(over) stages of domestic violence

[thekidsrule]

hi,have namechanged for this

heres a little background,ive been in a relationship for 3yrs to a man that basically subjected me to domestic violence,emotional abuse,cheated on me i think you get the picture,anyway we have broken up a few times but this time is the longest 7wks,i finished it as i really couldnt go on and was very unhappy

anyway he has stalked ,pestered ,caused huge seans in public etc but ive stayed strong and finally felt so much better

i have 3 children of my own (none his)and my own home so atleast i was lucky not to be tied to him like some

anyway the last week he hasnt bothered me at all and ive really struggled with my feelings this week,i felt so down last night i texted him and basically he was very cold and didnt seem to want to know,im so cross with myself as i know i dont really want him so why do i feel like this

are there stages you go through (like a berevment)i feel so angry now for lots of reasons and i suppose i need to know this is natural,oh and hes a compilsive liar that plays mind games

That's a sign of healing ledkr. I went to a domestic abuse support group and we always ended up laughing until the tears streamed down our faces - relief but also the things the abusers did that were so stupid and farcical.

Black humour of course. We all shook so much when we arrived at the group (fear) that the coffee table was awash with spilt coffee, but we almost always ended up laughing. If you've not been in it you don't understand that black humour, it seems sacriligeous somehow. The woman who set up the group had been a victim of DV but the funding ran out and she was pushed out of her job and a woman from the council ran it - who had read all the books but had never been in DV herself. She used to get all hot and bothered when we started laughing - pursed lips, whites of eyes (which made us laugh even more!). She thought we were getting hysterical or 'not true to our feelings' . Silly woman.

What can I tell you that made us laugh? When I left him he sent me a letter, written in his mont blanc fountain pen, containing detailed instructions on How To Live My Life, one of which was to tell me to turn the mattress on my bed every 3 months.

You gotta laugh.

"containing detailed instructions" - bullet-points.

Women's Aid website - please do look here for help and ideas. There is a Survivor's Handbook to start with.

Keep well, keep posting - and please keep ignoring these abusive bastards, you deserve so much better!

smokin,thats a fab posting and can really relate to it,cant get away as im on my own
with 3 kids,not a supportive family and my dad was very violent to my mum (their still together) also think because as i saw it he was the one that was always there even when things were bad atleast i had somebody

also as i spent so much time with him (he worked on/off) and spent alot of time running errands for him etc etc i now find i have alot more time and as you said you then think about things over and over

anyway kids all out tomorrow so a friend is taking me for lunch,felt really positive about things then he txt this afternoon,said he wasnt bothering me just wanted to know how my youngest was (they were close)

just said "all good" and when he txt back i didnt bother to reply

looking back shouldnt of txt back,bet hey ho i feel pretty good

im so glad i posted here as i can really relate to others which really really helps many thanks all

felt so muh better yesterday and today even with the 3 kids on half term

It is like going cold turkey, I have had the same symptoms. the situation is almost exactly the same, mine triggered when he told me he had someone else.

Two weeks later and I am starting to feel human again, not cried since Saturday lunchtime! Can't stand to listen to soppy/sad/love songs on the radio esp in the car, not good to cry when driving!

The womans aid website does help a lot, there are sadly lots of other women experiencing the same withdrawl, there is a forum, it makes you feel like your not going mad, that this is all part of getting better, you have to work through it as painful as that maybe.

thekidsrule It was my DS2s Birthday last month,my XP texted me that day to say hope the party was going well,and how was DS2.. I too texted "It's all good", then didn't respond to the reply...

Then the next text came a few days later..

It can be a drip drip way back in,it's still contact,please be careful.

I've just checked out the WA website Girly,it helped a lot,there are lots' of us..

Yes jellykat there are a lot of women going through the same and worse!

I have changed my number because I could no longer stand the constant texts, waiting for them, dreading them etc. Its very hard to maintain no contact but that has always been my downfall, if you reply it just encourages them to keep on.

I am making a real effort to get on with my life and concentrate on what makes me happy which is being a good mother and taking comfort from my children, it does help.

Work, family and friends are what is important :)

Just read through another thread on this subject in 'relationships'..

It's like an epidemic

I don't understand how they all behave the same way, and do exactly the same things,do they have a secret manual or something???