Childless friends being a pain!

[WriterofDreams]

Before having DS I read about people losing contact with childless friends once they had their first baby and I could see how it would happen but hoped it wouldn't happen to me. But now it does seem to be happening :( I'm 28 and most of my friends are single and childless. Since having DS only 6 weeks ago I can already see a gap opening between me and a few of my oldest friends, due mainly to the fact that they don't seem to understand at all what having a baby is like, which I suppose it to be expected. Very few of them even sent a card on the birth of DS, which is a bit disappointing but not the end of the world. It just feels a bit like they're not interested.

Two of my friends rang me at 11 O clock one night when I was trying to catch up on some sleep and laughed when I said I wasn't able to talk to them. I was so tired and annoyed that when I hung up I cried :( Apart from the rudeness of ringing so late I could at least have expected some sympathy when they woke me up couldn't I? One of those same friends sent me a one-line email complaining that I don't email him enough. Em hello? A bit busy? He could easily ring me at a sensible time, or god forbid actually send me a proper email? These two friends live in a different country but my local friends aren't much better. One in particular keeps ringing up to meet up with me and then seems surprised when I say I have to sort DS out first, as though I could just walk out of the house and leave him. It's like these friends resent that my time is now taken up by a baby, which is just so childish and makes me want to not bother with them. Surely I could expect them to respect the fact that I'm busy and tired and not to expect this sort of "Oh you're letting me down" attitude?

Would they have previously phoned you at 11.00pm If yes they are not used to the fact things have changed. If they hae never rung at this time I wonder what makes them think it is ok now?

TBH you can still email and phone when you have a baby. I've had two and managed to keep all my pre baby friends. Sure it takes a bit of effort and things are new to you atm but you will get into a routine.

Are you sure that they have a "Oh you're letting me down" attitude? and it's not the fact that you are a bit over sensitive.

You can still meet up with friends, of course, I went out with mine two weeks after DS1's birth and had a good catch up and it was nice to go home to my new family.

Even if you didn't have a baby you wouldn't always be able to go out a drop of a hat would you? You may have been in the middle of doing something else.

Where would be unsuitable for babies? It's when they get to being toddlers it got a bit harder but as babies they were portable and went everywhere with me.

No they wouldn't normally ring at 11 - I don't know what possessed them TBH, I think they were drunk. They can be very silly when they get together and I think the idea popped into their heads and they really didn't think it through.

I know I can still email and phone with a baby, and I've done that for people who have made the effort. But this particular friend didn't ring email or send a card when DS was born, rang at 11 at night and didn't apologise and then sent a one-line email saying I should email more when he hasn't emailed me in months. Other friends have made the effort and I return it. He has just been a pain.

I think I'm right about their "letting me down" attitude. These two particular friends are lovely people but a bit immature, as others have noticed. They expect attention and have in the past thrown hissy fits for some perceived slight (one was when I didn't ring enough when email friend broke up with his GF- despite the fact that he told me not to ring and I was going through depression at the time). I suppose this is sort of the last straw for me as I would expect the fact that I have a baby to be enough to make them put me first for a change but clearly it's not going to happen. On the surface it seems like a small thing but it's on top of a mountain of small things IYSWIM.

I've been out plenty since DS was born, in cafes, baby groups, friend's houses, but these trips have been arranged with a bit of notice. PhD friend seems to think I am available at the drop of a hat because I'm not working which I agree is a weird attitude as pre-DS I wouldn't have been available either. In terms of being suitable for babies, I more mean suitable for breastfeeding. DS is a haphazard feeder so I need to go somewhere that has chairs suitable for BFing. He keeps suggesting going to the park or to these trendy bars in town that only have stools or hard chairs. He knows that's an issue for me but when I suggested a BFing friendly place the last time he rang he said "Oh no not there" and that was the end of it. It just pisses me off that he won't be flexible.

Ah well really I'm just whinging. I suppose there were issues with these friends pre-DS and I'm just more sensitive to them now as I'm tired and hormonal. To be fair to one of the friends who rang at 11 he did apologise and has been more considerate since then. I think I'll take the advice given here to let things slide for the moment and think about getting back on board with these friends when I'm feeling more like myself again.

Ah I see. They just sound like rubbish friends to me. Time for a cull maybe...?

I agree, I think you have rubbish friends as well.