him.
Two years later, my aunt was born. When my mum was about 10 years old, her mum and dad were going through a very bad patch and her dad (my grandfather) turned to my mum and told her about my nan's previous marriage and the two boys that she had.
When I was about 12 or 13 (when "Surprise, Surprise" used to be on telly) my mum told me about her two half brothers and she always wondered where they were. She said that if ever the boys contacted "Surprise, Surprise" (with Cilla Black) my nan would have "a heart attack". Although my mum was very interested in tracing these two half brothers, she would never have taken that route because of the distress it would have caused my nan.
Although it was common knowledge in the family, it was a bit of a taboo subject and something no-one ever talked about.
I also told my husband about these two half-brothers of my mum.
Anyway, 3 years ago this Christmas I was at the local hospital with my daughter one morning when my husband who happened to be at home received a "funny" phone call.
This "funny" phone call comprised a man who started asking my husband weird questions about the family and kept saying that "we have to meet up".
It transpired that this man was my mum's long lost half-brother (the one that went to live with his father) and he had tried to find any family that he may have.
Because I have a very unusual surname (made up of my husband's first dad's surname and his step dad's surname - we are the only ones in the world), this half brother found the following information.
- He traced that my nan had re-married and got her new surname.
- He then found out she had two daughters (one of which was my mum) and found my mum's marriage certificate.
- He then found my birth certificate and then found my marriage certificate.
Because we are the only ones with our surname, he then had no difficulty in tracing us.
When I got home from hospital, my husband told me about this call and he had this half brother's name and telephone number and it was left for us to contact him as and when we felt ready.
I told my mum obviously and we were in a bit of a dilemma about what to tell my nan. Eventually we decided we had to tell my nan and then she could decide if she wanted to make contact or not.
My nan did decide to make contact and the whole family met up over Christmas for the first time in over 40 years.
At this reunion, it was my nan, aunt, mum, dad, half-brother, his wife and all his children and partners. Me, my husband and my brother decided not to attend, as we felt they had to have time on their own first before the whole family was introduced but the half brother thought differently (which was his choice).
Lots of things came out in the first meeting - obviously there was a lot of anger on the half brother's side about why he lost contact with his mum, etc.
What came out of this, which was devastating for the half brother, is that he didn't know he actually had a younger true blood brother (who my nan had put up for adoption). This he found very hard to accept and he decided to try and find this younger brother of his.
It transpired that the children's home the younger boy was sent to live in (at age 4) had the opportunity to send him abroad to live and be adopted. He was sent to Australia (and it breaks out hearts to think about that young 5 year old with a carrier bag which held all his belongings being put on a ship and transported half way round the world to a country and people he had never met).
When the younger brother arrived in Australia, he never got adopted and spent all his youth in different childrens homes. He was told by the church that he had no family and, basically, he had a very sad youth.
When he was more than 50 years old, he decided he would try and find any family that might exist even though he had been told he had no mum or dad. He thought perhaps there might be aunts/uncles/cousins, etc. and contacted an agency that was set up in Australia for children like him who were in the same situation.
As luck would have it, the agency he contacted was also the agency that his brother in England contacted and because they both had the same surname they were put in touch with each other.
Imagine their surprise to find out that they were actually brothers.
Lots of contact was made by phone, etc. and in Christmas 1999 the brother from Australia was sponsored by the agency to come to England to meet his long lost family.
He was originally intending to come for 3 weeks, but ended up staying about 9 weeks and he stayed with my mum for the duration. His daughter came with him but, because she had left her husband and young son in Australia, she went home after the three weeks.
He met up with all the family and everything turned out wonderful.
He is just so glad to have found his long lost family that there seems to be no recrimination towards my nan about her adopting him - he is just grateful that at long last he has found his family.
Last year my nan and aunt visited him in Australia and we are hoping to try and arrange for him to come and visit us again sometime. He has no money to pay for flights, etc. but the family is thinking of paying for him to come and see us.
Even though he was the one that seems to have had the worst life out of the two boys, he seems to have adjusted really well to meeting the family. It is the elder boy who went to live with his dad who still feels a lot of anger towards my nan but he is having councelling to try to come to terms with the situation.
Even though we cannot turn back the clocks, we are now trying to make amends with these two half-brothers and trying to forge a relationship, although it can never be as it should because of the amount of years that have been lost.
I suppose the whole point of this story is to say that things can work out well and I am sure if your father wants to make contact, I would go for it. I have only the experience of my two half-uncles and what they have gone through, but I know that my whole family is there for them now and, even though none of what has happened, is my mum's or my fault, we are trying our best to make amends for the past, even though we cannot change any of it.