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Original poster

DH and I arguing about holiday. Feel like not going!

26 replies

blankstare · 19/02/2011 08:07

DH and I can agree on a holiday this year but I'm so infuriated with the whole way it is played out.

DH works in the travel industry. He has booked off the week before Easter and the week including royal wedding. He didn't consult me before he did this but is now saying that's when we have to go. It involves taking DS out of school for a few days which isn't so bad.

I don't want to go at Easter. I worry that it won't be warm enough, DSs will be bored as can't play in pool. I want a relaxing, lazing around holiday, not constantly thinking up activities for them. DH has convinced himself weather will be fine.

Last week he said he could possibly take 2 weeks in August but now has changed his mind. But got really stroppy when I found a place to stay in August, as if we never had that conversation.

He is being quite aggressive about the whole thing. I told him last night that I see what he is doing. He is accusing me of being unreasonable and uncompromising so that I compromise so much that we do exactly what he wants.

Everything I have suggested he has said is unworkable. May half term- out. August- out.

And he just keeps coming up with obstacles. Last night I got so fed up I said let's just book it, and then he just said we'd missed the boat and it would all be too expensive.

We had agreed I would pay for it too.

I think the work argument is a pile of wank. He can't seriously tell me that NOONE takes holiday between May and October.

He is being a spoilt brat and I don't know how to handle it.

I know what will happen. We'll go in April. He'll spend the entire time moaning that the dC are whining, then spend the whole august at home complaining he hasnt had 'a summer'

OP posts:
Original poster
blankstare · 19/02/2011 08:08

Sorry. That should be Can't agree !

OP posts:
MigratingCoconuts · 19/02/2011 08:26

I think a calm conversation between you find out exactly what the issues are, would be in order...

Your DH may be a controlling unreasonable pile of scum. Or he may have some valid reason (to do with work, for instance) that he has not expressed to you because he is reacting against what he sees to be your overly defensive reactional stance.

I don't honestly know which it is. A calm, none confrontational rational conversation should help sort out what is going on.

Rindercella · 19/02/2011 08:35

Whereabouts are you planning to go? Why don't you choose somewhere that is going to be hot in April? Confused

I think from a work point of view, taking those weeks off around Easter/the royal wedding makes sense as you don't need to use nearly so much annual holiday.

maltesers · 19/02/2011 08:38

He sounds to me to be quite selfish. He is being aggressive , as you described in order to get what he wants. Dont let him bully you. you have a right to stand up and say what you want too. It also sounds from what you are saying, that with your DH there is no pleasing him. He needs to stop being so self centred and think what you would like.

My Ex was like this and went ahead and booked holidays without consulting me first. . .infuriating. He also went and booked a ski trip away last Xmas with my Ds without consulting me, nor did he care what his gf wanted. She told me she was not looking forward to it as she normally always spent Xmas with her parents. A leopard never changes its spots !!
Your DH will have to start co operating with what you want too, otherwise you are both in for a bumpy ride. Stand up to him, and show him there HAS to be a compromise. Dont be intimidated by his aggressive manner. Stay Strong !

Original poster
blankstare · 19/02/2011 08:49

He's not controlling scum but he can be quite spoilt and think about himself. He doesn't really take into account what the DC want all the time. But then there is an argument that we shouldn't.

Places that are hot in April also seem to be having revolutions. We wanted to go to Italy. Lakes would be too cold in April but lovely in August. Sicily might be nice but probably a bit too mild. Lots of places in Greece/Cyprus font seem to be open until May.

OP posts:
MigratingCoconuts · 19/02/2011 08:55

Yes, I was presenting extremes....however, you do need to talk about your frutstrations with him.

Holidays should take everyone into account and, as your DC get older, their education will put more and more constraints on times for holidays. (this weeks you have this year for instance, are two weeks before the GCSE exams start)

Bunbaker · 19/02/2011 09:04

It should be hot in the Canaries in April.

