how to tell the kids daddy is leaving

[spagbolmum]

well he's leaving, his choice but how do i tell the kids. both girls 9 & 11 and both daddy's girls

Were you the op on a thread earlier today about a DH texting another woman lots of times?

My advice at the moment would be - don't rush into telling them anything yet, particularly not because you're angry.

In the meantime, this thread might give lots of good tips to handle this sensitively for when the time is right.

Good luck.

yep that's me - i gave him the choice of stop texting or leave - he chose to leave

I agree with your asking that he stop the texting btw.

I'm just not sure from what you've said on the other thread that he realises he's chosen to leave. I think it will be more a case of you telling him he's leaving and it sounds like you've got a bit more work to do on that front!

So, I'd put plans for telling DC on hold for a wee while.

probably right, always been the sort who once i've made my mind up i have to do it straight away. he works so many hours i can probably get away with just telling them that for now.

Yes, good idea. That will give you time to sort everything out.

I'm the same - can't stop obsessing until everything is done. Want it done yesterday.

No need to tell them yet. Dont rush it.

You have plenty to deal with before that time comes.

One step at a time.

I don't know what steps to take and in what order.

I have alsorts going thru my mind, the kids, the house, money, school runs!

god there's so much to sort out

When is he going and where to?

I'd sort joint account first.......

He said he's going to stay with a friend of ours doesn't want to back to his parents after leaving home 20odd years ago - altho i think he just doesn't want the earache from his mum.

i'm the one who controls all the finances, he wouldn't have a clue how much i would need for the bills etc so i think thats high up on my list of to do's

Well, I am so impressed, you don't hang about.
And good for you. I wonder how he is going to dress this up though, if he is going to try to imply you threw him out, and wouldn't allow a friendship

Where is he going to? Tell him you will need an adress for formal communications in the future.

Remember, he chose this, he chose to tell you that, if you couldn't trust him, he would leave. You cannot trust a liar, ever.

i kind of impressed myself asking him to make the choice. i think he was expecting me to beg him to stay

It hasnt sunk in yet ! He still thinks youre going to shift.............

given you ask for practical advice in your op, here for what it's worth is mine:

1. do nothing quickly or while you are cross
2. popular wisdom says you should both be present when you tell the girls so that neither of you is nasty about the other
3. my girls were 13 and 11. We actually told the 13 year old first and the 11 year old a little bit later; felt they would have different reactions, which they did, and that worked sensibly for us
4. have a friend or relative on stand by who they can call privately to talk
5. answer questions truthfully but age appropriately (they are still kids and do not need gory details at this stage)

good luck. I feel for you.

Good advice from offschoolagain. There is no need to tell the kids anything this soon. The only way you can hope to get to the bottom of this, and for him to wake up to what he is doing, is to keep standing firm. You are doing brilliant,, you should be really proud of yourself.

It's taking the crap that wears you down.

thanks, i'm planning to wait a little while before telling the girls.

Never thought about telling them separately thats a good idea and will give the eldest a chance to ask any questions she might have.

For now everything is 'normal' in their eyes

If he changes his mind when he realises you are serious, will that change anything for you? Because obviously this would affect how long you wait before involving your children.

i can't honestly say, i love him with all my heart and thought we'd have matching zimmerframes!

If he told me he wouldn't text her again i'd love to beleive him but he's lied so many times he would have to try really hard earn my trust again

Spagbol - is that a freudian slip ? ( above post )

How are you today ? How was your evening ? Anyother news from your dp ?

I would hold off saying anything for the moment as it sounds like you dont want relationship to be over, you put your foot down but got a different reaction than you expected.

This does not mean you wont get the reaction you wanted given a few days apart and that's a hell of a rollercoaster to put your kids on.

It's really very hard because you are probably saying to yourself, "I wish I didn't love him, that I could just cut that bit out then it would be easier" or feelings to that affect.

You know the behaivour that is not acceptable to you, you have to stay stong about that and not give in to save your relationship or you will be miserable and thats not good for any of you in long run but keep the kids in the dark for now, they don't need to be needlesly upset.

Best of luck x