How do you end a friendship, especially when you can't tell them why you don't want to be in touch anymore?

[FourFortyFour]

We were close at school and then lost touch. Have been back in touch but now I feel differently and don't feel we can be friends any more. We have very little contact tbh so wonder if it will even be noticed. I would rather not say why I don't want to be in touch and it isn't really relevant as it is me being emotional/unreasonable rather than them doing anything wrong.

ignore calls? sounds harsh but will work

its ok to not have anything in common after all these years

Fortunately it is a text communication really as we live a long way apart.

I guess we don't have much in common now.

I should just stop replying.

Suggest using Facebook instead (make up an excuse about it being free or wanting to see each others' photos)?

Then block their updates from your News Feed.

Do you need to actually do anything? Just don't answer texts unless you feel inclined to do so and let it slide. It is almost impossible to formally dump a friend without looking like a total whanger, better just to allow the friendship to fizzle out unless the person is set on making a pest of him/herself.

I would just ignore texts or reply sporadically.

It doesnt sound like a great friend so you dont owe them an explanation or anything

I am in a similar position - at what point do you delete them from your FB friends and remove phone number from mobile etc?

Unless the person is posting really unacceptable messages on your wall, or bombarding you with distressing texts, I would just continue to ignore.

To be fair if its only occasional texts, then you havent really resurrected a close friendship, you are just distant aquaintances now. I dont think you really need to do anything. Just ignore the texts and they will probably stop too if the sender gets no response..

Funnily enough, squeakytoy, maybe they are wanting to drop me now as they only seem to text in response to me. Problem solved. It is hard to be close when you don't see/speak to each other but then I have another friend who for years we spoke maybe once a year with odd emails and texts and we are as close as ever, she lives a long way away too.

Just let it drift - reply to texts if you feel like but do no more - don't thnk you need to formally end it.

Life is like that where people come and go from your life

SGB, I was in the same situation but the bloke in question was an ex-fling now 'friend', and he kept calling me even after I ignored messages etc. I don't have caller display . Was awful. So I did end up looking like a total whanger. He was NPD though and that was my main reason - didn't take it very well when I mentioned that to him

Letting it slide is always, always preferable if you possibly can. They'll get the message in the end. Probably

CM: Oh there are some people that you have to be harsh with, I quite agree. But in the OP's case it sounds like she just isn't bothered and the other person's texts are not that big a problem, so letting it fizzle out naturally is the best option.

I've been on the receiving end of a friend wanting to cut contact, and tbh it hurt like hell even though her reasons were understandable - we'd been to uni together and lived together for two years at uni, she now lives in a different country but we'd stayed in contact and seen each other a few times since leaving uni. 6 yrs on from uni I got married and invited her to my wedding. Her reply was along the lines of "I'm happy for you and not surprised you're getting married (??!), but was surprised to be invited. I don't think we have much in common anymore so I won't be coming to the wedding" - I think I'd have prefered it if it just drifted out naturally (and I wish I hadn't pursued it) :(

That is so harsh threebubbas. I don't think 'we have nothing in common any more' is a good enough reason - you do, you have 2 years living together in common, regardless how long ago it was. Amazingly harsh imo - what a cow. Particularly the 'i'm not surprised you're getting married' comment. You must be glad she is no longer your friend!!

OP, has something specific happened? Was she offensive or not a friend to you? If not then I don't understand why you want to drop her - do you want to drop her because you're not interested in her any more? If so, that's horrible - no wonder you don't want to say it.

The advice to ignore her calls/texts is foul imo, particularly if your reason is because she no longer fits your lifestyle, like an accessory. If she has offended you then be specific, if not then don't slither away like a coward, show her the respect she deserves.

Threebubbas I'm not surprised you were hurt, how needlessly cruel. Why not just, "congrats! Sorry I can't make it, but have a wonderful day."

Sometimes, things need to be spelled out. The occasional harmless FB comment/text? I don't see any need to do anything, really. Why reject someone when you don't need to? Nobody likes rejection, after all, not unless they're a masochist.

threebubbas similar happened to me, except she said she would come when I phoned, then never replied to the written invitation and didn't come. No reason given. It still hurts 7 years later. Pathetic, I know.

No, I don't want to drop her because I am not interested any more . I am not a horrible person.

I know - so many different but better ways to do it. plastic it's not pathetic, it's human to still feel hurt by those kinds of thoughtless acts :(

I do think it is generally kinder just to let a run-its-course friendship slide rather than actually saying to the person 'I don't want you as a friend any more, go away.' Unless the friend you're dumping has done something truly diabolical like stolen from you or spread nasty rumours about you or whatever.
People do change and grow apart, a lot of friendships depend a lot on proximity and when yo ulose that, you often find other friends in your new situation. Some people will always be 'friends' even if you only see them once every two years or so, others, without the Big Thing you had in common (being at uni/workplace mates/shared obsession with Take That) are people you just have nothing much to say to any more.

Just let it drift, particularly if there's nothing specific that's bothering you.

You never know, one day you might bump into each other and go for coffee, or end up living in the same town.

No need to permanently close doors that you don't need to.

She has done something that has really upset me but I certain she has not given how her actions have affected me a second thought and I don't say that as if she is a cow. I know it is my issue. I will just wait to see if she contacts me and see how I feel then.

Thank you for all the posts.