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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Bloody Step-Mother - just a moan - sorry...

8 replies

lollystix · 27/02/2011 21:02

Usually get on well with stepmum who lives nearby although don't agree with some of her life principles - i.e. claiming DLA for depression yet chucking the prozac and using the money for 2x cruises a year ('well if the govt. are stupid enough to pay it to me....'), giving up work at 33 and sponging off my dad since as '11 years work is enough for anyone . She helps peridicially with DC when it suits but don't get any regular help childcarewise from her and my dad (would interrupt their John Lewis scone lifestyle).

Anyway yesterday on the phone she's on about booking their next holiday (back off cruise last week) and talking they could buy a villa in spain, NZ, blah blah blah.... they generally just go from one 5 star holiday to the next. Anyway I stupidly mention we have cottage in UK and the dates. She flippantly says 'oh we could come along - you wouldn't mind?' I supidly, caught on the spot said 'I don't think so'. Two hours later get a text saying she has booked the cottage next door for the same week - money not an issue here and I should have realised this.

DH gets home from the pub and goes ballistic as he doesn't like her or my dad and tries to avoid them. He's obviously very pissed and says a load of nasty stuff about me and them. I text Stepmum to say DH not so keen and wanted to be just us family. She texts back 'no worries we'll cancel' but now DH and me rowed all day cos of his crap attitude to me and we are not speaking.
I feel completely drained by it and all cos I was caught on the spot.

Do u think she was a bit unreasonable to be so flippant in asking and then just booking herself in on the basis of my mumbled 'err - yes' on the phone? She has cancelled and not made a scene but now I feel shit and awkward with her and my dad and I'm pissed that it's caused a massive row with DH.

To top it off we DH's parents a couple of moths ago if they wanted to come for a few days. They are working out if they can afford it. Now if they come and DC let the cat out the bag, I'm in the total shit. DH thinks it's fine for his parents to attend but not mine

OP posts:

ninah · 27/02/2011 21:05

I'd be more fed up with your dh tbh
she asked if she could come. You said yes. You changed your mind and she cancelled, no fuss.
yet your dh is still sulking

compo · 27/02/2011 21:05

I'd give her a ring to make sure they're ok about it, it's a but crap to text instead of talking to them
as for your dh, you've sorted it all out so what's his problem ?

lookingfoxy · 27/02/2011 21:06

Well she asked and you said yes.
Think the problem is your dh, not your stepmum.

dignified · 27/02/2011 21:14

I think the problem is with your H . Many people arent fans of our inlaws but we make an effort for our partners . Ranting and saying nasty stuff about them isnt ok .
Looks like hes got some ridiculous double standards , what if you refused to have his parents come along or said nasty things about them ?

Original poster

lollystix · 27/02/2011 21:17

lookingfoxy - you are right. I was just so furious with DH today as we get into the same pattern of arguing where he feels it OK to shout at me and it's all my fault and then he's so cross he can't speak to me and usually doesn't for 2-3 days and I'm supposed to suck it up and apologise.

Today I just lost it - told him I couldn't be arsed with the sulking as I didn't have the mental energy and took the kids out all day. I came home ansd shouted some more at him. Cos he was pissed he can't remember what he said so he's been a bit sheepish. I've just got to the end of my tether with the passive agressive shit I get - I'm realising that's what's been giong on - his dad is a master at it and his mother is totally beaten down now after years of the sulking and bullying. I don't want to end up like her and last night I just thought 'enough' and started shouting back. That's a whole other moan though....

I know I was a fanny to have not directly said no on the phone and I did apologise to DH about that saying I should have done and that I'd sort it. He didn't accept it and started saying I was a total loser, etc, etc. To be honest he was pissed and just making non-sensical arguments.

OP posts:

perfumedlife · 27/02/2011 21:19

Agree, your h is the problem. Stepmum asked and was told yes, then was told no so she cancelled. Your h is still in a huff What makes him so entiteled? I couldn't take the rantings seriously of a man freshly back from the pub, can't see why you do.

clam · 28/02/2011 08:50

Think your stepmum deserves a bit more recognition for cancelling and not making a scene at all. Good for her.
Your H, on the other hand....

Smum99 · 28/02/2011 10:33

As others say your stepmum has done the right thing - you say you and her usually get on well so it's fair for her to ask if you want to share a holiday. The only learning point is that you could in future say that you need to discuss it with your husband however I feel your H has different standards. His family ok, yours not so ok..that's something to worry you about and also he has over reacted, calling you names is not appropriate.

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