Want to help friend whose marriage has broken up - pls advise

[wantingtohelp]

Have changed my name for this as my friend is an occasional mumsnetter (mostly a lurker rather than regular poster - but she does know my user name)

Friend with two small children (pre school) is in bits because her husband has left. Don't know how to help her. Have offered help but she hasn't really asked me to do anything - have reiterated offers of help too so that she knows they are genuine....

She doesn't really want to talk about it at length or endlessly go over what is happening (can't blame her) and is very very down. She's gone a bit hermitic not taking phone calls very often and seemingly prefering not to see her friends.

If you have been there (marraige break up) - what help would you have wanted during that early period when it is new and shocking and earth shattering?

The evenings when the kids are in bed can be awful. What about turnign up with a bottle of wine and a pizza? It might be the ice breaker than she needs to be able to open up and talk to someone.

Offer to babysit, I should imagine coping with the children on her own would be pretty bad too. Agree with the DVD and wine.

wantingtohelp, you sound like a really good friend i would say just keep doing what you are doing now,keep offering to help be there to listen. when i went thriugh my two divorces at first i wanted to be alone, i wanted time to work things out in my mind. just stick around be there for her.
everybody needs time on there own .

Thanks - I'll definitely try the pizza and wine thing...

When my marriage went through a bad patch I found it hard to ask for company even if I really wanted it because I was afraid I would be too dull and not very good company, so agree with pizza and wine idea. Also would try being a bit more proactive with the help and see how she takes it. Some of my firends were very direct and would ring me and say I am going to come around and take the kids to so and so to give you some time, which was great, but I would never have asked for it. But as edgetop said, she needed time alone, so just gauge your friends reaction to what you do and play it by ear. You sound like a lovely friend already.

I would never ask for help but to the friends who emailed me, phoned me, fed me wine and curries and spent time picnicking in the park with me and ds - thanks, you kept me sane!

im in the same boat except hubby threw us out well told us to leave cause he cant handle it anymore, i dont know what to do we have 2 kids ourselves and my 3 yr old crying for daddy, but he dont wanna work things out since things have gone down hill for the last 2 yrs since he got hime from iraq, he wont go to counseling, im hoping space is what he needs, please help me on this one, i need my family back together