How do you come to terms with the fact that what was once so wonderful and loving, is now so toxic and hateful?

[SunshineisSorry]

I know its over, really, deep down, and has been for a long time. I still love him, or i love what we had. 20 years is a long long time, and most of them so very special. We have the most adorable 5yo DD who idolises her daddy. This is will break her heart, but how can i carry on with this when its only going to get worse.

How do you get past that, if your relationship has gone sour, its not that i have come to realise that DP is a bastard, he isn't, he really isn't. But life and business and money worries have finished us - how do you get over it? Im not even sure i know where to start, how to breathe, part of me has died.

No good discussing ins and outs really, blame, its on both sides.

What now? practicalities seem irrelevant almost. People survive divorce - but i thought we were different you see, we had the perfect love and it would be forever. Im 40,unattractive and have no career. I try and think about our/my future, i just see nothing, a void, nothingness, black, dark dark.

So tired

Sunshine, I think you seem to be jumping to the worst possible scenario and need to try and stop.

It would be great if you could get your DD to bed as it is late for a 5 year old and it means you can concentrate on the task at hand. Why don't you settle her and then try and call your DH again.

It sounds like he probably is still with clients and may have left other phone in his van.

I obviously don't know what has been said but why, even after a hideous fight, would he kill himself? Surely he has his DD to think of and a chance of reconciliation with you as it sounds like you still love him.

Get DD to bed, read her a nice snuggly story, which will make you bith feel better.

Then leave a message on DHs phone saying you're sorry and you love him, that you want to sort things out (which I think you do)

Make yourself a cup of tea, have a bath and go to bed yourself.

You'll have done all you can and things will seem altogether different in the morning.

Poor u. Everything has got out of control.

I like create's advice. Try to relax & block out any bad/sad thoughts. Just tell youself that you will do that all you can to make it "better", as soon as you can.

For now, think only peaceful/healing thoughts & surrender to what is at the moment outside of ur range of influence.

Try to bring harmony tonight to a stressful situation for ur DD's benefit? Try to sleep? And then let us know what happens tomorrow?

Wishing you a much better day in the morning. Things can't keep getting worse ... so at some point they usually get better? Hope that will be very soon.

Just wanted to say thankyou and sorry, i dont know whats happening to me - anyway, my DP is on his way home. We are going to have a couple of days together, hopefully to talk and sort things out.

Are you the one with anxiety disorder who repeatedly called the DP and yelled at him because he was out with a client?

Apologies if not, she had 'SUnshine' in her name as well

Very glad to hear DH is on way home.

You must tell him how scared you felt and why in the hope it doesn't happen again.

Yes Sue, i am - i changed my name to say sorry for that thread Appointment with Doc tomorrow i think

Ah OK. Well you know that your issues are making everything seem much worse than it really is. I'm glad you're seeing the doctor tomorrow, I hope s/he will be able to help

thats just it though Sue, i dont think it will help, i have been here before and i was put on medication and sent to counselling but it hasnt worked, its back to square one.What i need is a job, i woudlnt be like this if i had a job, but i just dont seem to be able to find one, lets face it, would you emply me?

Hope you're Ok Sunshine?

Get yourself a 'job'. I retrained while I was suffering a string of breakdowns. I chose my course for several reasons, but the overriding consideration was that I could study & work at home, to my own schedule. I was too fragile to deal with commuting, office/student relationships, etc. My course was free from Vision2Learn.

If something like that's too much for you to handle right now, how about joining the review sites like Dooyoo and Ciao? Set yourself a target number of reviews to write each day (not too many, doing the feedback takes ages!) and you'll earn a few quid, plus getting involved in online communities so you feel connected.

You can do it. I had to try five or six different combinations of meds before we found one that "works" (sort of). Patience is the thing, plus a bit of gentle persistence. Your DD needs you :)