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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DH hiding debt? will never be able to buy my house :(

15 replies

meandmytwoboys · 28/02/2011 15:04

Both me and DH have been paying off old debts for most of our relationship. He knows exactly what I owe, and says it is only his student loan and one small credit card left.

He received a letter a couple of months back from a debt collection agency, however he insisted that he had never had a bank account with that bank, and they must have the wrong person. He rang them and told them this and they seem to have dropped it (we do actually know someone in the same area with the same name...) I do believe that they can make mistakes as we have also had letters addressed to DH for money that his dad owes.

Today, another one has appeared (different debt though). Alongside it was a refusal for an increased overdraft for his account, which makes me very suspicious...

He seems to be applying for his overdraft to be increased as often as he can, and is refused every time. He also applied for a store card before xmas and was refused. His credit rating must be shot to pieces, and we were aiming to buy our house as soon as we could afford it, looks like that plan is ruined. :(

He has been telling me over the last week that he wants to do as much overtime as possible so we can clear our debts. I now wonder if he knew about this new one...

Its almost as if its a compulsive behaviour to get as much credit as possible for no reason. And I'm not sure whether he genuinely doesnt know that he still owes money, or whether he is trying to hide it. He is in work at the mo, so I cant speak to him, but I have texted him to let him know that both letters have arrived and to ask for his bank details (as I am on mat leave, he pays all of the bills. I want to check that they are being paid!)

I am a regular but I have posted before under this name re his drinking, which has drastically improved.

OP posts:
meandmytwoboys · 28/02/2011 15:29

shamelessly bumping my own thread as I feel so shit :(

OP posts:
MittzyBittzyTeenyWeeny · 28/02/2011 15:51

CAB are brilliant at reorganising finances and can talk to your creditors, get interest frozen and calculate manageable monthly payments.

I really recommend that you do this it makes such a difference to life when you are no longer constantly worrying about it. It is truly a millstone.

But I am so so sorry this is a problem, it is probably partly shame and not wanting you to worry that makes him secretive even though in the long run it just makes things worse.

The drinking is also possibly related to the stress which is a viscious circle, and having experienced a relationship with alcohol issues I am Sad for you.

If his credit rating is not good in the long run that helps as you can't borrow any more but again, talking to CAB really can help iron things out for you.

I hope you get it sorted, on ML you don't need these extra worries at all.

KatieWatie · 28/02/2011 16:01

I'm glad the drinking problem is improving, that's a really positive step and there's no reason why this can't get sorted too.

As well as doing the CAB thing as suggested above, I would also suggest you have a 'cards on the table' session where you come clean about what you know/suspect and encourage him to come clean about how deep the pile of doodoo is. He must know it's not going to go away.

It's only once you have the full facts that you can start sorting it out together, and can put a timescale on how long it will take to sort it out (I assume the CAB would help you with this), which will have the benefit of allowing you to see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and make you feel like you're more in control.

I know you feel crappy about it at the moment but I think that's probably because you feel like you're not in control of it, so hopefully you'll feel tons better once you've consolidated everything and got it all out there.

fedupofnamechanging · 28/02/2011 16:04

Can you get his credit file from Experien (sp)? That will tell you if he is missing payments for debts and what he owes. I'd get one for yourself while you're at it. Think it's possible to do it on line.

Also ask to see all bank and credit card statements and for him to authorize you with the bank so you can to speak to them about the accounts. I don't know if you have personal liability for his debts if they are in his name alone and not for a joint account, but certainly joint assets could be pursued if he gets behind with payments.

If he refuses to give you this info, then I think that is an admission of a problem.

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 28/02/2011 16:09

I think untill he lays all of his cards on the table you will continue to feel like this, if he is not being honest with you you will not be able to get on top of things.

A VERY VERY frank discussion will need to follow. I don't think I would necessarily believe the whole it's not me line without DOB type proof (to happen once coincidence twice more than a little suspicious).

meandmytwoboys · 28/02/2011 16:12

I've asked for bank and credit card statements, everything done online nowerdays means its not as easy as it would have been. Plus for a lot of the debt its from his student(ish) days, and he's moved around a lot since then so doesn't have any of the paperwork.

I can cope with debt, even including this letter today and the debts hes already paid, I owe more than him. But I am on top of my payments, I know exactly what is going where and when it will be paid. Its not even that we can't afford the payments (though it is tight with me on ML), which just confuses me even more (and why we cant really freeze interest btw)

He just called and I spoke to him, he is insisting that he never had an account with this bank either Hmm
I asked him why he applied for the overdraft, he says he did it as a whim while on his internet banking. I explained that I'm angry that he would make the decision to get us into more debt on a whim, just as much as I would be if he made the calculated decision to do it.

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DorisIsAPinkDragon · 28/02/2011 16:12

Karma is right with the cradit check as it should show everything. (you can get then for free as a trial (and with cashback as well via sites like topcashback.

His response to that suggestion will speak volumes and give you an idea as to how things stand re a potential house purchase in the future.

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 28/02/2011 16:15

If he's absolutely certain they are not his debit (I'm abit Hmm on that then def needs a credit check with respect to id theft. (However the fact he has repeated tried to increase his overdraft and is actively looking for further credit makes me more Hmm

Dropdeadfred · 28/02/2011 16:16

are you allowed to get a credit check for someone else without their permission?

meandmytwoboys · 28/02/2011 16:16

Both me and DH have (separately before we were married) used Experian, plus I know at least two friends who have. It took both of us months after the free trial to cancel the account, all the while we were being charged. My friends had the same problem, so I'm wary of signing up again...
Sorry I know that sounds like I dont want to help myself, but it was a really bad experience...

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meandmytwoboys · 28/02/2011 16:18

When he's tried to increase his overdraft / apply for credit cards before, and I've found out hes been turned down, he insists that hes trying to IMPROVE his credit rating.
I've explained that refusal after refusal does NOT look good...

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givemeaclue · 28/02/2011 16:18

tbh i dont think the key issue here is whether you can buy a house, its that your dh is not being honest with you about financial matters and that does seem a little bit of a recipe for disaster. You need to find out from him exactly whats been going on - what debt does he have that you may not know about, what other things e.g overdraft extensions has he applied for that you aren't already aware of?

good luck

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 28/02/2011 16:27

Have you been to moneysaving expert, they have tons and tons of advice on how to improve credit ratings etc.

Oh you wouldn't be able to do it on your own (credit check) it would have to be at his instigation. (even with bad experience I think a full run down may give you some indication of what you are up against percieved or real).

meandmytwoboys · 28/02/2011 16:29

Buying back my home (sold it to family) has always been my aim, its why we've been putting all our money towards debts. I feel like I'm not achieving anything if I get my debts paid off but cant buy it back and I am just back where I started...

OP posts:
annielouisa · 28/02/2011 16:43

Who applies for an overdraft on a whim? If your DH cannot be honest with you problems will keep catching up with him. I helped DD2 sort out her finances (not with money but advice). To start with she was too ashamed to be honset about her debts but it really helped when she was able to tell the truth.

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