Am I being fair !

[inmyforties]

Hi This is the first time on this forum, and I am hoping that you can help. Basically married for just over 20 years to DH got 2 kids 19 and 16. As far as I am concerned the married died years ago, not had sex for as long as I can remember. Now for the last 8 years I have known that I dont want to grow old with this man, but have stayed with him for the kids sake and the financial security, whether this is the right thing to do I am not sure. Most of the time we lead seperate lives, and therefore sort of get along in a very seperate way. We have not shared a bed for about 10 years, but this dosnt seem to bother him. Im sure that he dosnt get sex anywhere else as he is just not interested!!. However, just recently someone who I have know for years has made it quite clear that he would like a relationship with me, I am flattered but have made the situation quite clear that I dont want to have an affair, and am trying to stick the marriage out until the kids are off and away, I have told thim not to wait for me, but he insists that it is me he wants. I feel so guilty for texting this guy behind my OH back and also for feeling that I am making this other guy wait for me! (even though I have told him not too) HELP am I doing the right thing?

Honest answer?

I think you should end your marriage now, live by yourself for a while and then and only then, think about getting into a new relationship.

I think at a certain point you have to live your life for yourself. Your kids are presumably aware that your marriage isn't great already, so I definitely think about ending the marriage and moving on.

Whether with this guy or trying life or your own, I don't know. Being flattered doesn't seem like a strong enough basis to start up with him.

At your children's age, I think although it will be a shock, it won't harm them.

At some point you have to live your own life and pursue your own happiness.

Not great at making decisions, usually I make the wrong one! Lovely house,dogs,holidays.. If I make the wrong choice could ruin me and the kids lives!! scary

I was 18, my sister was 16 when our parents sat us down to tell us they were splitting up. I wasn't shocked at all - made total sense to me. My little sister was shocked and she took it worse -mainly because our mum moved out and I went to UNi within 6 weeks and her life changed loads.

I think if you handle it right with still being their for your kids, the age they are at is more than capable of coping xx

Got to go to work now, will check back later.. but thanks for those who have answered..

I'm not seeing how it could ruin your life or the children's lives at this stage. Do you have financial independence? Your children aren't going to be ruined if you leave their Dad, even if the new relationship doesn't work out.

for ten years they've been watching their parents live together but not as a couple, not share a bed, and lead separate lives. I'm sure that's not the relationship model you want them to grow up thinking is the best?

If they're loved, and secure, they'll be fine. 16 and 19, they've presumably got their own resources by now. if you split as soon as they leave home, they'll work that out and feel responsible anyway.

I think you and your husband need to split up, for both your sakes. It's not fair on him or on you, living in a loveless and sexless marriage for the financial security. Set each other free, and live alone, and remember who you were before you were a wife. If you get together with OM, so be it, but don't leave for that; leave for your own sake.