First the background. We've been married for nearly 16 years and have two children aged 6 and 3. My sex drive went right down after the birth of our first child and has never really recovered. DH is quite an introvert and tends to shut himself away for long periods of time, go on long walks or drives etc, and that is something that I've learnt to cope with, only saying something about it if he starts to go to extremes. The downside of this is that over the past year or so it began to feel that the only time he showed any interest in being with me was when he wanted sex. Which I was less and less interested in because it seemed that that was all there was as far as he was concerned.
It all came to a head just before Valentine's Day, when he said that if things didn't change he would be going elsewhere to satisfy his needs, and I said it couldn't all just be about sex - that we actually had to spend time with each other (and then not just sitting in opposite corners of the room watching telly either).
He let it be known that he was interested in exploring sub-dom sex (with me as dominant) - that it's something that he's been interested in since he was a teenager, and that he's been discussing the whole subject of sub-dom on a professional forum with a (married) woman who he's discovered is into the same thing. He said she's been giving him advice and has become someone he can talk to. I keep walking in on him texting away on his mobile, which he then does his best to conceal. I don't know whether it's her that he's texting or someone else. But I've realised that suddenly his mobile isn't being left lying around any more... and it's really niggling away at me.
I'm not really into all this. I've done a certain amount of it in the past with him and physically it certainly had the desired results when he's been dominant. But I've never been comfortable being the dominant one - I just don't feel that it's me. When I've done it it's been purely for him. I feel like I'm acting, and I'm no actor. I would quite happily ditch all the whistles and bells for gentle, intimate sex. I think he finds that boring.
I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do about his secretive texts and his forum friendship. I'm scared that our sexual tastes may have diverged so much that we don't have a future together and that I might be looking at the beginning of the end of our marriage. I have no-one who I can talk to about this (I have a good relationship with MIL, but it's not exactly something I can talk to her about!).