six months on after abusive ex, why does it still hurt?

[Girly]

Was in a relationship with exp for a little over three years, during that time our relationship was volatile but the sexual chemistry/connection always kept us together. He was violent on a couple of occaisons, controlling, needy, possesive but despite all that I loved him more than i can express.

After a long time, a black eye and constant lies that began to change and eventually I threw his sorry arse out of my home and life. I was fine back then, strong, happy but also somehow secure in the knowledge he still loved me, because in all that time he never let go. Had constand contact despite me begging for him to leave me alone.

I have now started at new life without him, new home and life should be good, i have three wonderful kids whom I love but currently cannot connect with.

All my confidence has suddenly vanished, I cry all the time and feel really low. is this because I still love him? I cannot figure it out and wish these feelings would go away :(

He now has someone else so he says, its the only way he can break free from me was his reasoning, this may well be a lie, I will not go there to find out if its true or not, he would not know the truth if it jumped up and bit his nose off!!!

I should be happy! Why does it hurt so much?

thanks for reading x

You're grieving.
Any significant breakup means you have to go through stages of loss, anger, grief etc. It's like a bereavement.
Allow yourself to feel it, acknowledge it for what it is and then move on. x

speak to GP about counselling - should be free on NHS or seek out specific post-separation counsselling ro go on a workshop like www.drw.org.uk/

Thanks for the link, will check it out.

I went to my gp last week because i had thought it was really bad pms, which has been getting worse over the last few months. However, period has come and gone and I still feel just as bad. He prescribed prozac to be taken halfway through my cycle.

I have spent the last 6 motnhs feeling so bloody angry at him, now that anger has gone and I miss the good part (albeit small) of our relationship. Wish I still felt angry, that was better than the pain I feel now.

6 months really isn't that long. You have worked through your anger and now need something to fill that space. He is trying to make you jealous by telling you about his new relationship. He thinks that will making you go running back. Please don't- he might behave for a while but it won't last and will only get worse in the long run. Throw yourself into reconnecting with your dcs, make a go of it, for them if not for you. You will get past this and you will feel better soon. Don't let him play you.

I really have lost my focus, I will not go back to him because I know it weill never work,he cannot change his personality, which is selfish to say the least.

He has always tested me in various ways, this is just another test, make me jealous only its back firing because I still have a smidgen of pride!

I suppose I am missing the company. its lonely being on your own with 3 kids. I will not give him the satisfaction of knowing this though.

All these mind games drive me insane, what ever happened to old fashioned honesty?!!

girly I can so relate to your experience,I'm in very similar myself...It's very painful,and I dread the day I hear he is with someone else even though I know he is no good for me (same reasons as you).I also have three kids (youngest is his).Every time I kicked him out I would feel ok as he was still chasing me, this time it was him who left and that has totally floored me!! Not going to go on as I could go on forever about it haha, Just want to show some support and wish you all the best, it will get better,just got to concentrate on the reasons we aren't with them and the pain will ease,good luck sending you

Thanks sarjose! I suppose I am lucky, he is not father to any of my dc's so now there is no need for any contact, although he wanted to have a child, I refused.

Support and good luk back to you :)

I refused for 3 years then relented (he had improved to an extent but not nearly as much as he should have)oh well,he is a lovely baby,my last I think.Oh and he left when I was 8 months pregnant so that got me thinking it's probably control,although I do think it's a subconscious thing with them or they wouldn't be able to keep us hooked.Now he gets to stay around and I can do nothing about it,he sent me a text other night saying he still loves me,,and it's a crock of shit,he just wants me hanging in there,grrr it gets me mad,sorry,waffling! thanks for the good luck back