Am I losing my mind?

[itsallmadness]

At he moment I feel like the world is against me. When I reach out for help, I don't think I am getting it.

A brief history: DH had an affair but I have decided to stay together, mostly for the children (which I know many people with disagree with but I do believe children need two parents).

I saw a counsellor at Relate who gave me sound advice. She said it takes a strong woman to stay with her husband after an affair and she understood my reasons for staying. She did not think I needed any more counselling as she felt that I had made up my mind to stay in the marriage and had to accept that I could not change my DH (not being honest about his relationship with ow).

Today my mum (who does not know about the affair) called me and during the conversation she ended up critiscing me and I flipped. I told her that she never supports me and always judges me. Had a blazing row but I have calmed down now. Although I don't agree with her I do feel that my nature is one in which I always end up backing down for an easy life. I feel that whenever speak up for myself it just ends in trouble. I want to tell her about what I am really going through but I am not sure that this will help anyway and she may treat dh differently.

I am concerned that I am becoming angry due to my situation.

If I feel let down by a friend I find myself getting really upset. I generally do not like to let friends down and will rearrange things at home so that I can meet up with them but feel that it happens to me quite often and I begin to doubt myself. Last year when there was another meeting between DH and OW I mentioned my suspicions to my friend and when I wanted to meet her to talk she said she couldn't make it that day, only to find that she went to the gym. I don't think i would treat a friend this way.

A few days ago I told another friend that I had decided to move on and not talk about my problems any more and she replied with a comment similar to ' Yeah, i've been putting up with your issues for ages'.

How do I get over my DH having an affair with my BF, and long standing friends supporting the ex BF as they shared ' a special bond with her'.

Feeling lonely and unhappy. Just want someone to understand me. DH and kids away over half term and I know that my 'close' friends will be too busy to even call. Is there something wrong with me?

sorry for the long rant.

Your SIL just proves one of life's truths, my love. When people don't want to like & respect you, you make things worse by trying to win them over by giving more :(

OK, I might be jumping to conclusions here but it's a lesson I could have done with learning - ooh, 40 years ago! Sounds like you're hurt that SIL doesn't appreciate your looking after her Dad. Well, there are several reasons to feel hurt by her but she doesn't care that much about your feelings, does she? So turn your back.

Quite honestly, I feel your life would improve 300% if you turned your back on the whole backbiting, plotting, self-serving lot of 'em. These people are not your friends

Totally agree with omaoma about your amazing strength & dignity! The sooner you turn all your competence and loveliness to your OWN good, and DC's, the better.

Thank you AgeingGrace and omaoma.

I have no intention to discuss or justify myself to SILs but one thing I know is that if needed I know that I am not in the wrong with respect to my career or spending DH's money. Being 'nice' certainly doesn't do any favours.

Nothing to add, just tired of the whole situation. Why does life have to be this complicated?

can you take some kind of break from this? a couple of days to try and work out what you want next? if you could sort out a counsellor as well it would give you the space you need to rediscover yourself rather than trying to respond to everybody else's needs.

you sound like you're really getting the fuzzy end of the stick at the moment: what difference would it make if you stopped caring what the people around you thought of you?

omaoma - im actually home alone (FIL here though) as kids and DH away for half term. So Im trying to chill out and do 'me' things but the week has flown by.

Off to bed, but thank you so much for the support.
x

me too - sleep well. hope things turn a bit sunnier for you soon x x x