What do men do when they want some...

[itsallaboutiandme]

This may sounds weird but I really could do with some advice.

I have been married for over ten years. During that time dh has hardly ever initiated sex. He is never vocal about it i.e. when he would like some and will not easily talk about it either.

He told me before we got married that he wanted me to make the first move. I had no issues with this and did make the first move only to then constantly be rejected by him. Yes he had (maybe still has) issues.

Anyway it got to a point where because of the constant rejection and his lack of interest in me that I stopped trying with sex and stopped all initiation.

Something happened to him about 9 months ago and he has become a changed man. He is much more caring, attentive etc but the issue around sex remains.

My question is how can you tell when a man wants sex and I am talking about the less obvious hints now. He never talks about 'wanting some' and never really gropes me but I wondered what else he could be doing which is just passing my radar by!

May not be the most helpful, but surely it all depends on the man. They're not all the same.

It could be that he has childhood issues around sex, or that he has a low sex drive or lacks sexual confidence, he could have body confidence issues, any of the things that put women off sex can put men off sex. Have you talked to him about it? Can he see his GP so that physical causes of low sex drive can be ruled out? Can you live a life without sexual intimacy?

To be honest I have stopped trying to get him to 'talk' about his issues over the years as I get nowhere. I only end up feeling terribly frustrated. I have left him to sort his own issues out. I was just wondering whether indirectly he is trying to tell me that he is interested but I am the type of person who would need a gong sounding in my face before I got the message!

Have you looked for his porn stash yet?
Might be revealing as maybe he has particular fetishes.

Sorry I realise it's only thursday

how old is he? Is he in g=reasonable/fit physical shape?

I reckon he's got ishoos, but obviously I can't tell what they are. I'm guessing he very much wants to keep his relationship with you and has sought advice, hence the change in consideration and attentiveness. Bless! (Maybe!)

Really, if you've become terrified of the whole business, this is only going to get worse and more distant. Did you like the more attentive DH? Have you told him, queried how that happened, etc? If you can't even do that you really need to go to Relate together.

I confess to major mystification as to why you married a man with whom you had no sexual compatibility. But who am I to talk, I married sexually-compatible arseholes

You two look like prime Relate candidates - unless you know otherwise?

...yes best not to ignore this any longer as will probably lead to bitterness and resentment. Best regards