I've just avoided an old friend in the supermarket

[NotSuchASmugMarriedNow]

she's a lovely lady i used to do an evening course with and we got on really really well and had the same sense of humour.

She looked so lovely and slim and happy and well dressed and I have put on so much weight and am so downtrodden it much surely show I was embarresed for her to see me like this

i am slowly coming to terms with the fact that i've been abused for almost all my (19 years) of married life.

It's so painful.

are you still married o? Maybe you can share with the ladies here? There is alot of amazing advice from personal exp.

'op' i meant to write.

Have you? In what way?

What will you do now?

The minute I escaped my abusive marriage I started to concentrate on myself again. Best thingI ever did

I bet she would have been pleased to see you! But I can understand you running from her. Are you still married, sorry but I don't know your story.

I understand why you did that, but don't forget you never know what's really going on in that person's head / life, you know that better than anyone I think?
It always amazes me how you can think you know someone but you really don't know what goes on behind closed doors.

I have seen a solicitor and got the ball rolling but the petition seems to be taking ages to come.

He has made it impossible for me to work and have financial independance.

I just felt so sad when I saw my lovely friend. We used to spend hours laughing and sniggering over coffee and she's got on to bigger and better things and i'm a mess.

When will my self-esteem start to improve?

Your self-esteem will start to improve when you are out of that situation. Years of abuse have taken it out of you. Are you living apart now?

no, still in same home - i married a narcissist i realise that now

i know i definately need counselling but don't know where on earth to get it from

Are you able to rent somewhere short term? Are you able to get any money at all?

Honestly it will get better, when you aer out of there. And by the way, eating a little too much sometimes does not make you a bad person. It's better than drinking too much or taking drugs isn't it. You can reverse it when you're up to it. Someone told me that once and I felt all my guilt melt away, then I could do something about it.

Are you OK though?

I am OK at the moment but the more I do to assert myself, the more abusive my dh is I feel like i'm living with a volcano waiting to explode.

I could probably afford womens aid counselling but didn't know there was such a thing. Will go look at their website now.

Ok so don't assert yourself in a way he can tell. just quietly make your plans, and then get out?