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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What has it to do with you?

29 replies

molemesseskilledIpom · 19/02/2011 14:59

Ok for those that know my history I have a question.

Every weekend I set up the computer for the kids to talk to exP on skype.

After they have talked to him I have a little chat - for peace sake more than anything.

Now, every bloody week it's the same question.

"Have you got a boyfriend yet?"

I tell him no as it's nothing to do with him, wether I have or not. (I kind of have but it's nothing serious, more a bit of fun)

Can someone shed any light as to why he is asking this every week?

OP posts:
MigratingCoconuts · 19/02/2011 15:01

because he's your exP?!

I'm guessing...jealousy Smile

Original poster
molemesseskilledIpom · 19/02/2011 15:03

I know that's the obvious answer.

Just wondered if there was something more to it.

OP posts:
PeterAndreForPM · 19/02/2011 15:03

Because he is a dick ?

Because he is shagging around himself ?

Because he is under the impression that if you get a fella any financial support he gives for the dc will cease ?

Because he can't stand the thought of anyone else geting close to his possession ?

Who knows ?

Who cares, really ?

Scrumpet · 19/02/2011 15:05

Simple really, he wants to know if he's got competition even if you don't actually want him any more.

Or perhaps he's concerned about who the kids are spending time with

MigratingCoconuts · 19/02/2011 15:06

Have your tried as a response:

'none of your business, why do you want to know?'

squeakytoy · 19/02/2011 15:09

Try saying "yes thanks" and see what his reaction is to that. Grin

MigratingCoconuts · 19/02/2011 15:10

Grin at squeaky

PeterAndreForPM · 19/02/2011 15:10

Yes, just stop saying "no"

You are colluding with th idiot

Say "what business is it of yours ?"

Original poster
molemesseskilledIpom · 19/02/2011 15:10

The kids dont know and they wont.

I told him it was none of his business but he still asks. Maybe it's a control thing.

OP posts:
PeterAndreForPM · 19/02/2011 15:11

tell him to stop asking, or you will stop talking to him

you don't have to be subjected to it

Original poster
molemesseskilledIpom · 19/02/2011 15:12

I'm not colluding with the dick. At least I didnt think I was.

I've got enough dirt to throw back on him anyway if he wants to play funny sods.

OP posts:
MigratingCoconuts · 19/02/2011 15:13

I wouldn't let this become a big deal..

no need to throw dirt...just stop chatting with him if he continues.

Original poster
molemesseskilledIpom · 19/02/2011 15:14

hmmm..might be a good idea.

OP posts:
PeterAndreForPM · 19/02/2011 15:18

moley, by answering "no" you are colluding, IMO, or at least getting sucked into a game

stop the conversation when he asks again, and make it clear he is out of order

disconnect the call if necessary

Original poster
molemesseskilledIpom · 19/02/2011 15:20

I think you are right Peter.

Thanks everyone. I thought it was a bit odd.

OP posts:
Teenybitsad · 19/02/2011 15:21

Tell the truth and say "Nothing serious"

HHLimbo · 19/02/2011 15:26

Just keep saying its none of his business and ending the call. This is the right thing to do, no other reply needed.:)

catinthehat2 · 19/02/2011 15:29

"Nothing to say, think we'll end it there. Kids will be back next Saturday. Bye"

squeakytoy · 19/02/2011 15:32

nooo dont say "nothing serious".. he will take that as you reassuring him that you are still the most important man that has been in your life...

and that is probably the basis behind his question... some men like to think that the ex is incapable of moving on with their lives, and it gives them some smug sort of superior power, and has them thinking that the woman still harbours some hope of a reconciliation...

squeakytoy · 19/02/2011 15:32

oh bugger.. typo in the first line.. but you get the gist...

thumbwitch · 19/02/2011 15:34

By staying involved in your life, and knowing what you are doing, he can think he has some level of control over you.
Chatting to him allows him to believe that you still care; him asking what is going on in your life is power-play.

Agree with PeterAndre - stop chatting, take away his "feed".

atswimtwolengths · 19/02/2011 16:43

If he's paying some sort of child support, he may well think that if another man is in your life, he won't have to pay.

Original poster
molemesseskilledIpom · 19/02/2011 16:58

No child support as yet, but he does send me money if I ask for it.

However, when I am ready and have got a few more important things delt with, like the house, I will be asking for something more official via the banks.

I have already researched into CSA on both sides so he cant get out of it by being in another country.

OP posts:
LittleMissHissyFit · 19/02/2011 22:00

IPom, Mine left on Thursday, before he left he kept asking, so do I just get on with my life then? I think basically asking permission to shag someone else.

I called him out on the permission asking and said that was crap of him.

When the kids have finished talking to him, and you take over, keep your mouse over the disconnect button and the second that question spews forth from his gob, click it, end the call.

Every single time. It's very empowering!

ColdHeartedBitch · 19/02/2011 22:17

And it can be a control thing it was with my ex.