Hes moved in with OW

[twinkle1010]

H left six months ago to be with OW. They are moving in together this weekend. (I know because we have a DD so I have the new address for when she stays over, which is something that is filling me with dread.)

I want to feel better and to not care, so why am I in tears at the thought of it? I know we are not getting back together, just feel like his life is all exciting and hes obviously madly in love.

Please give me a shake and tell me Im not always going to feel this crap!

No you won't always feel this shit. Once the novelty and excitement has worn off, OW is going to have to deal with the same annoying habits that you put up with for years, bickering about loo roll, empty marmite jars put back in the cupboard, etc...

Also, remember the old adage that when a man marries (or in this case, moves in with) his mistress he creates a vacancy. Will be interesting to see whether OW is posting the exact same problem on here in 5 years time.

Do something lovely for yourself today: buy yourself a nice bunch of flowers, paint your nails, take DD somewhere fun. Be kind to yourself today and be grateful he's someone else's problem now!

I know how you feel. It does get better, I promise, but it will take time.

I agree do something nice with your DC, they are more important now, and remember that eventhough DC will have contact with OW, they will never have the same relationship with her as they do with you.

My ex left 18 months ago, moved in with OW straight away, he'd been seeing her 3 years, I hadn't a clue.
They have lived all this time in her small flat, while I'm in the 5 bed family home. However, in 2 weeks time they are moving into their first home they will own together.

I feel sad about that because it's another step for them, they are getting their life sorted. I'm

I have a nice home for now, but it's up for sale to fund the divorce settlement. I will not live in such a lovely home in the future but it will be mine, no one can take that away from me again.

I have a new lovely man, I see him a few nights a week, my DC like him and we have a great time together. So it's not all bad.

But, yes, it's tough. Keep smiling.

It's not surprising that you feel like this. It's so final isn't it?

He's all happy, showing you he's in love, moving forward and getting on with his life, leaving you behind.

I imagine that there was a tiny part of you hoping it wouldn't get this far.

6 months is nothing. Not compared to years of being together. Give yourself time to heal, time to get the real you back.

You won't always feel like this as madonna says but no-one can expect you to be all balloons and banners about this weekend.

I agree on the treat front, M&S have some gorgeous bouquets in at the moment and maybe you could take DD for lunch somewhere too?

Be kind to yourself x

Disclaimer - other well known retailers stock perfectly adequate flowers and I don't work for M&S

Oh partytime

Why are there so many shit partners out there? 3 years of not knowing must have side swipped you off your feet.

Nice to see you are moving on

His life is exciting to him because he thinks he is madly in love. Reality will set in at some point.

Thank you for your replies.

Im definitely going to keep busy today and do something nice to take my mind of it all.

Just feel like there is always something isnt there. Everytime I feel human again I find out something else that knocks me back. I know its early days just wish I didnt care so much!

Ive even googled their new address, how sad am I!!

Partytime, sorry about the house but Im glad your making a lovely new life for yourself x

Also, it's all hunky dory for him at the moment but I BET he feels weird and jealous when you meet someone. He's got all that to come and it will probably throw him further into turmoil because he'll be in a relationship when he finds out.

Anyway, it feels shit today for sure because you're envious and feel rejected and the injustice of it all is outrageous, but you won't always feel like this. Just keep mentally fast forwarding another 6 months, by which time you won't give a shit.

Have a lovely day today. Is it sunny where you are? It's gorgeous spring sunshine here. Season of new beginnings...

Twinkle, I know what you mean about it being another knock back. I think it is normal to feel that way.

I am in a really positive happy place most of the time now but every now and then I hear something about ex and it brings me back down to a sad place.

Usually, it's hearing from my DC that he's gone away for the weekend somewhere nice, or some event they've been to. I get the 'it should've been me, not her' feelings.

Madonna is right when she says it's the injustice and rejection that hurt. You will get better.

Tell yourself, like I do, that he wasn't such a great DP as he wouldn't have treated you so badly.

P.S. it's pouring rain here.

It's sunny here

Twinkle - yep, as soon as you meet someone he'll feel sick, I'd bet my last rolo on it.

Even though he's moved on, the thought of you having a physical relationship will make his blood run cold.

Oh Twinkle.

You will feel better one day, keep going, you are in the right direction. I know it hurts like hell, but remember, you live with dd, he will forever miss out on that major part of her life.

The relationship he has started with lies, deceit, there is no way it won't have it's problems, major ones at that. How can ow trust him, knowing he is a liar and a cheat? I wouldn't want that life, ever.

