Bit of a strange one

[Milngavie]

DH and I were just discussing my friends upcoming wedding. She and her DF have been together 3 years. Friend had emailed to say she and her fiancé had argued about the cake.

DH reckons she's getting married to soon! Friend and I are 35 by the way. I asked what he meant, he said they hadn't been together long enough and were rushing. Plus her fiancé is her first serious relationship.

I reminded him I got pregnant and we had a baby by the time we were together 12 months, that I was 19 and he was my first serious relationship. He said that was different?!

Apparently it is different because we waited 8 years to be married so we were sure. And here's me thinking we waited due to circumstances not just so he could be sure! He tried to back track by saying he had no doubts really but was clearly trying to get out of the hole he'd started to dig.

Am I being unreasonable to feel upset?

Dunno.

But IME, men see getting married as a bigger deal than fathering a child.

YABU
Don't make an issue out of something in the past. It's the present that matters.

Is your relationship good now?

Oh sorry not AIBU!

Sounds to me like he just opened his mouth without really thinking it through.

I'd be upset by what he said too but it sounds to me like he realised his first comment about your friend was stupid but he didn't want to admit he was wrong so kept digging and ended up saying something even stupider! I doubt he meant any of it- and surely if he'd really had any serious doubts about you the relationship wouldn't have lasted this long.
He needs to learn to admit when he's talking crap!

I still think that examining what about your current relationship might cause insecurity is more important than worrying about the past

We're okay most of the time.

It's hard to describe how I feel. I guess it's the whole pot calling the kettle black thing.

Railway it just hurt to hear him say my 35 year old in a LTR was rushing when I found myself holding a baby inside the first 12 months of our relationship and then for him to say it was 8 years before we married because he wanted to be sure? How sure did he have to be ffs? We had two dc by then!

Presumably he knows the couple? Perhaps he feels it's not going to work out for them. YAB a tad U to instantly project his comment on to your own relationship

Perhaps he just doesn't see his relationship with you in the same way, in that he knew how he felt about you and it felt right whereas he is judging your friends relationship with a more detached point of view. He can stand back and analyse their relationship differently. Maybe he sees walking away from a baby easier than walking away from a marriage because of the legal & financial implications.
I'm not saying that makes sense btw, but that's how my ex saw it.

I honestly don't think he was really thinking about what he was saying and then once it was out of his mouth he was like, "Oh shit" and started digging a hole.

I do this sometimes too: pronounce judgement on other people from the safety of my car or house's 4 walls and then realise that I'm being a total hypocrite and have done exactly the same or similar myself.