Really peed off at SIL

[minginjean]

Hi all, just wanted some advice and a rant. Future SIL is planning her hen night for May. Told us it was 199 for one night to include paint balling, hotel room and meal. She asked for deposit of 100 from everyone the first week in Jan. Most people replied that they'd have to wait and see as they were a bit strapped for cash.

From there things got really rude. She wanted to know why we couldn't stay in for a few weeks and not spend any money so we could save for this. Some girls came back with the reason that they never had nights out anyway as money was so tight for them but if she can sort it so we don't have to pay huge deposit five months in advance they might be able to swing it. She replied that this was the most important time of her life and you really know who you're friends are!!

One of her friends actually tolf her to f off and that she wanted nothing to do with it if that was the attitude she had. I stayed out of all this as future family I wouldn't count myself as her friend.

She has since replied to say that deposit not due till this week and that its only 36 (which i think just served to annoy people even more as originally she had asked for 100 so was she just gonna use the money to pay for something else and pay hotel dep when it was due ie. now)

So last week I mailed her to tell her that as myself and two other members of the family have so much on over the next few months, we will go on her hen night but we will sort out our own accommodation. We have another family wedding a few weeks before hers plus the hens and stags and she knows this so paying 200 for one night for a hen just isn't going to work. She has comepletely ignored my email. I presume it will stay like this now, she won't reply at all.

Do you think I am in the wrong here, she seems to think that we're letting her down not paying up when asked and not agreeing to pay the 200 euro. We rarely see her, she doesn't particularly get on with the rest of the family yet she's making us feel like we're her best friends letting her down.

To me, my hen weekend was all about my family and friends. Of course future husbands family were invited but if they couldn't make it, it didn't upset me.

At my wedding, the restaurant manager approached me with a completely terrified expression while all the guests were having pre-dinner drinks, and grovellingly apologised for what she was about to tell me. I assumed we were about to be told of a double booking/vomiting sickness in the kitchens/chef in a car crash. What she actually said was that they'd had to change the vegetables with the main course as the ones we'd agreed looked manky at the suppliers'. I just remember staring at her and saying, "um, that's fine. I'm sure they'll be delicious..." and after a minute she started to laugh, and said, "are you sure you just got married?"

Apparently, brides are unspeakable. She said that altering a menu is usually cause for a tantrum and a demand for a discount. I blame the sodding magazines, all the hysteria about YOU MUST GET THE PERFECT SHOES! And YOUR DAY, YOUR WAY! Bollocks to it. The wedding is a nice bit of fluff on the commitment, and it's just a party! Not life or death, fgs.

One of DH's best friends married last month, and DH didn't go to the week in Eastern Europe stag do for money reasons. Everyone understood. The sodding wedding alone cost us close to £500 by the time you factored in a haircut for me, dress that fit since having a baby and travel/hotel. We love them and it was fine, but it was fine because they would always have understood if we'd had to say no. That's what friends do.

I am so, so sorry for your brother, this woman sounds a nightmare. Poor you, too.

I am paying £250 for my SIL's hen do, 2 nights away. I think its about the normal cost of weekends away, £200 a night sounds steep, is that all food and drink included?

I would not question her activity nor the cost as its her hen do. However, I dont think anyone has any obligation to go once she has chosen her activity/cost, except maybe those friends which she has forked out for on their hen dos in the past.

Did she go to yours?

I paid for my SIL's flights to mine!!

DH and I combined our stag/hen do(s). He was playing the night before our wedding, we had no money to spare for anything, were already having the cheapest wedding we could. He played his gig, I went to it with a load of friends, a load of his friends came too. We all got completely sozzled and had a great time. Not too hung over for the wedding next day.

People are mental about hen stuff these days.

She didn't reply to my email so I asked her on fb if she got it and she just replied yeah.

Not bothering my arse with her anymore, ungrateful cow. She can't see anything but herself, I'm so mad at that response don't think I'll even go now. Haven't seen her face to face yet but when I do not gonna bother saying a word about it. If she brings it up think I'll have to cut her strings and bring her down to earth with a bump.

