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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

I've ended it... am feeling strong

12 replies

Sunflower38 · 27/02/2011 19:13

Hi ladies,

I'm quite new to the site, but tonight I let my ex of on/off 8 years go for good.

We split up in January but had been texting back and forth intermittently.

I know he is a commitment phobe and will never give me what I want.

I finally (finally!!!!) see it is never going to work and sent him a text tonight saying as much. Am strong now but know I'll I'll never ever forget him but he is not good enough for me.

I love him but a huge part of that is coming from a bad childhood and accepting sweet fuck all (can I swear here??) and accepting his CP behaviour.

Am scared for the future, but I don't need him.

I sent a txt msg, he will be shocked but I mean it. NO MORE!!!!

I have so many wonderful friends, but when it comes to relationships, my self esteem is rock bottom. Pathetic really.

He never deserved me... it's only just sinking in. I'll never contact him again... too much pride. But God, it has been good to finally say it and mean it :)

OP posts:

madonnawhore · 27/02/2011 19:20

Congratulations. Welome to the rest of your life :)

Original poster

Sunflower38 · 27/02/2011 19:26

Thanks madonna, I have seen plenty of your post on here... all so insightul. Thank you!

Tomorrow is another day....

He hasn't replied but I meant everything I said. It's not enough and no more worming his way back in.

God, can't believe I finally did it... no going back now. This is the time to take my life back.

Wahhhhhooooo (nervous though!) :)

OP posts:

Doha · 27/02/2011 19:26

Well done stay strong,

You obviously deserve much better than what you had

CheerfulMe · 27/02/2011 19:30

Hurrah for you! Now you've made room in your life for a nice fella, when the time is right. Though you may find you are delighted to be single for the foreseeable!

SmashingNarcissistsMirrors · 27/02/2011 19:37

well done. enjoy this gift of love and respect to yourself.

ChaoticAngelofAnarchy · 27/02/2011 19:38

Congratulations. It may be a good idea to stay single for a while and work on any self esteem issues, so when you feel ready for another relationship you won't put up with someone just because they're there iyswim.

Original poster

Sunflower38 · 27/02/2011 19:46

Thank you, guys, you are great :)... I am a sound woman, look after myself etc

I spent xmas with is family (I'm from Australia so have no family here, but told him if it was awkward having me at his family at xmas then no bother, I have plenty of friends that asked me to spend it when them. he said, no problem spend it with his. So I did, was lovely to see them again but to know I wont see them again is a tad shameful, oh well).

And he's 8 years older. With a limp from a knee injury from football he never saw to and a lovely bald patch forming.

Of course that didnt bother me at the time, but now superficially I'm thinking Ha! I look early 30s. He's 46, never married!

I spent a fortune on his family's presents (and I always liked them so no bother)but I had just lost my job and was so grateful they had me over... I'll miss them loads but he really is a CP TOOL.

8 years is a long time, but no more. :)

I got on so well with his family at xmas... I could see the noose getting tighter around his neck... but what was I meant to do? Not be myself? As if :)

OP posts:

kangers · 27/02/2011 19:50

You sound firm and strong- make sure you keep busy and focussed elsewhere.
Well done.

Original poster

Sunflower38 · 27/02/2011 19:51

Staying single for a good while... don't worry. Am so not ready to jump into somethinhg again.

Bit teary... but no going back to that.

Thanks so much for listening, it's a big (and much over-needed)leap, but I know it's for the best.

Thanks for reading and replying xx

OP posts:

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 27/02/2011 20:08

Well done you, have a . It's alwasy better to be single than trying to fix or cling on to a relationship that simply isn't working for you.

molemesseskilledIpom · 27/02/2011 20:21

Congratulations.

That weight lifting off your shoulders is the best feeling ever.

Now kick back, treat yourself and do somthing you havent done for a long time - something just for you.

Original poster

Sunflower38 · 27/02/2011 20:26

Thanks springchicken, am having a ... needs must, but am not faltering.

He plays the Big Man, but can't deal with feelings. Pathetic at his age, am sure I'll be replaced physically in no time but we did get on (despite him saying otherwise, he took me on holiday to the caribbean, all paid) and not to mention the stops he pulled for my b'day... ah stuff him. Not enough :)

Who does all that and says 'let's face it, we didnt really get along)? Tooooool.

OP posts:

Flip