Anyone else have rubbish in-laws (or outlaws as I prefer to call them) and how do you deal with them? My MIL had a breakdown early last year, all sort of reasons why....general personality, religion, just the way she is etc....too many reasons to mention really. She'd been a midwife all her life and only recently retired. My family all live 140 miles away and are pretty normal in comparison. All throughout my pregnancy, DH's focus was more on his mums deteriorating condition than me or the baby. MIL got hospitalised in May as she just went seriously looney tunes. My DD was born at the end of May. DH kept raving about how wonderful his mum would be at helping me out once she got out of hospital (seeing as my family are too far to visit often). Took baby to visit MIL in looney bin hospital - all she could ask me over and over again was 'are you breastfeeding' to which i said not any more as i had serious milk problems, lost 2 stone in weight in 2 weeks from stress and not eating (no-one around to help me cook or rest....hubby at work and me all alone with new baby).
Anyway - I made friends with lots of new mums nearby (NCT ladies, playgroups etc) and soon found my feet and felt more confident as a mum as time went on. DD is 9 months old now. In 9 months I haven't had one iota of help from my in-laws or SIL's etc - none at all. Only help and support i've had is from friend's and occasionally my family driving half way cross country at the weekends. In-Law's live a 15 minute drive away. My DH and I haven't been out together as a couple since last August as his family don't offer to babysit and all my friends have kids of their own (we couldn't afford a sitter at the time) and its now almost March. MIL didn't get out of looney bin til last Sept (4 months!)and is on some pretty strong antidepressants. Now I am expected to bow down to her rules and go visit in-law's for dinner every sunday. They always eat at the same time....6pm....which to me is too late to eat when I have to put the baby to bed at 7pm. They don't make it easy for me to feed the baby there either, never leave enough space for me to fit the feeding chair or whatever. DH says i should just chillax and go with the flow but when you get home late with a cranky baby who won't go to sleep and you have to work the next day, chillaxing isn't an option. Have asked if we can pop round for lunch instead but they don't do lunch as MIL goes to church and won't "not go" for one day just cos of grand-daughter coming. All the time I was on maternity leave, not once did in-law's come to visit at home, see if i was ok, see how DD was. MIL so out of touch she's not even bought one babygrow or gift for DD - not that I care but i find it really strange. DH thinks his mum will miraculously get better and one day will baby sit for us but i'd rather deep fry tempura my head with a chive garnish than have her look after DD.
Am i just being the worlds biggest mug to keep putting up with this shenanigans? DH is as helpful as he can be but he's stuck between keeping his bonkers mum happy and keeping me and the baby happy - i think he should just concentrate on keeping me and the baby happy to be honest.Really all i want is a bit of a break at the weekend with none of this family tension going on. I keep praying that one day my DH will see the light and that the sun doesn't shine out of his mum's @rse and she's a certified loon. Have discussed moving to a new house near my family which i would love to do as DD would have her little cousins nearby, I'd get a bit of help and support from my sisters and brothers who are very family orientated and its a lovely city to grow up in but DH doesn't want to leave his family. Put up with this, bite my lip or an ultimatum? Anyone else got rubbish in-laws and no support from them at all? How do you cope and what advice could you offer?