I've never experienced anything like this, she's going to get a few sharp shocks about life if she ever grows up

She's marrying my husbands brother by the way. She's also been on fb abusing members of our family and my husband had to tell his brother to get her to take the messages down, which he did. He also told her if she did that again, there'd be no wedding!! Here's Hoping!

Is she awfully young?

I wouldn't go. It's only a hen's night.

I'm boggling at the person whose friend organised a hen's night in Spain. Is that a thing, now, destination hen's weekends?

Gosh.

early 20's, I think I'll wait and see how it all pans out now. Not bothered in the slightest if I go or not. I'm more concerned that my husband can afford to go on his brothers stags than saving money to go on hers

I think you are partly to blame for this Mingingjean, you agreed to something and then pulled out, so got her hopes up and then dashed them.

She sounds young and like she has a low selfesteem that she feels that everyone has to come and that it is all about her big day, maybe the poor cow has never been made to feel special by her family, her friend who told her to publically F off sounds dreadfull.

She should not have been slagging you off on Fb, you should not have been stringing her along.

What response did you want from her in an email?

If it was me, I would give the young girl a break and stop looking for a family drama out of her.

She sounds like a joyful addition to your family, to be sure.

I wouldn't go, especially as she sounds like she's going to behave like a spoilt petulant brat all night, demanding that things are all done her way and everyone should pay for her because it's her important day and she shouldn't be expected to pay for herself.

Tortoise - my best mate decided to have a hen week in Spain. It might have been Magalufe, it might have been Torremolinos, I can't actually remember - one that sounded horrifyingly BRitish touristy, anyway. I did actually agree to go [mug] but sadly had a nasty whiplash/car crash 3 days before, so had to pull out. Am v. glad I did. I got all the money back via personal accident claim for the whiplash (but didn't get anything like enough to pay for the new car I needed after the wretched 3rdparty wrote off my old one) - and was a little sorry to have missed her hen week - but she did also have another hen party for her wider circle of friends and I did go to that (private room in a pub with food (awful) and a hypnotist (funny) - much better)

I have done several hen weekends away - mostly for very good friends - and while they're fun if you're friends with everyone going, I think it would be pretty tedious if it's with a bunch of people younger than you who you don't really know.

My worst disaster was one of my friends for whom I was chief bridesmaid - she wanted a hen weekend in Dublin. Tricky to start with because Dublin was already rather sick of hen and stag dos, so lots of places wouldn't have you to stay if they knew that was the event - but I managed to find somewhere, had a job getting people to agree to it, booked a cheap flight early - and THEN! the bride rang me to say she couldn't make it because she'd forgotten she had another wedding to go to that weekend!!! I went to Dublin by myself anyway (non refundable flight). But I was Not Happy.

I also have heard of someone who planned an activity weekend for her hen-do - I think that was on here too - real high-impact activity shit stuff that she really enjoyed but most of her friends probably wouldn't! Don't recall the outcome of that one, if we ever found out...

Don't put yourself out financially - sounds like it won't matter what you do, you'll be in the wrong anyway.

I think partly, because I live in Australia, going overseas is not just a weekend trip, it is Going Overseas complete with large amounts of luggage and a year or two of saving up. So it strikes me as ridiculous.

A bride double booking her own hen weekend is pretty funny, though.

My husband did a laser skirmish and paintballing thing for his. All the wedding photos feature an enormous purple lump on his forehead.

Nice!

pamelat I misread the end of your post as saying

'I paid for my SIL's to fight at mine'

Now that would be a hen weekend to remember

I went to Spain for mine It was pre children 4 years ago and everyone else seemed to have theirs overseas. Now I wish I had booked a cottage in the UK and slept

BellaSwanCullen, I have explained in my posts, I never agreed to this as she wouldn't give us a date and I couldn't commit to anything until I knew when it was so I can't be letting her down.

Also, she barely speaks to us from one end of the year to the other so I can't understand how she would feel let down by any of us not going.

Fair enough if she has low self esteem or is never made to feel special by her family as you suggested but it's not my job to do that!! I don't understand what you're suggesting I do?

Thumbwitch, you're stories are hilarious!

Bella, you are talking shit.

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