Alcohol dependant hubby - im ready to walk is this the right thing?

[monstermissy]

Ok, a brief history, dh has always been dependant on alcohol throughout the 16 years we have been together, i would say alcholic he would say not. A few years ago he promised to stop drinking and for a while things were good.

Then the bottles started appearing etc and now we are at a point where although compared to before he isnt drinking much he is still hiding bottles and drinking lots once every couple of months that i know of.

After recently finding empty rum bottles behind the kitchen kick boards i told him if i found alcohol hidden in the house again then our relationship was over.

I went to babysit saturday night for a friend and came home to find him bladdered, despite him claiming he wasnt i soon found the empty vodka bottles.

He hasnt said anything to me since, he reckons there is no point in saying anything now. The way he completly blanks it happened is making me boil with anger. Its been 16 years im tired of all the crap. I want him to leave but of course he wont cause its all my fault according to him. Ive given up trying to help him. I cant support him anymore. In fact right now i hate him.

Can only tell you that if you don't, it will never get better, and you'll have to put up with it for the rest of your life.

If you want to try and save the relationship (don't know if you do), have you contacted Al-Anon?
I remember reading in Sheila Hancock's book about John Thaw that they separated for about 18 months, I think - the pattern of behaviour was exactly the same as yours and he did stop drinking in the end. No guarantee the same will happen with your DH though. Sorry, must be horrible for you.

How come he says his alcoholism is your fault?

Of course you cannot support him.
Do you have children?

Can you see a lawyer and just prepare divorce papers?

His says its my problem in my head ie- if i didnt make such a fuss or complain about the drinking then there wouldnt be a problem. The drinking isnt the problem just me complaining about it.

and no,i dont buy it for a minute.

We have three boys, to smaller ones adore him, my eldest loves him but openly thinks hes a 'nob' we all love him but i cannot risk a slide back to how it used to be.

To be honest i dont think i want to save it anymore, i would of done anything for him at one point but he doesnt even have the decency to sit and talk to me properly or apoligise. He says there is no point.

The drinking IS a problem. It is a problem for his liver and health in general. Alcohol is also expensive.

Does he work?

Just read that he says there is not point to talking.

I think this man has chosen. He choses alcohol over you. Logically, you should not feel bad then to prioritize yourself and your kids and start divorce proceedings.

He works very hard, we both do. He just cannot resist spending money we dont really have on alcohol if he knows there is a window of opportunity to drink it. No where near as bad as he once was but i dont want to be about if hes going back down.

If he continues to refuse to discuss honestly his drinking then i have no option. My boys are learning how to be a man from him and i dont want them learning this.

Thankyou for replies, its not an easy thing to discuss with friends or family.

Just wanted to say you've got my sympathies. I am in the same boat as you, although my DH has been drinking copious amounts of (mainly) vodka most days recently and passing out at any time after about 5.30pm. Like you I have 3 DCs and have been agonising over starting divorce proceedings. I finally called on Friday to book an appointment to see a solictor this week, as yet again DH was in a right old state in the afternoon, only for him then to announce he had stopped drinking for good on Saturday morning. Think I'm going to still go ahead with my half hour free appointment this week though - it can't do any harm - and then if (when?) he falls off the wagon (again), I can start the ball rolling.

Good luck with whatever you decide. I saw a solicitor last summer and she put together an official warning letter to my DH. It worked for a short while but not long.

really really sorry you are having to cope with this.

yes it is the right thing to leave. you have done nothing wrong and don't deserve this in your life.

i wish you all the best with the split. i'm sure it won't be easy.

Yep, ive also seen solicitor in the past, only for him to promise he wouldnt drink etc never lasts long. At least it isnt a daily occurance any more but the mentality is still there. He used to take vodka and abit of coke in a coke bottle and drink all day at work. All im left with really is thinking i wish i had gone through with leaving years ago.

So fed up of trying to help him and be supportive to him when he wont even discuss things with me.

Best of luck to you, its not a good place to be. x

Just bumping for the evening crowd.