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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Anal sex advise needed

44 replies

Ray81 · 28/02/2011 09:23

I considered name changing for this but didnt want anyone to think i am a troll so i decided not to so here goes.

DH would like to have anal sex and i have always been "not on your life mate" about it, he hasn't forced the issue or anything but recently when we make love he sort of plays around in that area and it does turn me on big time (sorry if TMI). So i have been wondering why i have been so against it ifkwim.

So i would like some advise from those that have had and do have anal sex, i know it can be a sensitive issue and i dont want any arguments about the rights or wrongs of it.
Could you tell me why it is you enjoy it? does it hurt? are there any side effects ifkwim? I was abused as a child and i although i have had councelling it has always effected me when it comes to sex just recently i have been feeling less like it has been and therefore had less inabitions ifswim. Hence this thread.

If you dont want to share and dont like this sort of thread please hide it but i know MN is good for getting advise on all sorts of things so thought this the best place to get advise on this. I have know one irl i can speak to about this other then DH of course.

OP posts:

BalloonSlayer · 28/02/2011 11:37

SOH Surely it hurts like buggery, not like fuck?

(Certificate; Puerile)

SarahStrattonHasNiceBears · 28/02/2011 11:39

Acceptance speech please :)

happiestblonde · 28/02/2011 11:40

Love it.

Slowly. Very slowly. It always hurts for a second then great.

ShowOfHands · 28/02/2011 11:45

I was going to say hurts like buggery but I thought it was puerile. And it was a direct quote.

Sarah, she used lots and lots of lube, took it slowly. It wasn't something she did recklessly or without thought. And they built up to it. But I guess every couple is different. And sometimes biology doesn't want to allow it. She was tiny. He was allegedly huge. Gawd only knows how she persevered.

SarahStrattonHasNiceBears · 28/02/2011 12:03

It's definitely not for everyone SOH. It wasn't for me for years and years until I got curious. And if your not relaxed then it will hurt no matter what. I think the tiny/huge would have put me off too

Original poster

Ray81 · 28/02/2011 13:06

Tobylerone- do you mind me asking what sort of strange effect it has on you psychologicaly speaking. I am interested to know because i have had issues with sex due to my abuse and i wouldnt want to do something that could put me back yrs ifswim.

Thanks everyone for their input its great to have the practical advise and to also know i am not alone if i do decide to go head and do enjoy it. Although am thinking being pissed out of my face may be the way to go the first time.

I realy dont like the idea of bleeding and tearing so that is putting me off alittle.

Whomever said about gay tendancies i have often wondered if men that do enjoy bum sex do have them but think i am being a tad narrow minded and wonder if it is because it is alot tighter ifswim.

Anyway may show this to DH later would like to see his face when he sees i have been asking others re Bum sex.

OP posts:

TobyLerone · 28/02/2011 13:13

I'm pretty sure that men liking bumsex has less to do with them being a bit gay and more to do with it being 'forbidden'.

The strange psychological effect it has on me is that it sometimes makes me quite tearful afterwards, without it having been painful or rough in any way. There is no reason that I can think of why this may happen, but it scares my boyfriend!

Malificence · 28/02/2011 13:18

Getting drunk in order to attempt this is a really bad idea, you need to be in full control of the situation in order to go very slowly and if you are pissed then you might not feel it if you tear or you might be so relaxed that faeces move down into your rectum at an inopportune moment.

CarmenSternwood · 28/02/2011 13:24

A couple of and lots of rimming first

BarbaraBar · 28/02/2011 13:30

IM(very limited)E it's very uncomfortable.

It will feel like you need to have the biggest poo in the world but you can't iyswim.

BelleBelicious · 28/02/2011 13:34

I like it - but not with my DH.

For me (and I think most men too) there is a strong element of dominance/subjugation - of being really dirty - so you have to be with a partner you feel safe/happy to be like that with and who you respect a lot.

Try it - all good advice re. lube and taking it slowly (I do a bit of yoga breathing on penetration, iykwim).

If you don't like it, don't do it again. It's only sex.

Original poster

Ray81 · 28/02/2011 13:35

Malificence i think you are right being totaly drunk wouldnt be the best idea perhaps just 2 glasses would help ifswim.

I havent decided if i will do it as yet all this helps though.
i am leaning towards not doing it but then should i just write it off without even trying?

Barbarabar i kind of got the feeling maybe that it what it would be like.

Tobylerone, thats not realy a good reaction and i think it would upset DH greatly if i reacted like that to it i will have to make it clear if i do decide to go ahead that this may be possible.

Perhaps just the playing around down there is enough for the time being.

OP posts:

EricNorthmansMistress · 28/02/2011 13:53

I like it. It feels good and it's an erotic experience. However I don't do it often as I don't want to damage the area. When we have done it I have never had any pain or bleeding, you need to be relaxed, trusting and have good communication - also use a condom and lube. If you have had a poo that day there won't be any poo related mess, and in any case he should just whip the condom of into a tissue after. It doesn't feel like needing a poo. He needs to understand that he can't thrust too hard or deeply but if you have good trust then you may enjoy it. Make it clear though that if you change your mind at any point you will tell him and he will stop, and prepare him that you might be likely to change your mind.

ThistleDoNicely · 28/02/2011 14:08

I find the idea of it being 'wrong' far more difficult to overcome than it being uncomfortable/sore. Not sure quite how to explain it but I had a partner (it was a Dom/sub relationship actually, as Belle suggested) who loved it and while he was very gentle and took things slowly each and every time I would have this mental struggle to allow him entry to that 'special' area. I didn't want it, it was dirty and wrong and nasty, but when I was able to relax it gave me the best orgasms ever! I actually miss it now because my husband isn't into that. I'd say if you're open to it just go for it (slowly, with lube) and if you don't like it you don't have to repeat it. Nothing to lose by giving it a go.

berryshake · 28/02/2011 19:33

I totally disagree, EricNorthman - it feels completely like having a poo! It's a really unsettling sensation (until it gets good), and it rather mucks up your muscles in terms of going to the loo afterwards.

I liked it, but I wouldn't do it again because an ex forced it on me, so it's now completely associated with SA in my mind.

sexmad · 28/02/2011 20:02

test....

inspireddance · 28/02/2011 20:08

Use a condom, much cleaner.

Slowly and gentle, he needs to stop if you feel any pain.

Try it on yourself with a very small anal plug or finger first.

There's lots of good advice on the internet for techniques. It really is quite pleasurable.

sexmad · 28/02/2011 20:08

ok, I have done it with DP and only him in my life (was married before, & various other partners)

have tried rimming (not a fan pre se on balance)

anal for me with DP doesn't hurt, he's very very immensly gentle, and uses plenty of lube, (plus condom) he's not huge to your 9 inches sort but enough.

i've not found it to be 'looser' the next day, however even after showering the effects of the lube can be slightly felt.

We discussed it before trying it, I wasn't drunk (and wouldn't do it drunk.) I wouldn't even entertain it if it didn't feel right, if I didn't trust DP 110% and if he wasn't so gentle.

sexmad · 28/02/2011 20:09

ps we did use a plug (oh and we save it for really really naughty sessions - think role play and dress ups, shows etc.)

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