online dating - when to be exclusive

[MrsClegg]

I expect quite a few of you have had experience of online dating. My question is, when do you take down your profile after having met someone you really like? After you've slept with them, after you've had a discussion about exclusivity? My feeling is that you shouldn't do it prematurely and have been seeing the person for some time and know them reasonably well and can make an informed decision about them. So be open to meeting other people.

I tend to have sex sooner rather than later because for me it works best that way. But can that lead to expectations of exclusivity? I've met and had sex with a really great guy but have no idea yet whether he's likely to stick around so it make sense for me to carry on seeing other people. Should I be upfront with him about it?

I think that as you met on a dating site it is a perfectly reasonable to ask them what they feel about it.

I would say its something you discuss with the person you are sleeping with.

If you are intimate enough to be swapping body fluids you should be able to ask if you are in an exclusive relationship. lol!!!

But Mrs Clegg, maybe you need to think about things - if you have had sex with a really great guy, why did you do this when you didn't know whether he was likely to stick around?

God knows it's great to have sex with someone, but if you are looking for a relationship, don't you think it's better to have sex either when you know they'll stick around or when you don't care whether they do?

I should have clarified that neither of us are looking for a serious relationship at this stage. And at the moment I'm not concerned about exclusivity. I'd be surprised if he didn't stick around but it wouldn't floor me.

He's said some things though that suggest that he'd be upset if I saw other people and I just want to be clear with him as I like and respect him.

If you leave your profile where it is for now, it doesn't mean you have to use it.

I met my DH of 5 years online. We both altered our profiles to indicate we were no longer interested in hearing from other people after the first date, and took them down completely after the second. In both cases, we freely discussed it so that we'd know where we stood. It also confirmed to me that he was taking this as seriously as I was. I know that you're not after anything serious, but the principle's the same i.e. check you both want the same thing. In my opinion, one of the great things about meeting online is that you can discuss these things explicitly to make sure you both are on the same wavelength.

when i met my now-DH online i think i had a monthly subscription. i didn't renew after that month.

i saw another guy one saturday, then DH the next weekend, had already arranged to see guy 1 the next day and followed through but knew that if DH got in touch i'd never see guy 1 again. saw DH a second time and slept with him (had not slept with guy 1) and i just knew at that point that Dh would be somebody special in my life.. i knew after two dates that we'd be together a while if not forever... i never logged onto the dating site again and just let the membership lapse.

from the second date onwards we saw each other most weekends so i'm pretty sure he stopped dating others then too.

That's such a nice story Fluffles and just goes to show that sleeping with someone right at the beginning doesn't mean it can't turn into something lasting and lovely.