I feel like my head is going to explode, told dh i don't love him, pressure to stay with him

[cornishgirl1]

i've posted before once on same problem.

my dh has caused me so much heartache and emotional abuse over last 5 years. got 3 young dc's. quick update. no previous help with dc's, name calling by him to me, useless, idiot etc. very controlling, possible text affair.

now when i want to go, he is trying to 'be a better, different person', now HE 'wants to go to counselling to sort us out' now he understand he has made mistakes and wants to change and be a beter husband and father'

but now, I feel angry, I want to leave him but feel quilty when he wants to me to stay for the marriage and the children. We sleep in seperate beds( my choice) i don't want to kiss/ cuddle him ( he does) I keep pushing him away.

I feel so angry for all the things he has done and said in the pass and I cannot forget or forgive, to me its 5 wasted miserable years.

Today i told him i don't love him, ( i think thats true) I know I care for him as we are married and have a history. but i am not attracted to him anymore, psycially or emotionally.

I don't know what to do, torn between going, to get away from the stress. or staying because he is trying to change ( can a person change???) everything he does seems to annoy me know, even his voice.

I don't see how relate can help make me love him again like I did?

anybody got any ideas, should I give it him a try because he says he is trying to be a different person.

But then again I am a different person now after all all this. not my self, stressed, anxious, tense, not the carefree happy person i used to be.

help please.
(ps sorry its long)

worthless yes sex does keep relationships together but relationships keep the sex together as well. you OH is being unreasonable if he won't even give what you suggest a go.

you've given him an extraordinarily reasonable option to try for some emotional and non sexual physical intimacy because you think this will make you feel more desired / desirable / cherished /ready for sex.

he has turned this option down and instead expects you to be some sort of robotic sex machine for his carnal desires.

the fact this is pushing you away further is no surprise.

please don't just make yourself do it and see what happens.

i've pushed myself to have sex when i'm not really in the mood physically but only because my husband is being emotionally close with me and i feel i owe that to our relationship. there is no way i'd agree to it in the situation you describe.

you don't deserve to be treated like this but don't expect your husband to suddenly realise that. i don't think he is going to.

Worthless, not wanting se with this man is a perfectly reasonable reaction to his behavior. WHy should anyone want to have sex with someone who is rude and unkind and tiresomely persistent in pushing for it?
I bet he's rubbish at doing it, too - I can't imagine a man as selfish as this expending any effort in making it enjoyable for you.
I do sometimes think that when a relationship goes wrong WRT the woman not wanting much sex the aspect that is not always looked at is the man being a crap shag.

Sex is bonding and couples should make an effort not to get in a rut, but it has to be combined with affection and respect. Without mutual affection, sex will not hold your marriage together - it just makes you his living blow-up doll.

He's totally unreasonable to want you to have sex with him yet be unwilling to show you any affection or basic respect.

worthless- oh my god, telling you to 'fuck off and you are a crap wife' is disgusting. Clearly he only wants to satisfy himself and is not thinking about you at all and what you have said to him.

Im sure if you call womens aid this is abuse and you can have him removed. I know full well this is hard and you have known him since you were young but you are worth more than this. You should not be treated like a piece of meat to satisfy him. You have so reasonably suggested possible ways of getting closer emotionally but he has rejected these. It sounds as though he has 'checked out' emotionally out of the relationship but only wants you for sex and the family status.

You must be feeling like crap- im so sorry.
ps, please keep posting here x

chaquita- sorry to hear of your postion, its is bloody hard to leave, i been tying for so long too. its easy enough seeing all their flaws and shitty mistakes and taking the abuse but so hard to make the cut from them.

I don't actually know what it takes to leave them, but none of us here should stick around to find out and wait for the 'worst to happen'. For me i feel that I am waiting for more horrible things for him to do or say as it will give me more amunition for me to leave him. This probably sounds stupid and foolish. but leaving your husband and taking 3 young kids is massive.

wish i wasn't so damn considerate