He will get bored of his new partner and lie and cheat to her. Might not be now but it will happen eventually. If he did it to you for 3 years, then it's almost a certainty he will do it again.

Good luck :)

twinkle am so sorry. What other posters said- 6 months is nothing, be kind to yourself, treat yourself and your children. And I honestly believe that the fruit of a relationship built on lies, deceit, betrayal, unfaithfulness and misery will be more of the same. While you have the opportunity to live a life free from those things and the people that caused them.

Thank you for all of your messages.

Im back again. They've booked a holiday, with his whole family, on our wedding anniversary to the place we actually got married. (Cyprus)

Its like I never existed, Feel so shitty. Cant keep picking myself up after he does all of these crap things. Its not getting any better and I dont know how much more I can cope with.

Ooh, that's a low blow, Twinkle

That just shows how rubbish he really is. How insensitive. Anyone who does something like this isn't worth worrying about. He must be an idiot. How does he think your DC will feel about it?...or perhaps he hasn't thought about them either.

The OW can't surely feel good about this though too, celebrating your wedding anniversary.

It will get better - there will be someone out there who cares about you and for now just get through a day at a time with your children.

Twinkle - Yes, you can. You CAN keep picking yourself up and over time, it will be less and less of a struggle.

All of these things, them going on holiday, to Cyprus, on your old wedding anniversary are heartbreaking.

And, maybe, just maybe, he's doing it to get a rise out of you.

Maybe not.

Don't let him hurt you anymore Twinkle

Twinkle, think of it this way. The sooner they get all the romantic rubbish out of the way, the sooner they can start having other important 'firsts'. Their first fight, first lies they tell each other, first one to cheat, first time he calls her by your name, first time she digs him about his dirty underpants, first time he sees her making an effort for a night out without him. It all comes my dear, all relationships started on lies head into troubled waters, simply because the trust basis is so fragile.

He will also have very good memories of you whilst in Cyrpus, and dont think she wont know this, and be riled.

Poor OW, she must be gutted that he takes her on holiday to the very place he married you. Speak of being made second fiddle to you....

What an arse. You are well rid.

Wise words, perfumed life

She will never really trust him because she knows he's a liar and a cheat

I'm so sorry twinkle, what a shitty thing to do (but agree, also v weird for OW?). I'm struggling at the moment, but trying to tell myself that what I miss is not H, but the feeling of being loved by someone. But who really wants to be loved by someone who lies, cheats and is a complete and utter bastard? Not me (I tell myself). We are worth far more than that, and are now free and have the opportunity (in the coming months/years) to either a) meet someone who is worthy of loving us, or b) have a single life that is far more happier and fulfilled than being married to someone who is not.

I tell myself!

Perfumed is right.

She's walking in your shoes. How horrid. But how just too some might say.

Do you think that maybe he's testing her? Seeing if she can handle that? Living in your shadow?

She'll NEVER be totally at peace with her life as long as she's with him, he cheated on his wife with her. She is running that risk every single day. The risk that he'll do to her, what he did to you.

Twinkle - if it is any consolation it will probably be weird for her to go to a place where you got married etc. Not saying you should feel sorry for her but maybe take some delight in that

I have a couple of friends with partners/fiance's who insist on going back to hotels/locations that they previously went to with their former or ex wives etc and neither of them like that very much. Similarly DH and I tend to prefer to holiday in locations which are new to us rather than places we went to with exes as there is just something nice about creating completely new memories together untained by ones with previous partners. Also if your ex in-laws are anything like mine they will probably mention you a few times too which will probably make them both a bit uncomfortable! It actually sounds pretty horrible to me.

Are you able to book a nice holiday/weekend away for you and DD so that you both have something to look forward to?

You will get over this. It takes time. I am completely over my ExH tosser and adore my new husband but still enjoy a little bit of schadenfreud when I occassionally hear that something has gone wrong for him and OW (now his wife) or that ex has been asking mutual friends about me and my new life (I never ever do that about him) You'll get there.

Erm that'll go down well...him recalling places he's been with you in Cyprus! With that level of insensitivity to you & OW, he'll be retreading over old ground in more ways than one. Moron.

Your new future is just around the corner my love, built on solid ground because you are honest and have integrity. Rely on friends and family and be open to new experiences and opportunities. No shakes, just hugs and support

i knw how u feel it hurts.ive decided to treat myself with a new hair style why dnt you treat yourself.lol