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Original poster

P trying to break door down

12 replies

BertieBotts · 27/02/2011 17:30

My friend really needs your advice again. Yesterday morning her P (who has been emotionally abusive for a long time and has threatened her to the point she is afraid of any confrontation in case things turn physical) turned up drunk in the morning. So she got their 2 year old ready to go out. He asked "Where are you taking my son?" and she said "Away from you" and then walked out. Apparently he then while she was out changed his relationship status on facebook to single Hmm and blocked her. So she has done the same. When she got home he was not there, though his stuff is still there. She is not sure at the moment whether he is living there or has moved out. (They're not speaking at all). She knows the facebook thing is petty but it's the last straw for her and she says she just wants him to go away and leave her alone now.

Anyway last night in the early hours of the morning, she had locked the door and gone to bed, she had 2 friends staying who were downstairs. P started kicking and punching the door trying to get in, then went round to the front and tried again. Friend was terrified at this point and called the police. She said she was crying on the phone to the police and she told them she was scared that if he got in he would hit her, and he might not stop. Police said it's his house too, you have to let him in. If he hits you call us back. Angry She said that's not good enough, I'm scared, what if I can't call you because he doesn't stop? They just repeated that she had to let him in. So she let him in, police spoke to him on the phone and have cautioned him (though no idea if it's valid - over the phone??) He was of course perfectly calm and polite when speaking to them.

She tried to phone Women's Aid yesterday but couldn't get through. I said to try again tomorrow and have also given her local DV number to call. I said I would post here for advice because she said she doesn't want to post herself, although everyone was nice before, she is too scared.

I was surprised though at the police reaction - why did they insist she let him in when she was so frightened? I always thought this would not be the case. The policewoman she spoke to said because he had never actually hit her they couldn't do anything. Friend did not mention to police that he has threatened her before, not sure if that would make a difference. Hopefully she has more luck with WA or DV unit tomorrow.

OP posts:
DrRichandNimble · 27/02/2011 17:35

She doesn't need to allow him into the house if she is in fear. I am stunned the police advised her that.

She should go to the local county court and ask for a non molestation and occupancy order. It means that they will (hopefuly) decide he can no longer live their and that he is not allowed to harrass or molest her.

Original poster
BertieBotts · 27/02/2011 18:06

How do you go about getting one of those? Is it only through the county court? How do you do that?

OP posts:
PeterAndreForPM · 27/02/2011 18:45

She needs to get legal advice first thing Monday morning

tbh, the police's hands are tied until there is something official in place

if it is joint tenancy, he does have the right to enter the property I am afraid

I don't know exactly how to do it, but Women's Aid should be able to advise her on that

tell her to contact them ASAP

maristella · 27/02/2011 18:49

the police's hands are not tied!
When my xp tried to come back to my house the police said that although he was still on the tenancy, they would arrest him for breech of peace if they needed to. They arrested him from my doorstep quite a few times

PeterAndreForPM · 27/02/2011 18:54

good point, mari

I do think the police's response can be very variable

if they stick to the letter of the law though, it can seem that their hands are tied, as evidenced here

DrRichandNimble · 27/02/2011 19:02

sorry should have explained.
To get a non mol she just attends her local court and asks for the forms. There is a fee ( around £70 i think) but if she is on certain benefits this is waved. She just needs to take evidence with her.

She will complete the forms which is basically like giving a self written statement.

she will then be asked to sit in front of a judge. This is not usually particularly formal so she should not be frightened. They will ask her some questions about why she feels she needs the non mol and the attached occupancy order.

If she has the order granted then he will be served by a court bailiff. he will have the chance to attend court at a later date to offer his own statement. she is also invited. this is his chance to get it revoked. but given that she has had to call the police about him i would be surprised if it is not granted.

Also yes, police should have attended if he was banging on the door as at the very least it is breach of peace.

DrRichandNimble · 27/02/2011 19:03

I think the problem you have with the police is that the call centres are usually manned by civilians with only basic training. they do not know the full powers of the law and can give advice based upon their knowledge of the law.

Mouseface · 27/02/2011 19:16

All of the info you need about an Occupation Order and others are

Here

The Women's Aid website has lots of useful info for her about the legal side of things too.

Maybe if she had a look through before contacting a solicitor, she may be able to say what she wants to happen more clearly?

Original poster
BertieBotts · 27/02/2011 19:26

Yes it's a joint tenancy. Well actually we're not sure - it's a council property and his name is def on it, and they know she lives there (for HB claim, other benefits etc) but she isn't sure whether her name is on the tenancy itself because he has always dealt with all that. Only benefit in her name is Child benefit - they are on a joint JSA claim under his name. I've told her she needs to inform everyone etc and she plans to go to the jobcentre tomorrow, I think she is still in shock though. So it sounds like she might need to get benefits sorted before she can get a non-mol order as she won't have a spare £70 lying around.

It would be easier if she could stay in the house because of her DS, and also she has nowhere to go. He has said he is going to his mum's but she doesn't know if he is planning on staying until he finds somewhere else, or planning to come back and kick her out/persuade her to make another go of it. Again I've told her she needs to either find out or assume he has moved out and take action to prevent him returning. I can't go and give any moral support in person until Wednesday but it sounds like she does have friends with her who have helped so far, sitting with her while she calls WA etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
BertieBotts · 27/02/2011 19:26

Thanks for the link mouseface :)

OP posts:
Mouseface · 27/02/2011 19:29

No worries, hope she's ok Smile

Original poster
BertieBotts · 27/02/2011 22:43

I think she will be ok. Just a bit overwhelmed by everything atm.

OP posts:
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