Do you think if someone was seeing a counsellor that they would be advised to do this?

[MummieHunnie]

My Mother claimed she was going to see someone from relate starting at the end of January, she had booked this at the end of last year. It was to have family therapy with me due to issues we were having, something happened over xmas and I decided that I could not continue the realtionship. I assume that she went to Relate on her own for therapy, obviously I don't know that she did. She has continually despite me stating that I don't want contact, turned up at my home without agreeing it with me, at a time that suits her, this has included special dates with gifts, she knocks on the door for 15 minutes, looks through the letter box/windows etc and calls through the door and the like.

Do you think that a counsellor would advise her to keep coming to my house when she is not wanted?

I cut contact with her a year and a half ago, got back in touch for a few months with new boundaries and she did loads of things that were not healthy, and she does not seem to get the message that I really don't want a relationship anymore.

I wonder if the fact I tried a relationship again gave mixed messages.

It is not easy to do this anyways, and her coming around makes me emotional.

It's triggering you.

Worse, you're getting multi-triggers. The only reason X could pull your strings was because your parents & stepdad had already trained you ... Now you've been through all that, when you should be getting a bit of respite to regather & rework your views, yhour mum's back in there!

She knows what she's doing. Although I am 100% sure she doesn't sit there plotting it all out (she's acting like a caged animal, no more), she is totally trying to use your in-between psychological state to reel you in.

Now THINK, Missus! What detachment techniques have you got? Use them. This isn't a bit of a barney, it's the matter of your early emotional freedom. Put in the effort.
Detach.

Detach.

Detach.

Detach.

Then consider what you might do to consolidate your detachment.

And do it.

Cut those ties.

Snip! ...

Snip! ...

... Snip!

OK? How are you feeling?

I have had to read this 3 times Grace!

Ok, Detach, not sure how i do that, it takes time and it takes not seeing the person, which is the bit she is not allowing me. I also use distraction to detach, is that what you mean?

I am going to google early emotional freedom, as am clueless as to the meaning!

The ties, I think are my arousal to drama, I recognised I had an addiction to it when I went for therapy after all the drama with the ex after speration.

Cut it properly I don't know how to, as the little girl in me wants her Mummy to want her for who she is, the adult in me knows that I can't have what I want a Mother that others have that is there for them and their needs, and her Mummy wants her to fill Mummy's hole inside of herself and wants the little girl back to fill the hole. I suppose that is what you are saying about the caged animal in her?!

Yes, you want your Mummy :(

Yes, that's what I meant about the caged animal!
But you can't fix your mummy. She never should have expected you to, but that's a matter for another time. It's far more important for you, now, with this, to get that YOU are a mummy and - best of all - an Adult :)

Be very careful of getting locked into Child - Parent modes now. There is an Adult in you, yes? The Adult with your name, and your knowledge. Trust and nurture this. I hope you'll understand - have to go to bed now!

Love from my Adult to yours x

MH, your cow of a mother has NO legal right to contact with your DC. First you report her to the policefor harassment, log everything, and then if she tries to take you to court for access you can say that you have stopped contact with her because she is abusive.
More importantly, she has NO LEGAL RIGHT TO CONACT WITH YOU.
No adult can be forced into having any kind of relationship with another adult. You are completely entitled to cut another adult out of your life for any reason you like, and the law will back you up on this.

I have been having a good think about this, and I really appreciate everyone's input, talking this through with you all has really put things in perspective for me and allowed me to think the ongoing theme here and to find a way out of it that is better for me and my children.