DH having work related panic attacks, I am his only support and I don't think I can cope.

[fishcakefoxtrot]

I seem to have become DH's only source of support. Our families are far away and he sees our friends as my friends and so won't socialise with them if I'm not there. Because I work at weekends this essentially means he doesn't see anyone except for me and dd when not at work.

He is very stressed at work and is now having panic attacks. The problem is I too am very stressed with work and can't cope with being his only source of support. This is made worse by the fact that I don't get to see our friends much either because I am working at the weekends and in the week I have dd with me so don't get any adult time or decent time with dh- no one to babysit etc. My mum is not really someome I can talk to about this. Anyone else been in a situation like this, perhaps if you moved to a new area and didn't know anyone, and what did you do? I just feel like crying.

Hello,

Sorry to hear you are both going through a difficult time.

I suffered from panic attacks a couple of years ago. I know how dibilatating they are. It is vital that your husband shares this with a doctor. I know it is very very hard (I fell apart in the doctor's surgery because I felt such a failure), but the relief at finally telling someone that I needed help was immense.

Within a few weeks I was back to my old self (admittedly with the use of medication, which will be an option for your husband too). However, the biggest issue for me was admitting there was a problem and admitting I needed help (as in professional help). I know it will be difficult, but at the very least try to persuade your husband to see a doctor. This will be a massive step in helping him and also taking the pressure of yourself and your relationship.

Best of luck to you both X

good advice from rocky, i have no personal experience of panic attacks! but wanted to ask if it was possible for you both to take some AL to get your DH back on track!

also is it possible to change jobs, do you think it would help?

Thank you, I will try. He has had them before and saw a dr then so now he is reluctant to go again because he can just self-diagnose. Also, he would be very resistant to getting signed off work, although I don't suppose the doctor can make you! I will definitely try and persuade him, though.

Was there anything else that helped you? Exercise or relaxation exercises? I feel like he needs to get out and do things which is why I am so frustrated that he won't make more of an effort with our friends (although I do understand, too, that he just doesn't feel like it because he is so stressed).

Cremeegg- Not possible to change jobs as he is not long in this one- think it is a steep learning curve in a fairly high pressure environment causing the problem. I have been trying to get him to plan AL to have something to look forward to but he says he feels sick at the thought of the work piling up. My work is actually finishing up my postgrad so no AL but I do have the end in sight. Not till the autumn though! Perhaps we should plan a decent break away then.

Thank you for the reply. Am off to get dd up to take her to the dr and then might well have a creme egg with a cuppa- they do indeed rock!

You probably do need to get him to see a doctor, my husband left it a bit too long and has now been depressed for a few years. Not wanting to go out is a symptom of depression so is irritability, problems sleeping and anxiety/ panic attacks.

Exercise is a help as is having a dog (unconditional love!). Fingers crossed for you.

:) sounds like a plan?

some light reading to enjoy with your creme egg:)

Self help? may be worth a shot!

Strategy 1 ? Personal resource bank
?List your strengths and repeat something good to yourself when you feel low, e.g. "I've got a wonderful partner/job/opportunity".
?Identify your weaker points and set about improving these areas.

Strategy 2 ? Surviving in the workplace
?Practice skills that put you in control of yourself (you can rarely control the behaviour of others): time management, assertiveness, clear communication, setting clear priorities.

Strategy 3 ? Dealing with panic attacks
?At the first hint of alarm tell yourself firmly to "STOP".
?Breathe slowly and calmly.
?Visualise yourself in a well-loved place.
?Gently cup your hands over your mouth and nose and re-inhale a few breaths to re-balance your blood chemicals with lost carbon dioxide.
?Do not run away as this increases the fear and makes it worse when you face similar situations.

Strategy 4 ? Quick relaxation
?Let your shoulders droop and imagine you have just put down two very heavy bags. Feel the relief!
?Massage your own neck, shoulders and forehead using firm even strokes (or get someone else to oblige).

Strategy 5 ? Chinese "inner" smile
?Relax your muscles as much as you are able.
?Think of something pleasant or humorous.
?Smile inwardly and "feel" the glow.
?Let the smile fill your body until it shines from your eyes.
?Concentrate on the area below your navel and tell yourself that it is the "seat of your constitutional essence".
?Continue with your tasks holding on to the inner light.

Strategy 6 ? Support networks
?Who can help? Look to family, friends and colleagues for support. Each may fulfil a different role, e.g. listener, advocate, fun-maker, challenger, etc.
?Don't expect unlimited time or patience!

may need a couple now!

The most practical thing you can do is to make sure he takes regular exercise. It helps to burn off excess adrenaline created by being in a high-stress environment and also boosts serotonin, all of which will help him feel calmer and more in control.

Seriously though, my DP ignored work-related stress for long enough that he ended up doing possibly permanent damage to his nervous system. Don't let that happen to your bloke. Make him take AL. Make him exercise. Make him see a doctor. The consequences of trying to struggle on can be permanent damage.

And for you. I was there once - it's hard to describe how difficult it can be seeing someone you adore go through this.

If he has not been there long surely he should have some kind of mentoring, training or support programme?

Book one or two urgent sessions with a counsellor.

Do an exercise where you celebrate your successes but also acknowledge and let go of your failiures. Sounds a bit negative but I have found it has really helped in the past.

Presume you are in the UK? NHS has moved into offering CBT in a big way which is recommended for panic attacks. He needs to get back to the doc and ask for a referal for help with them.

This website gives lots of good advice about dealing with anxiety and panic attacks and might be helpful for your DH to have a look at.

Exercise and making time to relax are very important in dealing with anxiety IME.

Learning to accept panic attacks rather than trying to fight them and understanding that they are just your body reacting to stress can help to minimise the power they can have over you.

A lot of people who experience these have a tendency to catastrophise (I know I do) - making a mountain out of a molehill in other words! Again, stopping and thinking about it when you do this and putting things into perspective ("what's the worst that can happen?", etc) can help reduce the feelings of panic.

I also find it helpful to do something that takes my mind off it if I'm feeling anxious - something that requires concentration like a crossword or sudoku, talking to a friend on the phone, going to the cinema, etc - helps to give your racing mind a break from going over the same old stuff.

Good luck.

Thank you for all the responses. I am working on getting him to go to the doctor.

Branchingout- I have suggested he speak to his line manager, even in a roundabout way, but I think he is worried about not seeming up to the job. There is lots of internal politics stuff going on that is not his fault and if he could get help with that I think it would help.

I agree on the exercise front. He walks to and from work but I think he would benefit from actually doing sport, plus joining a club or something might be good for him re meeting people and just doing something different.

I am going to print these out (maybe leaving off my post- I don't want him to worry about me worrying!). Thank you so much, it's hard to talk people irl about this, particularly as I don't want to be disloyal.

And Cremeegg- I think we should campaign for a creme egg emoticon

mmmmmmmmmmmmm creme eggs, sounds like a plan! hope your feeling ok? keep us posted on progress! / no creme egg in sight:(

I used to suffer from panic attacks my self. There are many things that can be done about it. Here's an article about breathing exercises for anxiety:

ezinearticles.com/?Breathing-Exercises-For-Anxiety---How-to-Breathe-Your-Way-Out-of-Your-Anxiety-Attack&id=4518801

and this is about 3 self help methods to stop panic attacks:

natural-alternative-therapies.com/3-self-help-methods-to-stop-panic-attacks/

Hope it helps and hang in there!

as well as self help stuff, you both need to go to GP together and separately and ask what local support there is .
he also needs to speak to someone at work about the work laod and who covers when eh takes leave

but he hasto find a way thru himself -with your support but you cannot do it for him....