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Original poster

MIL vsDP

16 replies

lospolloshermanos · 16/02/2011 14:20

its a bit odd, but has gone on and is upsetting as i'm stuck inthe middle.

I cam back from a visit to my friend in uni and my DP had DS overnight, he brought him back in the evening around 7pm had fallen asleep in the car. he informed my DM that he had no tea, but lots of nibbles and had dinner late and had had no milk. My mum said her objections.
DP offered to make some milk then DM was all 'and wake him up! now!. great'
DP said 'do you think I'm negelcting my son?' DM didnt say y/n just went 'hmmm' do DP was in a right mood.

(this is all before I came downstairs)
I helped him bring in the stuff from the car, got to the door he threw the bags down and stormed off coz he was 'going home' I was like WTF!!!

day after (valentines) he was barely speaking to me, foul mood , no kiss nothing, hug, nightime was aful I was like she didn't mean it like that let it rest and had an argument the atmos. was awful wanted to cry, especially on all the day.
Although being adamant he wasn't taking it out on me [hmmm]
my heads in a mess, who is in the wrong here? do I just tell him to 'man up' or ride it out??

feel like im gonna implode Sad

OP posts:
livinginazoo · 16/02/2011 14:27

This is a little confusing. You don't live with DP but he is the father? The child had been fed, but was a little out of a normal routine?

Unless I have misunderstood something, I think you should not have backed up your mother over the father of the child. It does not sound as though he did anything to deserve it. If you tell him to man up I think YABVU. He probably deserves you to back him up. Unless there is more to it.

realrabbit · 16/02/2011 14:33

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UltimateFucker · 16/02/2011 15:20

I think you need to back up your DP on this. A slight difference in his routine won't do your DS any harm. I'd be annoyed if my "DP's" DM criticised me and he backed her up.

BlingLoving · 16/02/2011 15:25

I find this almost incomprehensible, but if you're saying that your DS's father looked after him and he was fine, and your mother was giving him a hard time because his routine hadn't been quite adhered to, then frankly, you should be backing up DP and telling your mother not to criticise the parenting skills of your partner.

MarioandLuigi · 16/02/2011 16:19

You should have backed up your DP.

Original poster
lospolloshermanos · 16/02/2011 16:29

I may have written it wrong I didnt particularly back up anyone this happened whilst I was downstairs, I got told by him what had happened and I was a bit 'oh god'..

My mum is hard work but the fact she does a lot for me & dc mean I suppose let things slide?

No I dont live with dp he is ds's son we are looking atm

just to clarify I didn'nt back up or not back up anyone

thanks for replies all

OP posts:
Original poster
lospolloshermanos · 16/02/2011 16:31

my objection was I was being given the silent treatment and felt I was being punished for her actions

I'm sorta asking what should I say to all parties

OP posts:
MarioandLuigi · 16/02/2011 16:32

Tell your DP that your DM was wrong.

Tell your DM she was wrong.

BlingLoving · 16/02/2011 16:47

If you didn't back anyone up, you basically backed up your mother as she was the one having a go at your DP. Also, you said that you tried to explain to him that she didn't mean to be mean etc - from where I'm sitting, that would make me think you're supporting DM over DP.

She may be helping, and that's great, but you don't have to accept her giving your DP a hard time.

BlingLoving · 16/02/2011 16:48

As for what to say, at the time, you should have said,

to DM : "Mum, DS is fine, it won't do him any harm to have not eaten his tea exactly as usual today. He's probably tired out from the excitement."

Now you should say to DP:
"I think you looked after DS perfectly and I'm sorry my DM can't see that. I should have said something at the time and I'm sorry I didn't."

UltimateFucker · 16/02/2011 17:23

It sounds like you need to establish some boundaries wrt your DS with your DM.

squeakytoy · 16/02/2011 18:22

I think if you are going to be a couple, you need to be living together with your child. You living with your mum is not an ideal solution if their parenting styles are at war. Everything he does will be wrong, and he will be convinced you are siding with her against him.

traceybath · 16/02/2011 18:24

How old is your DS - if he's a tiny baby well your mother may have a point about the milk I guess.

All a bit confusing though.

Original poster
lospolloshermanos · 16/02/2011 18:39

tracey-17mnth
i think i may make a point of siding with my dp incase he thinks im with my mum on this

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 16/02/2011 19:13

where is home for him? does he live with his parents too? cant you move in together at one parents house until you find somewhere

Original poster
lospolloshermanos · 17/02/2011 13:46

squeaky - not really an option , his dad smokes :(

thanks you all , I had a word with my mum last night, fingers crossed

OP posts:
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