I have a close family member who I think/feel is taking advantage of our hospitality.
Me and DP are not sociable at all (I'm using I/we because neither of us have a clue), very self sufficient and like it that way, it works for our family.
Family member still getting over divorce a few years go, but coping a bit better than previously, perhaps in transition to the next phase in their life.
But since Christmas they've stayed over 30 odd times without being invited, sometimes Friday to Monday, sometimes days in the week.
They ask, but in a way not easy to refuse without taking offence eg 'If it's alright with you I'll stop until Monday because of blah reason.'
It's absolutely not possible to tell them straight without it significantly and negatively impacting on our relationship with them, which I don't want. It's easy enough to advise that on here and I would normally do it if the situation arose, but it's totally different when you have the possibility of hurting somebody more than they can take.
I don't think it's possible for them to not know they're being rude, and if they do but are still staying I'm struggling to work out how to feel about it.
It could be that they're lonely and we are giving something they need at the min, which we're glad about if that's the case.
But it feels more that we're being manipulated in a way, ie doing something we really don't want to do which is making us feel uncomfortable and trapped in our own home, but unable to speak out.
As the time's gone on I'm finding it increasingly difficult to keep how I feel bottled up and to keep showing the relaxed face I've got stapled on and stop what I really feel leaking out.
Just how much is the 'norm' to give of yourself and your life before you say something and risk the relationship?
We care about the effects saying something to indicate we just want to be on our own would have on this person, but when I look into the future having not said something I feel so frustrated at the thought of them stopping over all the time thinking we don't mind.
I really need some outside perspective on this please.