DH texting woman but won't admit anything

[totallypissedoff]

aghhh I know this is same old same old but I really need some advice fast.

I used Dh's phone to send a text this morning whilst he was asleep, my phone being fixed. When I clicked send a list of recent contacts popped up. The most recent was a woman's name. Funnily enough the other morning I passed DH his phone as saw a text had arrived from same name..it was a forwarded joke about valentines day. When I asked who she was Dh said a friend of his sister who had his number from ages back and shrugged it off..

So I checked the message inbox and outbox, joke text deleted and text sent recently deleted. The next person in recently texted list was replied to at 8.45pm yesterday, so this communication with this woman obviously was after this. DH was out yesterday evening.

I immediately confronted DH, I know I should probably evidence gather but I'm a hot tempered furious type when riled.. He denied all knowledge of anything. I explained slowly and clearly the evidence and suggested he should be honest and open if he wanted me to trust him ever again.

He was clearly struggling to think up an excuse so lamely insisted he had no recollection but must have text by accident. Then he tried to insist one of DC was probably playing with his phone. So I told him 'calmly' he was lying as this contact occured after 8.45pm, he was out of house, dc asleep and he deleted the text. But he just said I'm being ridiculous and won't talk about it again.

I have cross checked an 'old school friend' I was suspicious of on his facebook and surprise surprise the names are very similar. (Suzie/Susan kind of similar)He is clearly lying. I'm actually devestated on this point as obviously this is not the DH I thought I knew.

If you've read this far thankyou for staying with me, I really want to know how to convince him to talk. This woman is not in UK so I assume there is some sort of flirtation at an early stage here.

Any advice for tackling the wall of denial appreciated

hope you are ok, TPO x

ha and isn't it funny that asshole husbands hate mumsnet! snide comment to dc that mommy isn't paying them any attention as I'm more interested in mn. He only wanted to get hold of computer so he could check football times

op when was pregnant i was very suspicious of dh as i felt fat and frumpy and on one occasion got jealous of a colleague at a party who seemed a tad too friendly for my liking.Had i not been pg i would probably have punched her on the nose taken her to task but instead got all silly and upset.
I told dh the next day and he was mortified that i had not told him straight away and that i had been caused any upset.He aggreed she had seemed ott and he had hoped i hadnt noticed.He thought she was just pissed and said she hardly spoke to him at work.He was fuming i had been upset and told her so the next day at work.
What i am saying is that any decent/innocen bloke would want to allay your fears and restore harmony not just dismiss them like he has done.

Oh well it is incredibly difficult for him to ignore her as he works with her. He swears that as he did nothing wrong he shouldn't have to ignore a work colleague. Of course I know this is a shit situation. But to me, at the moment, it is the lesser of two evils. I cannot leave, I have no family and no money, nowhere to go. I do believe that whatever happened is over.

I really feel for the op. I hope she has the courage to do what I couldn't.

justcarrots, you are not dead yet.... you still can have the courage to stand up for yourself.

This is not the situation you dreamed of when a little girl was it? Staying put cos there is not an easy, convenient way out?

if it were over, she'd stop with the invitations, if he wanted to show you she is nothing he'd look to change jobs.

Thanks LMHfit - I shouldn't hijack the op's post further though! I know you are right.

What I say to you is absolutely applicable to her. Perhaps if she sees it written to someone else, she may find it easier to resonate with than when directly written to her.