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drifting apart. no communication

11 replies

CarlyP · 17/10/2005 11:27

can anyone help, has anyone been in a similar situation.

we snap at each other. have no time for each other. function on a daily basis with each other and talk about the kids but thats it.

not sure if i am 'in love' with him. little effort made on eaither side.

both work long hours with 2 small children.

need help asap otherwise we are not going to make it.


OP posts:
FangAche · 17/10/2005 11:30

Oh CarlyP - You could have been describing DH and I!! It's our 2nd anniversary today and he's bloody lucky to still be living here.

What kind of help do you think would be needed? Counselling?

CarlyP · 17/10/2005 11:34

not sure really. theres no 'big' issue on either side. he says i snap, which i i know i do, but he is so dithery at times and when he eventually does do something its not 'right' if u see what i mean. he maeks no effort to show me any affection or make me feel good etc but then again i dont really. sent him a gift at work last week, didint even get a kiss as a thank you. not sure what i want to do really.

OP posts:
FangAche · 17/10/2005 11:39

Really is quite scariliy similar to DH and I! He isn't a Scouser by any chance is he?

How long have you been together and how long has it been this 'indifferent'?

CarlyP · 17/10/2005 11:41

been together since feb 2000. married 2003 (after 2 yrs of me having endometriosis and hrt etc) fell preg straight away and then again 2 months after ds1 was born. been indifferent for about 3/4months really. not a scouser!!!! i work a full week over 4 days and he does long days and works late alot (nothing funny, he has to go to seminars etc!)

OP posts:
FangAche · 17/10/2005 11:45

Yeah CarlyP, My DH works in the evenings alot too. I work fulltime. He got home at 1045pm last night and it will be the same tonight.... our anniversary.

I suppose its just all about how much of an effort you want to make? I really don't know how you can solve this.

auntymandy · 17/10/2005 11:49

You need to talk about it. Write to him if you cant talk. He may not realise that things are bad. Life gets in the way of relationships and if you want it to work, you have to work at it!

CarlyP · 17/10/2005 11:51

we have both said we need to sort it out. we jsut dont know how etc. when we talk we seem to go round in cirlces.

OP posts:
auntymandy · 17/10/2005 11:55

well if you both want it to work thats a start.
Can you get away for a weekend so you have only yourselves to think of?

Easy · 17/10/2005 12:02

It strikes me that you have no time for each other, in fact Carly from what you have said about work, I don't understand how you even have time for the children.

My guess is that by the time you are both home you are both already tired, and just don't have the patience to start sorting it out. You have forgotten how to spend time together, and probably why you got together at all.

Can you get some time together without the kids? A weekend, or both take a couple of days off work, put the kids in their usual childcare, and talk about what's happening. Get out some old photos and remember how you laughed together. if you are up for it try some 'afternoon delights', when you are not worried about the children hearing you.

You both have to put some effort into each other, and it sounds like ATM all the effort is going into work and children.

CarlyP · 17/10/2005 12:25

time is precious and we have every weekend as a family and i have one day on my own with the kids.

we do need to remember y we fell in love in the first place. totally agree.

jsut not sure where the time is comngi from to do that.

just been on holiday for a week and lvoed spending time with the kids, but we didnt even kiss.

not sure how to get that back.

suggested going to salsa as ive always wanted to try but my backs playing up
(typical) and dont think its such a great idea this week.

OP posts:
auntymandy · 17/10/2005 13:53

put the kids second for once. Have a weekend away just the 2 of you. or you will get to a point of no return

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