Did your relationship change when you became a SAHM?

[NotANaturalGeordie]

I have been with DH for 12 yrs, married for 8 and in general am v happy with him - 1 DSS (14 lives with his mum), 2 DDs, one 6yrs and one 9mths. As I was working PT we have decided that I will not return to work due to childcare costs and for the first time since I was 13 I will not have my own income. Up till now, all money has gone into a joint account, and while I make sure all bills are paid/that we can afford major purchases etc, neither of us has been 'in charge'.

I have now told my boss I'm not going back. And suddenly I'm scared - of dependency, of loneliness, of isolation. That I will become more boring. Did any of you find your relationship changed when you made the transition to SAHM?

Was it better/worse/just different? and how?

God, I am gobsmacked at some of this, especially Jux's post, so sorry you went through that.

I guess every story is different. DH and I met in our mid 30s and were very much career and financial equals. He has not changed, really, since I became a SAHM, he treats me with loads of respect, does his full share of the childcare and household stuff when he's at home. We are interested in each others' lives just like we always were. Obviously there have been many changes in our lifestyle etc, but the mutual respect is still there.

I, on the other hand, have only recently come to terms with my life changing, after 3 years as a SAHM. I came from a tough/poor background, so complete financial independence has always been important, and a lot of my self respect, I have found, was tied up in my career and financial independence. It's been really hard to adjust to being dependent on DH, even though I pumped a hell of a lot of money into the pot when we got together and still have assets in my name only from before we met. The career stuff still kills me, I really wish I'd gone part time when I had the chance. I love the kids, but I am desperately bored with it.

Add PND to the mix, and basically, I've not been a happy bunny since becoming a SAHM. DH has been brilliant and patient and I'm finally adjusting to it and looking forward to the future rather than just dreading each day. I'm hoping to go back to part time work/study in a year's time. In the meantime, I would agree with RudeEnglishLady, if you treat it as a "career", and respect it as a job, and respect yourself for doing it, it makes it all much easier.