Who's mid life crisis ?

[feverfew]

In the last 6 months I have been asked by two different men to enter into an affair, I said no to both.

One was someone who I worked with we were friendly and flirty at work, I was horrified, it turned out he was unhappy with his relationship, we talked it through and he know that there was no way I'd go there.

The second was a guy I've known for 25 years, we'd been friends as teenagers and had snogged a couple of times in our early 20's, I know he asks his sister about me regularly and we were at the same party, we had a catch up chat how are you etc etc, then he said i hadn't changed, etc and how he regretted us not getting together years ago, I laughed as he'd asked me out then actually stood me up, so his own fault, he then asked if I'd call in to see him as he'd like to start something - again I said no way.

is this me or them - am I giving off signals that I'm unaware of ? i wouldn't have an affair but am a bit flummoxed that after 9 years with DH and 2 children that I'm suddenly being propositioned.

[Rhubarb]

Lucky you!
Take it as a compliment!

[feverfew]

I'm horriifed, DH and I had a bad patch last year that i don't think we've gotten over completely we just keep going. he accused me of acting like a divorced woman (I was going out once a month with my sister and some other women he didn't like as one was having an affair, we'd go for drinks and I did come home at 2.30am drunk a couple of times)

he knew about my friendship with the guy from work, and he insisted that I end the friendship, which I've done.

I just wonder if DH is right and I'm encouraging this type of reaction, I'm just normal and don't understand why this is happening

[Rhubarb]

He's acting like a spoilt kid! I have lots of male friends, one in particular I was very close to before I met dh. Whenever we go back home, I usually go out with this friend BY MYSELF and it's never been a problem. I'll also have a drink with other male friends. None of them have propositioned me so far, but even then I should hope that dh trusts me enough for it not to be a problem.

This really is a trust issue with your dh. You've told him about these men I take it, and the fact that you said no? He wants to start counting his lucky stars that he is with someone who is obviously very attractive to other men too. And that someone wants to be with him. But if he carries on in this jealous way, he'll drive you away.

[feverfew]

God rhubarb no, he wants to punch the guy from work as he thought he was too close, we were very close we'd email and text, go for lunch had a couple of works nights out where we danced together (this was after I was propositioned and said no - and I always made sure he realised it wasn't going anywhere other than friendship) - DH really didn't like it told me I was either in love or stupid if I didn't see what he wanted from me.


Haven't told him anything about the old friend at the party at all - he'd only hold it against me.

and although I did have male friends before I met DH I don't now, the only men I really talk to are ones I work with and that's kept on a professional basis, there's the odd flirty comment but I don't tell DH about them either now, I used to and think I made a rod for my own back.

It's weird as i used to be very jealous and possesive but as I've gotten older I'm just not anymore, he wasn't but has got worse since he got older - I think or maybe I just didn't notice before

[Rhubarb]

Hmmm, I wouldn't still be texting and phoning tbh. I might go out for drinks with my male friends, but if one of them had propositioned me then I'd keep my distance, I wouldn't be dancing with them. You may have said no, but whilst you are still paying them attention, they think they are in with a chance.
Sorry but I'm doing a mind-change, I think your dh has a point.

Turn it around. If your dh was propositioned by women whom he still kept in touch with, lunched with and danced with, without you, would you be lenient with him?