Hi- have not posted here before, but have been an avid reader/ lurker for some time.
I hope someone can give me some advice with this, as it is really causing some upset for DP and myself.
DP and myself have about a couple of months ago started to try and introduce our respective DC (myself 3, him 4) to each other. I cave come out of a nasty relationship with a man who was bipolar, NPD and violent(verbally, emotionally, sexually and physically), DP ex has PD, so both been battered a bit.
My DS (4) loves DP, no other word for it. Older DDs (both teens) are distant(not surprising after last experience!), but accepting, and getting more trusting. His younger DC (2 teens, 1 age7) are similar. Problem is his oldest DD, age almost 18. She HATES me, not personally, but as the woman who "steals" her father. She wants to be the centre of attention, the apple of his eye. She wants DP and exW to get back together (the split up 11 years ago!!). She screams, and sulks, and is abusive. She pushes in when DP and I walk next to each other. She holds his hand constantly. In short, she behaves as if she was 6 years old.
She demands to only see him on his own ever (NB they do, most of the time, I see them rarely). If she comes along, as long as I'm there she tries to get a rise ot of me- if I don't respond(which I don't, usually) she gets worse and worse, to the point of embarrassing DP and having him in tears, and her siblings refusing to go if she goes- so she now comes along a lot, and they not at all.
Apparently, she is the same with her mothers new partner.
Yes, I know she is jealous, but this goes way beyond that, this is active warfare, and trying to split us up.
DP initially said I was overreacting, but now agrees that she is doing this, and very distressed about it. She isn't going to split us up btw, we both agree- unless DP wants to stay single for the rest of his life, that would be pointless, as she would be the same with the next girlfriend. It is worrying me more due to the fact it distresses DP so much and makes his life so difficult, he is pulled pillar to post and unable to resolve this.
She is 18, am I being unreasonable to expect she should at least be able to be civil and appropriate, and contain her temper tantrums, and show some consideration for her father (and mother!!) and after 11 years accept that her long-divorced parents are not going to ever become a couple again?
How can we manage this bahviour and/or help her?