Original poster
blankstare · 19/02/2011 09:13

He doesn't want to go there Confused

I think he seems to be asking me to make Europe hotter.

OP posts:
Bunbaker · 19/02/2011 09:16

How about Madeira? We went there in April and managed to swim and laze around the pool. Or the Cape Verde islands?

Original poster
blankstare · 19/02/2011 09:27

Ooh, ive always fancied Madiera.

Will investigate.

Thanks! You may have saved our marriage!

OP posts:
Bunbaker · 19/02/2011 09:35

We loved Madeira and found the people there very friendly and hospitable. The flight is shorter than to the Canaries as well. We were fortunate enough to be there for the flower festival which takes place at the end of April - a sight not to be missed.

There is an island just off Madeira called Porto Santo which had loads of sandy beaches. I have never been there, but if you are going for a fortnight you could do a two centre holiday.

Given that your OH is in the travel industry I'm surprised he hasn't thought of it before.

Rindercella · 19/02/2011 10:24

Caribbean? Lovely time to go. Out of season but before the rainy season. The sun will be blazing.

ENormaSnob · 19/02/2011 10:37

I think your dh is being a cock tbh.

I wouldn't go away in April.

Are there other issues because his behaviour is very unreasonable.

Original poster
blankstare · 19/02/2011 12:09

Finders, DH doesnt want a long flight Hmm.

You can see why I'm getting so frustrated!

OP posts:
PeterAndreForPM · 19/02/2011 12:16

what is the background to you paying for the holiday ?

ENormaSnob · 19/02/2011 12:23

So, you are paying for the holiday but will go where and when you are told?

It sounds like he is being deliberately obstructive for some reason.

BoffinMum · 19/02/2011 12:26

Sicily is fine in April.

ZZZenAgain · 19/02/2011 12:29

Sicily should be quite nice. I was in the south of Italy in April and it was warm (tshirt, sandals)if during the day but cool of course once the sun went down. However you will not be swimming in the sea. Plenty to travel about and see in Sicily (or indeed Greece for that matter) which is not such fun to do in August heat IYSWIM, good food, maybe if you could get a heated pool? Wondering if Malta would be nice at that time of the year.

Any of these places : Greece, Rhodes, Malta, Sicily would be pleasant but probably too cold to swim in the sea.

Original poster
blankstare · 19/02/2011 12:29

DH covers all mortgage, bills etc.

I work freelance part time so my money covers extras.

I have no issue with this aspect.

OP posts:
ZZZenAgain · 19/02/2011 12:30

How about you two take it in turns to book the "summer" holiday so one year he books April, next you book August. Maybe that would pan out for him at work if it isn't every August he is away?

BoffinMum · 19/02/2011 12:30

Mazzaro Sea Palace, Taormina would be a great solution.

MigratingCoconuts · 19/02/2011 12:31

I really don't get why you just can't talk to him about this reasonably??!!

You pay, he decides where and when??

Why?

PeterAndreForPM · 19/02/2011 12:34

I don't really get why you even mentioned the fact thay you pay for the holidays, if it doesn't bother you

I think the fact that you pay, and he tantrums to get what he wants is certainly bothering you

He sounds childish and manipulative

rookiemater · 19/02/2011 12:39

Well let him find somewhere that fits all the requirements at that time of year.

I have been to Sicily before at Easter and whilst it was nice it was not warm enough to sit by the pool or beach. I would imagine anywhere in mainland Eurpose is not guaranteed good weather at that time of year. The Canaries are your closest bet for warm weather.

Honestly he sounds like a spoilt brat, taking only his own needs into consideration.

Original poster
blankstare · 19/02/2011 14:22

PA I only mentioned it because it's not as if DH has returned from work and said, pack your bags, I'm treating us all to a last minute Easter break.

We both work, admittedly he works longer hours than me, but it feels like he is the only one who is allowed a say, or take his work into account.

OP posts: