Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Fecking Valentine- WWYD?

18 replies

marriednotdead · 16/02/2011 09:41

We have occasional communication issues and I can't think straight so your perspectives may help Smile

DH announced at the weekend that he wasn't spending £40 on a dozen red roses this year. Fair enough, our relationship anniversary was very recent and he bought me flowers then, plus money is getting a bit tight. He said we'd go out to dinner, didn't specify when but presumeably in the next few days.

He leaves early so wished me HVD by phone from work. I bought him a card which I left for him to find in his favourite chair.

Untalkative when he came home not unusual and ignored the card. Eventually he unwinds a bit and says he didn't think we were bothering with cards and so feels bad that he hasn't bought me one.

Despite me saying that didn't matter, and reminding him again last night, the card remains unopened on top of his laptop.

It was ok before but I feel kind of insulted now he's just left it there and I'm tempted to shred it.

I can be passive aggressive Blush but I can't decide what to do here though I'm tempted to shove it up his arse Hmm

Am a bit up and down myself at the moment so don't want to overreact if you wise people think I'm being precious.

So, WWYD?

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 16/02/2011 09:50

put it in a drawer, and give it to him next year..

then just forget about it for now... not worth having a row over or getting stressed about...

TobyLerone · 16/02/2011 10:04

It sounds like he was under the impression that you'd agreed not to buy anything for each other, and then you went against it (which was ironically a little thoughtless of you). So now he feels really bad/embarrassed because he didn't get you a card. Perhaps it manifests with him (as it does with me) by slight defensiveness.

Put it in a drawer for a week or so, then bin it if he doesn't ask where it is. It's really not a big deal. Don't mention it again. And if he asks where it is, just tell him that you'd removed it because you hadn't realised that it would upset him so much (in a genuine way, not a passive-aggressive way).

Original poster
marriednotdead · 16/02/2011 10:40

Ok, I'll calm down Blush

It's in the drawer and I'll try to forget it ever existed--.

Thank you both Smile

OP posts:
Niceguy2 · 16/02/2011 10:43

I agree with Toby.

There's much more important things to worry about and you are still going out for dinner so spending time together which is way more important than a stupid card.

MortaIWombat · 16/02/2011 14:20

Let me us know what happens when if he realises the card has vanished, please. Grin

londonartemis · 16/02/2011 15:43

Sorry - but I think his attitude to the card is appalling. I would feel hurt, and annoyed. It's not an expensive present or anything, it's a card, and he won't even open it!!!

madonnawhore · 16/02/2011 15:46

I would feel really hurt and I think he's being mean by not even acknowleding it. You wouldn't behave like that if it was the other way round would you?

Has he set the dinner date yet?

TangledScotland · 16/02/2011 15:56

This is a hard one because i'd want to shove it up his arse too :)

On the other hand I do feel the pressure to be all romantic just because its Valentines day is a bit much, sometimes you are just not feeling it, sometimes we have conversations in our head that we think we've explained clearly outloud, thinking you had agreed to cancel the day he was probably embarrassed to see your card, that can quickly turn to being in a big strop lol and that's why he didn't open card.

Basically what i'm saying is I wouldn't let it upset you anymore move on and dont let it build up into a bigger deal than it needs to be xx

Original poster
marriednotdead · 16/02/2011 15:58

AW, we'll see...

Yes, can't say I'm impressed and of course I wouldn't do that.

Dinner out has not been mentioned since Sad

OP posts:
londonartemis · 16/02/2011 19:48

Me again,,,Is he being nice to you, or distant? This whole valentine's thing sounds symptomatic of something bigger.

Original poster
marriednotdead · 16/02/2011 20:14

You are very perceptive LA.

Been a stressful evening, bollocked DSS on arrival. Rejected a kiss hello afterwards, then got stroppy when he realised I was upset.
Shouted said my piece about how rude/hurtful/unreasonable his behaviour was while he stood in silence with arms folded like a sulky kid Angry

Now acting pleasant in front of the DCs as if nothing was said.

There's probably a name for this shit, isn't there? Sad

OP posts:
Hullygully · 16/02/2011 20:16

Arse

Hullygully · 16/02/2011 20:16

May I be the first to suggest he's having an affair?

FaffTastic · 16/02/2011 20:29

What on earth makes you think he's having an affair Hullygully? Think thats a bit of an unhelpful comment at this stage tbh

pickgo · 16/02/2011 20:30

Acting pleasant in front of DCs sounds good.
'Shouting your piece' (presumably in front of DCs) not so good.

Valentines bollocks is not worth a thought - it's just a card manufacturers rather successful bit of cultural manipulation. Why not just firm up on meal out if it'll make you feel better?

Stop whinge-bagging over trivial crap.

Hullygully · 16/02/2011 20:31

I don't. But someone always says it on these threads, so I thought I'd be first.

I think he's just a big ol arse.

FaffTastic · 16/02/2011 20:35

Ah get you now, Hully.

Original poster
marriednotdead · 16/02/2011 20:42

Hully Grin

Arse yes, unfaithful arse, no. Am sure as one ever can be about that Smile

Pickgo, we never row in front of anyone, or even within earshot of DCs, big as they are. Thanks for the advice Hmm

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page