Could anyone help me get my thoughts straight on my not that great marriage and whether I should stay or go?

[shrooble]

I probably seem quite happy from the outside, but every single day I wonder how long I will stay in this marriage. There is nothing wrong with my DH, he really is a great father, very supportive, fantastic domestically etc etc. But I really don't feel that we are at all close, and my instinct is that he feels that too but won't admit it. I thought I could stick it out but increasingly he grates on my nerves (not his fault I know)

We have two very young DCs and are nominally looking for a bigger house to move to. But I think we are both dragging our feet. Whenever I try to raise any of this with DH he denies that there is any problem.

Also, (please no flaming for this) I have more financial resources than him, and will inherit a fair bit. He has no financial stability at all. My gut tells me that this is a big factor in him staying with me. I have been in other relationships before with similair financial imbalance and this wasn't at all in the air. I am aware taht the longer we stay married the more I would stand to lose in a divorce, and tbh, we won't survive the children leaving home even if we make it that far.

What should I do? Things are mostly okay-ish day to day, we can't really afford to run two households, I don't want to be a single parent. I really don't care if I never have another romantic relationship but I do want to provide a stable home for my DCs (we are both early forties, have been married 6 years, got married after DC1 birth, - was an unplanned pg but we decided to make a go of it)

Could anyone help me get my thoughts straight?

Can't help but think you should get out sooner rather than later, doesn't sound like a relationship that is going to last the test of time.

If you really don't see you spending the rest of your life with him you should start the ball rolling and you are right to want to protect your assets, they are yours and your kids future.

Would it be so bad being a single parent if you felt you were living a life you wanted to, would he not share the childcare?

You don't need to be in a relationship to provide a stable home, I brought my daughter up alone and she is my pride and joy and has gone on to have a very successful relationship and career so don't believe the hype.

Thank you both for your replies. We have fun together, and I think one of the main problems is lack of sex life due to small DCs (youngest still a baby and bad sleeper). If we weren't married I'd be more inclined ot just keep going and see, but the stakes seem higher to me because of the fact that we are.

I feel that if we split up now I will regret it. I also think that if/when we split up in 20 years time I will wonder why I didnt do it sooner.

I find it quite hard to be honest with myself about this because what I really want is just to make everything okay and to really love him and that's not something I can seem to do through willpower alone

Just to add - in terms of working on the marriage I know I could communicate more with him - one step would be to spend er less time on here

Also, I have been spending too much on clothes recently. I confessed about that last night and DH said, I know! Why don't you just tell me. Just an example, I am definitely not blameless in how our relationship is

I'm sorry shroobie, all I get from your OP is that you don't feel that close to him and he gets on your nerves a bit. Unless I'm missing something, not nearly enough to consider tearing your family apart over, IMO. Your poor DH, I think he deserves you working a bit harder to get those feelings back.

Don't apologise, I need some perspective, it's all really helpful