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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

He won't move out, what are my options?

12 replies

backtothedrawingboard · 27/02/2011 11:16

I have asked H to move out because our relationship has broken down. He is very upset at the moment and doesn't want to break up the family. Neither do I but I have run out of ways to try and make things work. I am stressed out to the point of illness and I just feel that I need him out of the way (even if only for a short time) to get our heads straight. Money is not the issue, we can afford to rent a flat for him for 6 months (just).

However, he is refusing to go and he is refusing to let me go because I would take the DCs with me. Is there anything I can do to make him leave?

OP posts:

MogadoredMemoo · 27/02/2011 11:18

I would get the locks changed while he was out.

LittleHouseByTheRiver · 27/02/2011 11:20

Ask him to go with you to Relate to discuss it all. They can help you separate kindly.

And be calm and take the long view. He can't force you to stay in a relationship that you want to leave. SGB will no doubt back me on that! The rest is detail

DerangedSibyl · 27/02/2011 11:24

Why would you lock someone out of their house away from their children if they've done nothing wrong? (and at this point, we don't know if the husband has done anything wrong!)MogadoredMemoo, would you like it if your husband decided he didn't like you anymore, therefore he was going to change the locks???????

MogadoredMemoo · 27/02/2011 11:27

Just stating my opinion. And I think a man who refuses to leave for a while even though him being there is making his wife ill isn't behaving very well. If he had any respect or decency he would at least check into a hotel for a week to give her some space.

mayorquimby · 27/02/2011 11:32

don't change the locks it will look terrible in future legal proceedings if you two do split up. You have no right to exclude him from his home (based on the facts available so far) and it will only go against you later on.
Plus it's hardly going to help the op's illness if he then decides to break in through a window or a door which he would be entitled to do.

DerangedSibyl · 27/02/2011 11:36

Would you leave? Would you leave your children and move out just because your spouse decided he didn't like you any more?

MogadoredMemoo · 27/02/2011 11:46

I have read previous posts by the op and IMO her dh treats her really badly. Plus she is ill and needs some space.

compo · 27/02/2011 11:49

I think it's up to you to leave really
what are you planning in doing ? Selling the house and splitting the proceeds and getting divorced ?

DerangedSibyl · 27/02/2011 11:50

Ok, but you can see why I've posted as I have - there is nothing in the OP to say that her husband is badly behaved, just that she doesn't want him there.

CheerfulMe · 27/02/2011 11:54

"he is refusing to let me go because I would take the DCs with me" - this is the heart of your problem.

Him not wanting to move out of his own home - fair enough, some might say. It's his home after all. Bit wanky, perhaps, but he's entitled to at least grumble about it.

Him NOT LETTING YOU MOVE OUT is another matter entirely. You have free will, for Gods sake! Who is the main carer for your kids? If it's you, there no reason why you can't move out and take them with you, that is a perfectly reasonable thing to do upon relationship breakdown. It's not as if you'd be preventing him from seeing them, after all. But you have every right to decide you do not want to be in a relationship with him any longer, and to decide you don't want to live with him either. He needs to separate that from his role as a father because the idea of him 'not letting you leave' is very fucked up and worrying, frankly.

If I were in your situation I would get some free legal advice (or even post in the MN Legal section) as soon as possible to find out what my options were. Then I wouldn't ask him; I'd tell him how it was going to be.
Good luck.

compo · 27/02/2011 11:56

Agree with sibyl, we're just going by the op, is he abusive then? Why is being with him making you ill?

ladysybil · 27/02/2011 11:56

you cant change the locks. Its his house to, so legally you have no right to prevent him from havin access unless he is likely to cause you physical harm, and nothing you have stated suggests that. also, you need to keep things semi decent between you for the sake of kids and future access arrangements.
if he wont leave, you can always try the making him leave option of getting his mom to have a word with him. if that doesnt work, and its unlikely to, then you have no option but to leave yourself. its him or your sanity.

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