Suspect FIL having affair..do I tell DH???

[ifeelsicktoday]

Really need your help & advice I have name changed on the off chance someone recognised me on another thread. I suspect my FIL is having an affair & I don?t know what to do. It is making me sick with worry.
We are a v close family. I have just started working with DH & FIL in family business
I was watering my MIL plants (on fortnight holiday) when I noticed a book (ok, I was snooping slightly) about what to do when your husband has an affair. I thought it a little odd...made me sad & upset to think this might be the case...
Anyway fast forward 3 weeks and i start work in the office with DH & FIL. First day & task, I have to fix FIL email settings and test emails and notice a v flowery email thanking him for the perfume & other gifts.
Made me feel sick & teary had to go back into office in evening to fix other IT problems on his computer & had a look in his deleted box & lots of emails, some saying things such as ?come round Tues at 2pm etc....
What do I do about this.....I dont do secrets from my DH so this has killed me for the last 36 or so hours?

anyone able to help??

I think for your own sanity you need to discuss what you know with your DH and then together you decide what to do--if anything.

Gosh, how awful for you. I would probably gently speak to DH about what you found. Let him decide on what to do. Did your FIL know your were accessing his email account?

horrible situation! i agree with Doha, dont leave it though, it will play on your mind and Dh will wonder why you havent mentioned things earlier.

oh and good luck:)

thanks for advice so far. FIL knew I was in his email account as had to fix settings. I marked the perfume email as unread (he is so IT illiterate that he will think it has not been read & double deleted it when I went to look for it later), he didn't double delete the other emails.
DH knows something is on my mind (Im so easy to read) but thinks its to do with soemthing that happened on Monday and hit me hard...also have PMT which doesn't help..

i would still tell him it will eat you up otherwise! good luck, no time like the present if he senses something anyways

Talk to your H, then at least you can share the anquish and the poor man can understand what is UP with you IYWIM

last thing you need is for him to get the wrong end of the stick and cause trouble between you.

You weren't snooping. Tell him now and come back and tell us what he said

I would be cautious. It sounds like your MIL already knows and it is their relationship. Is there any way you can get distance from FIL so you are not confronted with "the evidence"?

If you tell your DH be careful about then "doing anything". It isn't really your business, though i totally understand why you would feel so affected.

he is out tonight..with his parents! I don't know if its a fairly new thing...I do not want to cause trouble within our family either, I feel for my poor MIL too. The reason I have reservations about telling my DH is that i hav only just started working with them and if I told my DH it might make things different in the office etc

fallingandlaughing I totally agree with you...
my DM has always said "the only people who really know what is going on in a relationship are the 2 involved". so it really is none of my business...then why is it making me feel physically sick....

It must be horrible to feel like you know something about your fil that would make you think less of him. Only natural that you would feel sick, especially as it puts you in the position of feeling you are keeping a secret from your husband. Have you decided what to do?

I think you might be jumping to conclusions and I certainly don't think you should have been looking round your MIL's place; the computer thing was less avoidable. If you think your DH can keep it to himself, then tell him. If he's the sort who's going to cause ripples, then don't, and sit on what you know and stay schtum. I tend to think it's not really your business either to know or interfere.

Thanks for thinking of me fallingabout! Need to tell dh tonight
as can't do this whole secret thing...will update later

I don't know, I think telling your dh could ruin his relationship with his dad.

It seems likely that your mil already knows and is dealing with it in her own way. She may not want her son to know and may want to make her marriage work without anyone else knowing what's (possibly) happened. Surely she has a right to her privacy?

You might be right yikes they are business partners and
this might f&@k things up. Dh & FIL work in office together every
day. All the advice so far has been v helpful and made me stress
less about the situation. I keep thinking once I've told my Dh I can't
take it back IYSWIM so scenarios of what would happen next keep
going around in my mind. DH is very level headed so will do what
is best...I feel angry that the situation is causing me so much stress.

I'm sorry what you say seems to be all about you. I think you should reconsider telling your dh.

What good will it do? It relieves you of stress, but potentially unleashes a shit-storm.

thank you zikes you are 100% correct. I agree with your comments and do not think anything good will come out of mentioning it to anyone, which is probably why I have been stewing over it since Wednesday... I am going to try & forget about the whole situation....(might be easier said than done though!). Thank goodness for MN so that I can get some advice without being found out x

I think that's a bad call OP. It means you are keeping a secret from your H. You cannot erase your memory, can you? In your shoes, I would just stick to the facts and ask your H what he concludes. He might come to a different conclusion, agree that he's had his own suspicions, reach the same conclusion as you or put his head in the sand and request that you both do nothing. I suspect keeping this to yourself will drive a wedge between you and your H and create tensions with your ILs.